"Oh, so I'm Nancy..."

Quote:
"We've been like Sid and Nancy for months now."
"Summer, Sid stabbed Nancy, seven times with a kitchen knife, I mean we have some disagreements but I hardly think I'm Sid Vicious."
"No I'm Sid."
"Oh, so I'm Nancy..."

. . . . .

Hey I never thought that I would write this letter. But again, I probably wont sent it anyway. I don’t think I ever want anyone to know this. Maybe it’s because we have always been this way.
So here it goes.

I think I changed. And I have never liked changes. I would always look back in my past and wish I hadn’t change at all, it doesn’t matter if it is for the better or for worse. The ironic part is, I have changed things that I don’t want to change and the ones that I want to change remains the same.

For instance, I am not as cheerful and bubbly. Now I think I have this hatred and desire for vengeance boiling inside me. I am less friendly, sometimes I’d rather just be rude and offensive. I think less of good things and trust me, it’s not by choice. Somehow somewhere along the road I lost the longing to be home, the passion for that glimpse of hope and picked up this vulgarly fierce hag. I am sceptical when I should be positive, cruel when I should be nice, tired when I should be energetic. My unshaken faith happens less and less. The change is so evident that I thought someone must have poisoned me. And these are the things that changed.

My fears did not changed. They didn’t even quiver. As if the change in me occurred in a totally different territory. I am still afraid of the dark, keep all the windows and door tightly locked. I still have this warning that rings up telling me I should avoid these boys ‘cause I don’t want to wake up one day, married, and regretting the first moment I open my eyes and see the face of the person sleeping next to me. I am still doubtful of “us”. I still hold on to the belief that you should live like a teenager while you are, doing all the crazy things I did. I hope you are, because I’ll be Jack and you’ll be Eva. But I hope you aren’t because that didn’t last. The other thing that didn’t change is sometimes I still feel like parts of me belong to you, and you to me somehow. It happens once in a while.

I still miss my best friend, unsure of that if I love him. These are the things that changes and did not. I wonder if you would still take me. And if you would, what would I do.

written: 1 week before this post.

Looking Into My Window

Looking back into the years when I was this awkward little person - not that I am not one now - I cannot help but remember the days when I would look into his windows, more often than not, unlid. Once every few months, the lights would be turned on and I would know he was home; and I would wait, most impatiently but careful not to be noticed for his regular seat to be filled with his presence. I am sure his presence was not anymore electrifying to any other person in the room, but it seems to radiate towards me. Nudging me to turn my head every moment or so.

Now that feeling is gone, I have gotten rid of that box of a long dreamy crush. I have grown out of the years of awkward fantasies and idealistic dreams. I stepped away from the beautiful world I thought I had lived in just to see another beautiful place, cold, hard and but a bit less beautiful than the one that I had lived and breathed in. A place so idle yet engaging; so engaging that it is to be missed to do justice for the sake of its beauty.

Just as I stepped into my old world, that heavy humid air swam with such force that seemed to desire to burst my lungs from within. My head tipsy and my feet light. But the first thought in my mind were who is looking through to my window. Who is waiting for my light?

My foolishness and vanity. Who are you, the other me, the other foolish little person who waited so long, so hopefully for me?

That I would be good?

It's four in the morning, there is no school tomorrow, it's the Queen's birthday. Like the Sultan's birthday in Malaysia, like the time when it always bump into mine and while the whole nation celebrate my birthday alongside with the Sultan's, they close up bakeries and force me - who do not have a royal baker in my kitchen - to either live without a birthday cake or to get one the day before my real birthday. So what is new in New Zealand?

It's officially winter, the dawn of 1st of June. First time ever that I get into this blogging mood like the one I soak in back in my apartment days. It's probably the effect of dawn and some random hormones collision. And Stefanie Sun's version of the good old songs. So would I be good in situations that are that messed up? Yes and no. I've seen myself acting like a total tool, and I am not proud of it. But yea, I will be good. Since my bad was ever really that bad. So yea, I will be good, here. No matter how much I miss home.

