Love unconditionally

I just figured this out in bed. Beside me was my cousins, the people whom I grew up with running around the village in grandma's house, the place where we got lost and I started crying and they all cried along. I realised that I so love them, and it surpassses the diferences after we grew up. No matter what we are doing now, what we will be doing in the future. When we are together we are just a bunch kids who laugh out so loud its almost vulgar.

I can't even see the time that we might grow old and be too business like. I guess beyond the things that, we have the bunch of "dude, where's my car" blurrness in us, and we shared oh so many memories that are impossible to share with other people.

I love you guys. Let's do the sleepover thing more often. LOL.



Gong Hei Fatt Choi,
Wa wa

My New Year Wishes

My buddies has been singing the song all I want for Christmas just now, so that song kind of stuck in my head. How I wish I can complete the sentence as well, like all I want for this new year is...

But the thing is, I don't know how to put it in words. How am I supposed to say my wishes is actually for a fairly good year even though I have no idea how to judge if it is good or bad since I am leaving and there are so many things left unsure. Yes, I'll be leaving for study. Yes, it can be temporary. And yes, as much as the percentage of it being temporary, the percentage of staying there for a possible career is just as high. No, I won't be gone for full three years, there will be breaks. Yes, the breaks are usually 2 to 3 months long and no, I am not sure if I will be back for all 3 months every year. Yes, I am ready to go off, and no, I am not sure if I am 100% mentally and emotionally ready. Yes, I am taking an interesting course. But no, I have not had any in depth classes on my majors. Yes, I do have a handful of people whom I will dearly miss. No, I am not sure if our relationship will stay that way.

I know I am greedy, and if you want me to list down the things I want for new year I won't miss out listing in a PSP, iPhone with 3G and a designer bag. But above those things that I am not sure if I can get, I think I just want a good year. A generally good year. That it goes smooth sailing. Even though I am so unsure, one thing I can be sure is that, there's a person who knows better, and even before I am there He is already there waiting for me to do the leap of faith.


Turning impossible to I M Possible with His strength,
Eva

There are stars tonight.

There were stars tonight. Looking at them, seems like I was seeing some old friends, can't help smiling at them, even for a quick glimpse. I went out just now, alone, for supper. It was a familiar joint for me, something that I have been having and once craved for when I was young. I used to sing to my dad and lure him into cycling to get those yummy curry rice for me around midnight when we were still in the old house.

There was solitude tonight. I don't care if other people think it is dangerous to go out alone at night at the wee hours. Mum was asleep. And it is like back then, when I spend time with myself a lot, enjoying my own company, just me..and me. A little rebellious, from sneaking out in mum's car. But it seems so familiar, like my old self sweeping through. I am myself again. The one who sits in the moonlight blogging alone.

Then there was a funny old friend. Simpleton, we chatted for a while and bid goodbye. What jolly good company. Though it was a while, it makes me remember how good it is to be just simple and content. We don't really need all that much anyway.

What a night, a beautiful night, meeting all of you, my old friends. Nothing beats being myself, and knowing that it is all enough.


Finally home,
Eva

A friendly reminder

Got this from Joshua's blog, though I am not a perfect person and have a past to be ashamed of, I figured Jesus is the one thing that I am not ashamed of. So here goes.

__________________________________________________________________

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking..............

Dart Test...

A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons.
One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day. On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture.

Sally's friend drew a picture of someone who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.

The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target.

Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall. Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced.

Dr. Smith said only these words... 'In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me.' Matthew 25:40. No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ.

This is an easy test; you score 100 or zero. It's your choice. If you aren't ashamed to do this, please follow the directions. Jesus said, 'If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you, before My Father.'

Not ashamed ... pass this on.
Ashamed ... delete it.

Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Isn't it funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Isn't it funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says.

Or is it scary?Isn't it funny how someone can say 'I believe in God' but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also 'believes' in God ).

Isn't it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and! they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Isn't it funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Isn't it funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week.

Isn't it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.

Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me.

__________________________________________________________________

Well, I do worry about what God thinks of me. So, lots of love to you guys,
Eva

Pattern

Looking back at the things that we did, we heard, we favour, we hate, we were once crazy about, I do realise that we live up in a pattern. And it hurts to think that myself, is too bound by a pattern, some pattern of other people's life. Yes, it is rude to label people like items, but the truth is, I think we all can be labelled, like how we react in situations. No matter how much we would like to deny, history does repeat itself, and in human, the time period of history isn't really that long, sometimes, it's just months away.

