you complete me

Once read in a chinese romance novel, everyone represents a curve of a semi-circle. Thorough one's life, looking for another curve that fits perfectly, completing the circle.

That someone don't neccessary have to finish your sentence, understand your joke, notice your signals or dry your tears...I guess. It would have been enough if he's someone you always look forward to, a smile that make your day, a light through the window that warms your heart or just the secure feeling that he's sitting right behind you one Sunday morning. God is always generous with His love.

Yes, I'm talking about him. I've never had him. Not many people know him, and I'm not one of them. I've never dared to wish to be one...It would be a beautiful enough picture to have him on the other end where I am standing. At least we are in the same picture. An accident photo would have been so precious; a short message would had made such a celebration. The simple joy of having him around.

Never was there enough reasons to forget about him, never was there a reason to go after him. After all, the only reasoning that make sense, is to stay where we are. It would only be safe.

To him, you complete me, in the silence, in the absence, in the darkness, with Him.

-va-

capacity

Human are just like portable storage devices. We each have certain capacity of taking in good things and bad things in life. The only matter is how big is one's capacity to the world.

There are people who whines whenever they take a fall, and those who chose to keep quiet over every wound. The earlier is just like a faulty device, they tend to save a part of the file and leaves partially of it in the pc. But how long will the life spand of a good device be? Never in the history is man with no wrath, no hatred, no depression, no worries, even Jesus wept, cried, yelled and hated.

Over the time, all we ever need is some reason to make us feel that all these struggles are worth while, then it will be like one fine day with a good spring cleaning of the trash in the storage device. A compliment, a heartful thank you, a good cry, a choking laughter, a great hug, a pat in the head, or just plain quietness in understanding.

Everything will be alright, hush, everything will be alright. There is someone struggling with you too. Hush, everything will be alright.

There is no reason to be upset over today, yesterday and the day before. Have a good rest and tomorrow will be a brand new day. Tomorrow will be a brand new day.


-va-

Philosophy of sadness.

I don't think anybody ever know when it started. And I'm quite sure nobody would know when will it stops. It's just one of those things that comes and go.

How a sadness is passed on to another person. If you think about think, how silly are these people, dwelling in their life pointless and tired, yet always find ways to drown themselves in some depression that we never understand. How selfish of these people to pass them on.

If a flu is considered contagious, than I guess depression is just as contagious as a flu; maybe even more. Sadness of the friend beside you would pass on to you and yours will pass on to somebody esle. Sadness is collective. The pain won't come unless the wound has been there long enough, big enough.

One day, a girl thought if only someone is smart enough to end the circle of sadness. So she keeps her sadness in a bottle, thinking that it would be safe as long as she keeps them safe. As long as they are trapped, they won't affect other people. No matter how big or how small it is, put it in a bottle. Don't pass it on.

#catch your falling star and put it in your pocket,
save it for the rainy day....#


-va-

Enough said.

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
alex?

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
u there?

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
yes i am here

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
hey

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
wanna fast with me this monday tuesday

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
and wed?

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
praying for Lina Joy

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
cant...i've got gastric

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
but i'll pray with u

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
^^

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
non food fasting lar

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
i needa ask u sumtin

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
yes?

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
i can predict

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
its about econs

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
hello

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
?

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
ooo

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
nope

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
its about tmr

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
swt

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
oh ok

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
what about tomorrow?

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
its pentacostal sunday

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
coz i'm going2 d morn service tmr

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
pentecostal*

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
b4 9

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
then

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
i'm staying back in church

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
till 3

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
k

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
3-9 babi cute party

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
i'll b out for 12 hours

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
my dad says my mom will kill me

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
yes...

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
perhaps

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
but we arent exactly in the talking-mode now

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
u want me to keep u in prayer?

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
since last time the drowning of my priced possession

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
yes pls

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
and my dad recommended tht i skip the morn service

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
but i dun think i want to

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
if ur in my place, wht would u do?