I heard your voices yesterday. Just over the phone. It feels like we're not that far away. I know what's going on in your lives and most of the who what when and how. It's a beauty. I hope I haven't loose my passion. I think I still feel the clingy warmth and want to be so so nice to everyone. It sparks when I am not too deep into the melancholy thoughts.

I am getting a camera. And I know that most of my photos are monotonous. But I still like pretty things, I still want to snap them and make them into little pictures and keep them in bottles. Maybe I will share it with you. If only you would come close enough.

Not too into it,

-Winter Vava-

There are stars tonight.

There were stars tonight. Looking at them, seems like I was seeing some old friends, can't help smiling at them, even for a quick glimpse. I went out just now, alone, for supper. It was a familiar joint for me, something that I have been having and once craved for when I was young. I used to sing to my dad and lure him into cycling to get those yummy curry rice for me around midnight when we were still in the old house.

There was solitude tonight. I don't care if other people think it is dangerous to go out alone at night at the wee hours. Mum was asleep. And it is like back then, when I spend time with myself a lot, enjoying my own company, just me..and me. A little rebellious, from sneaking out in mum's car. But it seems so familiar, like my old self sweeping through. I am myself again. The one who sits in the moonlight blogging alone.

Then there was a funny old friend. Simpleton, we chatted for a while and bid goodbye. What jolly good company. Though it was a while, it makes me remember how good it is to be just simple and content. We don't really need all that much anyway.

What a night, a beautiful night, meeting all of you, my old friends. Nothing beats being myself, and knowing that it is all enough.


Finally home,
Eva

Revenge of the bitten person

It was a typical good night. I was online and chatting. I was actually having a good time and he said "good night," and I bid goodbye. Then, out of the corner of my eye. There was this red and black little thing wiggling on my right hand, just slightly above my elbow.

*SHOCK* that's the evil bug that pee poison on people and make your hand get very bad infection!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH~~~ CRAP. And its butt was so close to my skin, I could practically see myself getting victimized by the butt of the bug. My mouth is fighting back a bad cursing word while the quickness of my finger ticked the bug off from my hand. But it was all too late. The harm was already done. Now there is this little bump on my hand that is waiting to swell and start producing some kind of bad painful blister.

Sucks. Every moment that I know this bug of the ultimate evil still roam in my room sucks. But my live is more important so I flip-flopped to the washroom and applied a big bloop of body shampoo and started scrubbing the bump area franticly and washed off the soap.

Still sucks. It is still alive somewhere. But one thought of grace and mercy passed my mind, I actually thought of letting it live and not hunting it down...it's probably because I was already tired by then. So I turned off the laptop and went to bed.

May all curses and dissentment fall on that evil little creature with a mind full of malicious intentions and body filled with gooey poisonous fluid and may it die in such misery that no bug can imagine or comprehend and its corpse no where to rest and rot in my hearty revenge. There it was ON MY BED. Looks like that thing really wanted to ruin my Chinese New Year.

I am not somebody to be messed with, bug. My right hand took hold of the closest thing in my reach that will bring death to the bug - my chinese version hard cover bible. And my heart filled with anger of its determined intentions and squash! The poisonous fluid was spilled over the sides of my bible. But that thing was still wiggling with life.

Its butt stucked to the fabricated skin of the cover and its body was moving in such way that angered me more. I took it to daddy to make sure that it is a poisonous bug and the verdict was there. Guilty as charged. Stupid bug. So I plugged in the vermin electricutor and took a pencil and poked it to the bug. The sticky butt of the bug was stuck to the pencil.

I bet it could see revenge in my eyes. The end of the pencil got nearer and nearer to the blue light and to the wires that is flowing with furious electric waves. So I gave it a last wiggle and the bug was stucked between two electric wires. I turned away to switch on my computer to write about its painful death and my sweet revenge. After a while, there was a burnt smell coming from the electricutor and I know it is done.