So it offends me and hurts me to know that I can be fitted into a pattern of someone else's. I do not believe in coincidences. It doesn't need a genius to tell you we are similar. She did that, so did I. She was that, and so am I. In the surface, I cannot deny the things that I do and whoever I am. So I hate it to my bones that what I do and who I am hunts me back. I am vain, I want to be an individual, up till now, I still believe with my heart and soul that I am an individual. God created me not to fit into some other people's mold. I am made for His mold, and in my life, may He refine me and try me to make me fit better.

For once I ask, do not label me, judge me, or try to fit me in the patterns of people who had been there before me. Don't like me because I am like a certain he or she, and at your mercy, don't hate me for being like someone else. I have my own identity, though I may seem the same on the outside, I would appreciate if you actually try to look within.

Certainly, after this, I am swayed and confused. But off this page and the words, I am sure of myself, who I am, what I do. I still have some growing up to do. =)


With love,
Eva

Crosslinked

Yes, I have finally decided to cross-link and unprivatise. I finally got over the fact that if I am to post it online, somehow, everybody will read it anyway. So who cares, you guys will have to pretend like you have never read anything from here [blogspot] and there [multiply]. Otherwise, I will have to personally poison you to muteness and break your pitiful little fingers to avoid you learning sign language.

So, thank you for reading.


With love,
Eva

P/s: If you haven't notice, I am still in the mood of the last post. Grrh.

Revenge of the bitten person

It was a typical good night. I was online and chatting. I was actually having a good time and he said "good night," and I bid goodbye. Then, out of the corner of my eye. There was this red and black little thing wiggling on my right hand, just slightly above my elbow.

*SHOCK* that's the evil bug that pee poison on people and make your hand get very bad infection!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH~~~ CRAP. And its butt was so close to my skin, I could practically see myself getting victimized by the butt of the bug. My mouth is fighting back a bad cursing word while the quickness of my finger ticked the bug off from my hand. But it was all too late. The harm was already done. Now there is this little bump on my hand that is waiting to swell and start producing some kind of bad painful blister.

Sucks. Every moment that I know this bug of the ultimate evil still roam in my room sucks. But my live is more important so I flip-flopped to the washroom and applied a big bloop of body shampoo and started scrubbing the bump area franticly and washed off the soap.

Still sucks. It is still alive somewhere. But one thought of grace and mercy passed my mind, I actually thought of letting it live and not hunting it down...it's probably because I was already tired by then. So I turned off the laptop and went to bed.

May all curses and dissentment fall on that evil little creature with a mind full of malicious intentions and body filled with gooey poisonous fluid and may it die in such misery that no bug can imagine or comprehend and its corpse no where to rest and rot in my hearty revenge. There it was ON MY BED. Looks like that thing really wanted to ruin my Chinese New Year.

I am not somebody to be messed with, bug. My right hand took hold of the closest thing in my reach that will bring death to the bug - my chinese version hard cover bible. And my heart filled with anger of its determined intentions and squash! The poisonous fluid was spilled over the sides of my bible. But that thing was still wiggling with life.

Its butt stucked to the fabricated skin of the cover and its body was moving in such way that angered me more. I took it to daddy to make sure that it is a poisonous bug and the verdict was there. Guilty as charged. Stupid bug. So I plugged in the vermin electricutor and took a pencil and poked it to the bug. The sticky butt of the bug was stuck to the pencil.

I bet it could see revenge in my eyes. The end of the pencil got nearer and nearer to the blue light and to the wires that is flowing with furious electric waves. So I gave it a last wiggle and the bug was stucked between two electric wires. I turned away to switch on my computer to write about its painful death and my sweet revenge. After a while, there was a burnt smell coming from the electricutor and I know it is done.



Don't you dare mess with me, bug, don't you dare.
-Eva-

Elopement

Time draws near. There is this undeniable excitement that is brewing inside, like a pot of coffee the scent bitter yet in this time I smell nothing but the sweetness in the air. Though the dark clouds are ruining my day. The song keeps playing, skip this town for a little while, and off I am eloping with myself.

So there will be more time alone, with me and you and the words that's swimming inside of me. Bubbling up and bursting into songs of the seasons and at times singing out loud, sometimes with strength and courage, while other times in melancholy and romanticism. Most times with sacarsm and dry wit. Skip this town for a little while, and I wander and wonder if you will ever follow.

So I am leaving, it's an elopement. Of plain craziness and spotaniousity. So much spinning around me but I am in so much joy and faith. Until I see you again, until I see you again. Skip this town for a little while.



-va-

Go out much?

