Regrets

Thanks for all your comments, all my dearest readers. It's wonderful to know that people actually click into my life, part of my hidden life, one that most of my family and closest friends don't click into. Regrets, i read it from the last comment. Anonymous said he/she has some regrets. I have too.

Just about a couple of hours ago, I bought this green long sleeves knitted top off the internet, it's my first internet purchase, and man I am so glad. A nice nice nice top. It went out of stock once and almost killed me. Right after I made my payment I saw the red one, same top, and it's oh-SO-NICE too. Then I start thinking would I look better in green or red and I just couldn't push myself to make the choice. Red is gonna look so fresh and young and all those. Then again, if the shirt is not of good quality red will make it look cheap and make me look fat. The things just keep popping in my head like soft-lived soap bubbles.

I still insist it is not a regret, I convinced myself I made a right choice simply because I paid for it and there's nothing I can do to change it. It's not a one timer in my life to have moments like this, for instance, I bought this nice ring from the flea market and saw another nicer one when I turned a corner, I ordered some ordinary drink and my fren sat down after me and ordered a really chic and tasty one. I'm a typical undecisive person and it drives me crazy, this junction to turn or the next, this safe looking black top or that hot risky sleeveless. The truth is, I have no idea what I want! Dad asked me if I want those Maybellin New York Eye Shadow and I said NO! What am I? He's my dad and I'm too shy to say yes?!

Regrets can flood and consume a person if only you allow it. That the power of the freedom of choice. Yes I did loads of stupid stuff today, if I am to count them one by one I think I would go nuts by the next hour, I bet there must be tonnes of people doing the same thing, beating himself up for missing the chance of asking his dreamgirl out or sulking because she missed the last sales in the mall. Man. Regrets, no matter small or big they just seem to be capable of swallowing us whole. I hate the fact that my grandma died without knowing Christ and how I missed out so many good meetings and services in church when other people are there to tap into the blessings.

All I know is what has been done is done. When we are to give an account of our actions, the stupid senseless stuffs we did have to be explained, no matter how much I regretted it. All I can do now is just minimize the stupid things in my list. I have to move on, the world won't stop and wait because Eva is regretting choosing green over red. God didn't strike down sinners in our time, He has the grace to let them live and turn back to Christ. He would have flood the earth, kill the first born and rain burning sulfur balls if we were in the older days. He has the grace for all my stupid actions as long as I ask for His mercy and repent. He is doing the same for everyone. Regretting something is as if you are telling God my standards are higher than Yours, even though you forgive me, my standards don't allow me to forgive myself.

NO! It doesn't work that way, when God say let go, we let go. The voice that tells you to hang on to the past is false. Let go, Jesus said "It is done." So it is. Let go. You are free to live your tomorrows.



-Refuge of war-