Don't you dare mess with me, bug, don't you dare.
-Eva-

Elopement

Time draws near. There is this undeniable excitement that is brewing inside, like a pot of coffee the scent bitter yet in this time I smell nothing but the sweetness in the air. Though the dark clouds are ruining my day. The song keeps playing, skip this town for a little while, and off I am eloping with myself.

So there will be more time alone, with me and you and the words that's swimming inside of me. Bubbling up and bursting into songs of the seasons and at times singing out loud, sometimes with strength and courage, while other times in melancholy and romanticism. Most times with sacarsm and dry wit. Skip this town for a little while, and I wander and wonder if you will ever follow.

So I am leaving, it's an elopement. Of plain craziness and spotaniousity. So much spinning around me but I am in so much joy and faith. Until I see you again, until I see you again. Skip this town for a little while.



-va-

All in all

Wonders isn't it. It must have been months since I really wanted to leave. Why do I wanted to leave anyway? I don't think anyone would wanna leave if it would involve some slamming doors, angry faces and a couple of months full of stress and complaints. So I don't really like the people around me. So I want to leave this mess once in a while.



What makes anyone think reminding you of what your life away from home is gonna be like is gonna help to cushion the punch? And your responsibilities and every history of bad clashes resulting from your different personality from your sister who is gonna be your room mate for the next three years. Yes, I have my fears, and nothing is making anything better. So I am trying to cope with leaving, my friends, my home, my family, the neighbourhood that I hardly know anyone, and the college that I hated and complained about every freakin' bad day. But how could anyone think it's not hard on me.



Scary isn't it, to even think that your friends are gonna move on with or without you, probably some other girl who are not even similar to you is gonna take your place,wherever you have been. So it doesn't last. Big deal, but why would anyone think it would make it any easier on me.



So I wanna take a month break from my job, from pleasing my parents, from whatever mess I've been through. Yes I'm leaving, I'm leaving, I'm leaving it's true. It has happened before, nobody notice then, and probably nobody will notice this time too. Yes, it involves some tears, some yelling screaming, some lonely times. Nothing has made me think that this time is not gonna be the same.



Please please give me a break. I just need to make through my day.



-away-

How do you like me now?

I am nuts. If you guys haven't notice it by now, you are probably as dumb as a rock. Someone commented about Jessica Simpson, "Who cares if you are a dumb as a stone if u have those breasts." Indeed. But you don't. So you are probably as dumb as a rock and people should point and laugh at you.

HAHA!!!!!!!



-freak-

Isn't it true?

Isn't it true, that we came into this world alone and we are to walk alone and to finish it alone? After all, from whatever I've been through in these 19 long years, I have been alone anyway. No matter how many people would say "I've got your back." None of them have me all the time. No matter how sincere people are when they promise they would do their best to sustain a relationship, it never lasts. People still come and go. They still get new best buddies and treat you like any other normal acquaintances in the end.

Amazing isn't it, when we fall, we have to stand up by ourselves. No doubt there might be some good Samaritans who decide to give you a hand, the main strength that heave us up is still our own. No matter how many friends you have around you, it is still you who define your existence. Even though there must be thousands of great scientist running around, no one could ever understand your mind, thoughts and perspective so completely. However lost we might feel, the people around us are more confused about ourselves. Choices are made by the self, maybe encouraged by the others, but there is no one else to blame when mistakes happen, or when regret comes into view. Isn't it so? That we are alone anyway.

What happens when faith collides with your better sense of judgement? Is this a chance of breaking free or another temptation that is set up to trap the lost? Who would speak forth and take over the wheels and turn it around? Are we not alone?! Are we not alone! Are we not meant to be alone?!

Speak to me in the light of the dawn, mercy comes with the morning. I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me!