Indeed I am stepping into the age of 20, an age which young ladies in the old English days would 'be out' as in gatherings, dances, recitals, concerts and performances of other kinds, to meet people and hopefully get married. In my case, I do wonder how my parents can come to be like Mr. & Mrs. Bennet in Pride & Prejudice.

That day when we were out for breakfast in BM town, my father, mother and I that is, bumped into a colleague who used to work in the office next to ours, Miss T. She is such a sweet person, chatty and nice. Then as if the topic is bound to come into sight, she said, "Oh, your daughter has certainly grown up beautifully." *Thank you, Ms. T* and as followed, they discussed with excitement very much alike to the Bennets when they spoke about suitors for the Miss Bennets. Of course, Miss T and my parents did not speak with skillful language of English, they just talked about it like they are discussing the stock market.

As I did not tell my parents about whatever is going on on my side, they assumed that I had not anybody at all who had throw himself at me. Not that there are anyone who literary throw but I daresay my *market history* is not all that bad. So I since I had un-crosslink my blog, I think it is pretty safe to talk about it here. You who read shall bring it to your grave if you will.

Here goes, names will be censored. So number one, there was the accomplished senior from high school and his friend, the freaky home science teacher who tries to convince me to be his mistress, indeed, EW, the guy whom I owe a double prosperity burger to, and the guy who appears very frequently in the beginning of my blog and some other few guys whom I am keeping it to myself as a respect to their privacy and mine. And yes I am still very disgusted by the teacher. He should be sued and shot.

Anyhow, I prefer my bed, laptop, home theatre, guitar, and newly done garden for now. I don't think I can take any heavy dose of tragedy before my departure. Plus, my future, whatever it may be and whoever will be in it, it's totally up to my Father, the One who lives upstairs. I trust that He reserved the best for me.

With love,

Baba

Buckets of irony

Eva lives in a bucket of irony. Oh stop being judgemental, don't we all?! Please don't mind my language for this post I am in so much frustration that I cannot speak with pleasant politeness.

Darn it for being such a great night. And having to bring it to the grave not telling a living soul.

Okay. I am refraining myself from talking. It's bound to blow up and make some serious who knows what anyway. Email me for details. The willingness of telling depends 100% on our personal relationship, our meaning me and you dear reader. Me and you.



Ditto.



-Eva-

视而不见

I had learned to grow blind on things around me. Things I should not see. Like how he is making a dump and pulling her in. And how best friends are turning strange. And how that little girl is getting neglected. Probably that lady who is worried about her son too. And the people and things around you that drives you to think how foolish people live to be.

Why is he digging deep? Knowing these are plainly out of his selfish desires. Indeed no one can in anyway budge into his personal matters. And she is just running along with him. If Jane Austen is alive she would probably write about them in such ways as an example of social norm. A man with more flesh than brains, very much lack of good will and honorable intentions; and the woman foolish, with no indications in anyway whatsoever to protect her virtues, chastity and good name.

Nonetheless, ignorant and foolishness cannot be compared to cruelty and rudeness. With so much beautiful things being said, nothing is forever, isn't it true? Just as long as it disappears in a sweeter way, nothing can be of harm. Only people - the ladies especially, with no offence to my own gender - seems to have problems maintaining healthy lasting relationships. Rumours tends to come in between, and what more about womenly instinct which most of the time only happens to be inpractical assumption and in more unpleasant word, I would call it insultations. However, I am in no place to judge other's behaviour, who am I anyway? Just an incy wincy blogger who has just a little too much to say.

Oh and that young lady, yes... She is just so small. Not very well practiced in the ways of the world neither intelligent nor blooming in confidence. No one probably has told her how beautiful she is as herself and how wonderful a person she can be as she grows up. Anyhow, what more can anybody do, after all, no one cares enough to take up the burden of bringing up a bright charitable young lady, no one who fits anyway. Of course, it depends heavily on the person herself to know where to pick her role model. And she did, one who is giggly and girly, somewhat vain and not too bright. These things, we have nothing to do with, only for the society to slowly eliminate those inappropriate to survive. Unless you are able and willing to do the honor of raising some other people's child.

Well, I learn to grow blind, partially at least, just enough to abstain from inserting myself into other people's matters. All calamities and diseases of human defect, none of which I have the super ability to stop, though I may very well cushion the effect for these people, but I refuse to. Just like the cycle of economics and other things that are of the poor results of human nature, I choose to sit the best position and make the best out of the situations that I am in. A hermit, that's who I am.


-Eva-

Cross-post, no?