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
eva, i understand that you long to reunite ith ur friends

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
with*

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
but let me convey what God wants to say

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
its not normal of me to do this

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
but God wants to tell you something

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
okay

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
honour your parents

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
that you may have long life

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
and this applies here

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
seek approval

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
its gonna hurt

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
but be very still

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
b4 you do that

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
allow the peace of God to flow into your mind and heart

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
and ask

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
if its his will

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
that you should attend bothy

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
den ask your mom

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
if you sneak out

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
she will think that your 'rebellion'

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
is a result from being a christian

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
dun go against hers decision.. honour hers.

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
my suggestion....

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
if she allows

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
only one to be chosen

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
den you have to set your priorities

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
which would you go for?

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
but above all, honour God, honour yourparents

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
i had my share

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
now its your turn

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
thanks Alex.

Didaskalos en Poimen ~ ~ ~faith of an empty hand... says:
i am sorry if i sounded preachy

Heartache~ Eva [Hebrew]: Life. EVAngel - it's in my name. says:
no, it sounded just right.

Will (I'm not suicidal)

My Bible should be passed to daddy. "It has been my guide to life, and so had you. Do try to understand, it's the only way I can chat with you again after this."

My handphone shall be passed on to Pam. For all the love and time we've been together, it will be that one thing I'd always miss the most.

My clothes and my books should all be passed on to the House of Grace, education is the best insurance. May God bless them and always be their Father.

My hi-fi should be the possession of Jieli & Fu. They taught me what music is, and, how to sing to God. "Li, Fu, you guys had always made me proud.

My guitar should go to ----****(ask Pam). He's always been a beautiful dream, a comforting companion and always someone to look forward for.

My CD collection should be given to Yvonne. Though it might not be her preferable choice of music.

All my cash and cash in bank should go to Ian. Though it's not much, I hope it will be a tiny part of his capital in whatever business he wishes to start.

I guess I don't really have much. My necklace & pendant should stays with Pam too. I loved them so, it simply suits so well. Just like how we are meant for each other (as in twins).

I never believed in "coming back afterwards", so don't expect me to, if ever, that won't be me.
Love you all, please do try to understand what I believes, it's what drives my life and what I fight all these for.

God bless. With love.

Drown by my own voice.

Those that get drowned by their own voice can either be losing their mind or they are just those who have a lot of thoughts going on at the same time.

There's just so many things going on all in the same time. Too much for me.

The shouting through the wooden door.
The soft sob that breaks my heart.
The request for a prayer.
The complaints of a youngster.
The burdens of a father.
The crying of my soul.

Could somebody hear my cry?
I guess not. Because everybody out there is already drown by their own voice.


-va-

Why drink & drive, when you can smoke & fly

Heineken's drink & drive ad.




You're not quite ready to meet me yet. - God


-va-

Double Entry System

Everything is about give-and-take in this world.

To place oneself in a relationship = Double entry system

i.e.: As someone appears in your life, an account is opened both his and your life accounts book. Every event is recorded, consciously or otherwise.

Somehow something happened and you split up.
The account remains.
Balanced or not, if not, the position of balance b/d.
Debit - you earn something.
Credit - you lose something.

No matter which party had to bear the loss, or both parties earned something from the relationship. Both left something in common for each other - memories.

I guess everything applies from all the theories that we learn in school, what makes the difference is probably just the point of views.

Enough said. Account closed. =)



-va-

Witness

For Pam

Someone from the usual boring Saturday afternoon TV once said to get married is just a way of getting somebody to witness your life. I pondered about the words... A soul mate will be a witness to my life, no matter how meaningless and short it might be. He will see it through and walk me through, then when that one fine day comes there'll be a witness of my life; and I will be the witness to his.

What if, I don't have a soul mate?

Does that make me inexistent? Does it really matters to prove that I lived, I loved and I died in the end?

I guess that won't matter.

Because.


My life is not merely for the record.

-va-