-soldier between two wars-

an artist

I want to be an artist. One who writes, sings, dances, paints, acts, sketches, recites, makes music, reads and one whom art appreciates. Yes, an artist whom art itself appreciates. It must have been the songs and movies and blogs and books. I am a vessel, half empty and half full. Half fool and half wise. Half fact and half fiction. Found but partially lost. Bright at times but invisible too. Hallusinative. I think I am a song, a movie and a book too.

A tear, a smile, a cry and laughter, tell me, what are you?



-nobody-

heartbeat

How long has it been since I was mesmerize by the dimmed light through the curtains? How long have I missed you and find that you are gone? I fumbled when you are not around, stumble and fall, stutter when people swam around me. You are there and I am here, nothing speaks as clearly as the distance itself. I wondered where would you be, not realizing that you live in my heart, complementing my each breath. I thought we are so far apart that I would not feel the mild scent of your presence. How would I know, that your reflection, it projects on me. All I have to do is just turn back and I will see you again.

Maybe we should just let the past be the past. The past! We can't ever go back again. So helpless, so helpless, I cannot go back in time to fall in love with you once again. Troubled, just like the white clouds are messing with my blue sky. If we are not meant for each other, to depend on together forever, to walk every path and share each steps of life, I pray for at least, the courage to miss those moments and the right to embrace you again, just to make you understand the remaining marks of my heartbeats. My heartbeats on you.

How I often wish to see you again, that I even tried to ask around about how you've been, where'd you go. How am I to know that you live in me, protecting my memories.


-whitegirl-

The Most Beautiful Flower of The Season.

Do you believe, that the most beautiful plant of the season bloom unintendedly? We would have think, the firy red and the cheerful green comes from months of nurture, heaps of effort. But the most beautifuls of the season, we bloomed unintended.

A spontanious act, a random conversation, a chain of acquaintance. We might not be the peak among the world, but we are certainly the most beautiful among the season. Carrying burdens of our own, each coming from a completely different route, we might not have met at all. Yet we did, our souls met, I was simply amazed, how can we be so similar, how can we be the same. Had all the people of the world share the same course, same choices and same struggles each day. Or it is just us who so unintendedly shared the same. But no, it is not the way we live our lives that makes us the same.

We shared. It doesn't matter what made us do so, the cold, the stress, the air, or truth or dare. I am glad to have the honour of bringing us together. For I had not done it in my own grace. It was, as I said, an unintented act. I may not have appreciated every moment we shared, but the only ones that I can make a point to remember is the things that we shared. Call me naive to have believed every thing that everyone has shared, it would be stupid to dwell in the world with so much faith in everyone, everywhere, but I do, believe, in everything we shared.

Shaun, you are the help in time of need. I hate the fact that I have been most stern with you, both in words and action, because I believe you to be, and will be a better man. I am sure that in anytime, anywhere, when anyone can call upon a help that would never reject, it is for yours. For sure, you have a kind soul. May you be as wonderful as you have ever been before, as wise as any man can ever ask for, and have all the joy in the world for all the kindness you have blessed others with.

Andrew, you are my joy. You have been great knowing all the mess you have to bear, but you would stand up for any causes that you care for. I believe you to be different, for in Christ you will be blessed. May you have all the confidence and faith in the world, knowing nobody is ever the best, we are just made and mold in different ways. And may Jesus be your guidance, source of faith and wisdom. Ask and it shall be given to you. My brother, my friend.

Pung, you are the special one. You have the something that none of us have. I do not have the word to describe your gift. I believe you to be able to put any gift of yours into full use, gaining more talents as you use them in the course of your life. Trust yourself to be set apart from the ordinary. Live your life like no one else can, do that simply because you can. Strengthen your faith in the Lord, try a freefall with Him. It would be amazing.

Gui Wei, you are the song. Yes, you are the song, not because you sing, but it is your life, your thoughts and your graceful steps that sang. I understand your appreciation, and truly admire your determination. That is one thing that I lack, I find it rare, but I found it in you. I am glad to be able to have you with me when I feels like dancing around, and singing along. You have always been a gracious friend and one that truly understands. May you have the guts to break through to the things that you already understand. Trust that you deserve the best. And sing on, for you are the song.

Pei Wen, you are the innocence. It must be obvious, from your laughs and your dependence. You have all the contentment in the world, and they bring you joy. But always, always, always be confident that you have a long road to go, and you will need all the faith you can muster to keep you standing. Seek forth, not only to live life, but to excel life. I am sorry that I had been ignorant of your appreation of me, I am sorry that I had been rude sometimes. You deserve all the support you can get in life and you certainly will be a treasure to have in my life.

Francis, you are an everlasting company. I am honoured to share your memories. It is not easy for someone to be found walking so closely to you for more than half your life. You are a uniquely gifted person. I believe you to own the power to command your life. Take control, take charge, you have the reasons to do so, and you certainly have the talents to allow you to do so. My old friend, I can tell you, you are ready, for so much more ahead of you. Take a step out to be far apart from your comfort zone, you might discover, you are more than just you.

Aanand, you are my friend. I know it may sound disappointing to say that you are "just" as friend. But I want you to know, friends are connected in the most magical way. We are neither related nor attached in any way. But we can talk so freely about something we wanted to share. Though in an unplanned situation, able to encourage and to truely share. It is as though I walked in your shoes through your time. And I am glad you gave me the privilege to do so. In times to come, I will always pray for you to find the happiness like no other, a greater friend like no other, an undefined love that will make you stutter and a life that is an inspiration to others.

Esther, you are the last one I am to defined, you are the voyager. I believe so because you can see the routes, and the lightness of heart like one. I am truly sorry that we couldn't spend more time knowing each other, it would have been sweet memories altogether. In fact, I say you can take care of youself well, you are not a worry to us but in faith, I say you have all the choices you can ever ask for. So it is always up to you to decide which route you would take. May you have all the strength to make that choice and to stay firm in whatever you have chose, whatever route you take.

I thank you, most beautifuls of the season. We may each take a different path after the short-lived bloom, but we will remain as the most beautifuls of this season, our season. You are my most beautiful, because you are special to me.


Yours truly, always,
-va-

与博客过的一个夜

她也就像任何一个普通的女生。在夜里，穿上了一件稍旧的 T-Shirt，一件一样旧的运动裤，湿湿的头发盘坐在电脑前不如一回事的嘀嘀嗒嗒的打了一篇又一篇的部落各。手指的动作是如此熟练，仿佛失去了那份原有的悸动。谁又知道心急的她是在挣扎着把那片心情放上那无人浏览的网址。无人浏览的那空间，不是为了让人了解，只求那份心情可以找个地方，自由妄想。

他也就像任何一个普通的男生。在夜里，穿上了稍旧的夹克，一件一样旧的短裤在公寓的花园和那一班老朋友聊些有的没的。人字拖在那石地上踢踢踏踏的，走过了她那片心情。他的步伐是如此的不在意，仿佛稍微失去了旋律。谁有知道他即将离去，去那好遥远好遥远的离去。无人了解的距离，不是让人心碎，而是让人回想，思考，冲刺，再去追求那梦想。

她也不过是比别人较情绪化一点点，想得较多一点点，性格较不同一点点，文字较复杂一点点。不是一种打扰，至少她希望她不是他生活上的干扰，只是不时会想要谈谈天；在他回家时，跟他去看看电影，尴尬一下下。一份不知去路的感情，没有负担的爱情，久久一次的温情，和稍微越轨的友情。这样就够了。这样就够了。

他也不过是比别人较颓废一点点，想得较深一点点，性格较与众不同一点点，文字较少一点点。不是一个困扰，至少他只是她的一个困扰。不时会想要弹弹吉他；在她想跟他聊天时，说说一些生活上的一点点，不时偷偷暗示他好想好想她，想跟以前一样，带她回家。一份不知所措的感情，没有防范的爱情，不时不时地殷勤，和稍微特别的友情。好像还不错的呢。好像感觉不错的。

博客的她好怀念那个好久不见的他。好紧张在这周末会见到他吧。会怎么不同吗？还是跟以前一样，有着那甜甜的尴尬。


-梁毓华-

So long, so long.

My summer starts now, it's gonna last for one week, so long, so long. Idle days to come. Stroll on the sunny streets, walking like any other pedestrians, only it's my summer, so long so long. Then drive on the road just beside those, sometimes with the window down after rain, like those leaving this town, goodbye. It's gonna be my summer. With my friends, my God, my car, the beach and the summer time.

I'm sure this season can be held in my arms, like the sunshine and the wind. Be random and spontanious. To fall in love with my favourite band again, those who practice in the garage with a few guitars, a keyboard and a drum. How the strumming of the guitar stays in the air when the music goes quiet and build up again. Take a deep breath and breath in the dreamy voice of the lead. So long, so long.

Stay with you for a while, jump around for a while, maybe a run in the beach, a few screams and some happy shouts. I will live under the cover of the summer breeze under the sky. Just as summer was here. I was here and now I'm gone. I'm gone, I'm gone. So long, so long.

-summer time. so long so long-

Going nuts...Bahhhh!!!

I will not blame anything or anyone. This is just a random expression of craziness, please forget it after reading. Oh, and don't mind my language please.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EEEeeekkk!!! Exams exams exams. WHY LA EXAM...SUCH BAD TIMING. TSK...What the crapppppp! First time ever for my burfday to clash with exams, AND it's supposed to be my LAST TEENAGE BIRTHDAY. Don't the Cambridge people understand what is SPECIAL??? My burfday is what people call special kayy... The WHOLE freakin' Malaysia celebrates the day. At least they used to 'cause the Agong love the 7th of June sooo darn much he had to clash MY birthday with HIS. Indeed the Englishmen have NO respect for the head.. yea.. the HEAD of our country. AND ME.

...
wow...so short only wor...

actually...I just reli wanna go for the movie...




-whitegirl-

welcome home~!

Did you know, I had this dream before, where I smiled when I woke up. I remember it well, I was in the National Service then. It must have been more than one year ago from now. You called to say you have arrived safely in KL then. It was just that brief. You in the car, the city scene start filling the view of the window beside you, you had the phone to your ear and said you are in KL already, probably with a smile.

I woke up smiling. It's just a pure joy that warmed me from the inside. In the mist of neatly lined-up beds and the weather somewhat colder because we are far from the city. I could imagine other girls being all clingy and teary when that someone special is leaving; but I simply cannot deny the joy to know that my someone special is after his dream and while we are far apart yet somehow so knitted in understood terms and such strong faith that we would be together again.

And here we are now, you have finished your studies and heading for somewhere further and a dream bigger. Yet I still have the same faith and same addiction to you. I'm struggling for words now to type out the utmost happiness that you have came to me and said "I'm back in Penang.". To think that you have turn to give me these words, it is just so surreal. You had always come and go without letting me know, with such a personality so careless and slow.

Even if it is the smallest action, I am just so glad that you have given me the privilege to take a small step into your life. Welcome home, I would shout to the apartment tomorrow. =P



-tree-hugger-

love song

I fell in love with love songs lately. They sing it so well as though they are telling their own story. I wonder how will our love song sound like, then I wonder how will it be possible to put all that happened in a song of mere minutes yet it seemed like each song say enough to tell the whole story.

I especially love song that come with a deep cut in the heart, no matter how sanguine I appear to be, I appreciates the melancholic part of me. Love songs became an addiction, the way they sing with so much emotion that it is painful to listen, yet at the end of the song you find yourself smiling with tears. How could we be fighting fiction all along but end up being a part of the story ourselves? Could we have been like those in the songs?

Maybe it was just me all along. I thought I was simply looking at a beautiful picture in a gallery, to have look at it so often that you became more than a habit. A distanced admiration that I cling on to so much. Till the distances dissolves in, till barely anything is left to keep the mildest relationship, but it was too late. However much it burdens my heart, no matter how much struggles were made, you became too painful to be let go of.

Waiting upon your return every time, for the light to shine through your windows. To pray for you each night, to take a detour back to every place that we share the briefest memories, to speak to you through the wind in the softest voice, and above all the faith that I keep in something so vague. I enjoyed every moment of it. Be it alone or with you. I try to remember every smile, every detail, everything that I can, fearing to lose any bit of it.

I will be sure, be brave and be wise, to love you as you should be loved, with every ounce of strength and support I can muster. To wait upon each one of your returns.



-someone else-

Dear you, miss me.

I'm just so happy, so glad that you are coming back. I've always been the one asking, "when are you coming back?" That's because I'm always nervous and don't know what to say. It seemed right to ask. This time, you replied "Very soon," And I don't know how to react. Very soon. This week? Oh...must be this weekend. And I was really happy, I sat where I always sit, and I turned back to see the place that you always occupy, right at the back, near the door. And nope.

But I was not disappointed, I smiled. Hmm...now you're making me think. A cheeky trap. But I am just so happy, whenever it is, it will be very soon. Then I saw you again, and I asked, "What's so dangerous?" And you said "You." And I smiled and asked again, "When are you coming back?" and you said, "very soon" So I waited. I shouted to your apartment from the highway on my way home, "Come home!" And I smiled, because I know you are, very soon.

It is Sunday again, maybe I'll see you in church today. I went and sat where I sat, so happy afterwards when they need my help at the back. I'd be much closer to you if you are home. But you aren't, but I smile, I must have been thinking too much about you, why esle would I care so much. I even blushed for the first time.

Whenever "very soon" maybe, I'll be waiting just right here. Dear you, miss me.



-white girl-

爱君如梦

不准我讲请准我想像
梦到底比真实欢畅
别又何哀聚又何欢
相拥一刻梦不梦想

知得太多便换来失望
梦至少比醒来开朗
醉亦无伤累又何干
只想找一双手臂当床暂时让我躺

爱若是沉重
开心不过能做梦
就算超出可担当的体重
巴掌也都不痛
分手也都不痛
但掠过梦中亦会面红

爱字极沉重
因此只要能做梦
就算穿不起新衣都不冻
相恋要多英勇
分手有多苦痛
暂时就当我们都愚蠢
何必被猜中

我只记得
快乐如闪电
梦里摆一千场喜宴
要是明天再没明天
不必想起爱的缺点
不敢妄想被别人倾慕
但至少可真实一舞
美梦成真 美梦成假
不管真假举起了脚步
暂时未跌倒

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爱君如梦。




-无名-

Jane Austen 的 subtle romance.

It's raining outside. You are leaving in another couples of months...or that is what I've heard. Hmm..and so you slowly drifted away. Almost unnoticed. Disappeared. I foolishly made a covenant, I will wait. Just as we met so briefly, knew each other so shallowly and made such little effort to risk our friendship, we will continue in silence. It is not either of our practice to be vulnerable and exposed and it is best for me to follow after you.

These coming years, a detour crept into our ways, a prank of time. Just as much as I like to play tricks, my existence backfired. Distance has never left us and each time distance grows with time. So much as it had played to our advantage to appreciate each other more, we've met so little for it to be possible to love. We became two lines that met so insignificantly and drew away into two parallel lines after that meeting. Such meeting so plain that it was comfortable, but it would only happen in chance...so much so that we can only wait and not to chase after it.

Your smile, words, and mere existence is enough a reason for me to wait upon. A wink that I was so sure that it is real, as short as a shooting star but so true that no one could deny. Autumn wind gives life to falling leaves and our acquaintance gave life to this stubbornness. To wait upon you again..

-some one else-