Okay, now I am seriously thinking if I should cross-post in my multiplt site as well or not. Since I only really care about this one. But there are still people who reads my posts from other channels, and other people actually includes MY DAD. How ler? How ler? I really love having more than one site, even though multiply's one is not exactly a site that I run.

And this is a new year. As in, new people, new non-female people, new conflicts, new whining posts. Most of which will not find flavour in Mr. Leong Sr.'s eyes. And people who I actually know and who are not of my age and people who you know, respect and stuff.

Blagghhhhh. Fine, I will convince myself somehow that dad already has:-
1. Forgot his multiply password.
2. Gave up reading my blog after my grumbles.
3. Even if he is still reading he'll pretend like he doesn't.
4. Totally respect my privacy because I am turning 20!
5. Somehow forget that his account in multiply exists at all.

I really love him, he's probably the sweetest dad anyone can have, it's just that everybody still have stuff they would prefer their parents to NOT know. Love you, dad. Really do.


Eva.

Updates

I actually find nothing much to blog about once the concert is over. I pretty much went back into my lazy mode. Not much thinking, less reading, less things that are actually productive. No goals, nothing that actually drive my life running. And it is *kind of* according to my plan, a real laid back holiday before I leave for Uni.

Of course I can still make lists. Like what I normally do when I have nothing much to write about.

List #1: Parties & Gatherings I attended during the holiday season.

1. Beng Hooi's Housewarming.

Note: No offence but not all that warming for me.

2. Some-rich-dude-that-lives-in-Tambun-Indah's Housewarming.
Note: It was scary and huge. Filthly rich and pompous. But a scene that you must see before you die.

3. Christmas Service in TOG.

4. Christmas Eve party at Uncle Eddie's.
Note: Simply heartwarming. Do not regret any second that I spend there.

5. HEB 1228 Concert.

6. Watch Night Service in TOG.
Note: My favourite part was getting Joshua's love letter & when we were goofing around in Pei Wen's car.

7. My cousin, Chun Hwa's wedding reception, pre-wedding, wedding morning ceremony.

8. Alvin's post-Christmas Turkey Feast.

Note: Great fun and happy reunion with Albert. Thanks Alvin, I had a great time.

9. Tanya Chua, Gary Chao Ge, Ning Baizura & Reshmonu in AIA Kick Off Concert, Champion Star Night.

10. TOG 26th Anniversary.

Phew. See? I am serious when I tell you I am a busy person.

...........................................................................................................................

List #2: Christmas presents that I gave out.

1. A pair of Voir earrings for Pam. RM19.90.

2. A cute rabbit to hang on bag for Pei Wen, my dar. RM6 *I think*

3. A glitter poof for Tanya from Elinto. RM3.

4. A clear nail polish with glitter for Sera mommy. RM5+

5. Another cute rabbit hang on bag for Shuang Ling, RM5+

6. A RM10 KFC voucher for gift exchange in TOG Youth Christmas. Free (Opportunity cost - RM10 free meal.)

7. A tea tree oil blemish stick from The Body Shop for Jireh & Caleb to share. - RM29, thanks to inflation. Pfftttt!!!!

8. Two Mask Rider Series DVD for my dearest boyfriend Joshua Chan whom I will love forever. - RM30.

...................................................................................................................................

And most of the time my lists gets better as they go on.

List #3: Christmas presents that I GOT.

1. A plat that says "God bless our home.", a hand towel, an unbrella. - All from TOG.

2. A dozen of blue ball pen from TOG Youth Christmas Party gift exchange.

3. A christmas hat with Santa Clause printed on from Yun Sing.

4. A pair of leopard print studs from Vince & Co from Pam.

5. A pair of star shinny earring from Tanya.

6. A floral hairclip that comes in a box of origamies from Eunice Lim*LEONG*, my cute sis.

7. A waterproof make up bag from Aunty Hwee Mee.

8. A T-shirt with the gift of Holy Spirit printed on and a "Footprints For Teens" and a calender written on by Joshua with his name saying "I *heart* U" and a love letter with nice little drawings from Jireh, Caleb & Joshua.

9. A DKNY Be Delicious parfum from mom.

10. An external hard disk with have the free space of approximately 297 Gig from Dad who spoils me. Btw, it's PINK.

............................................................................................................................

And the best is yet to come.

List #4: NEW Things that I got.

1. A genuine cow leather sling bag from MANGO. RM69 (Original price: RM119)

2. Two hairbands from Bonita. RM5 (So cheap & good)

3. 4 fake bun styling hair clips. RM4.50.

4. A "CREW" cap from Vince & Co. in PINK with fur. RM49.90. I am gonna sue the lady for not asking me for member card and wasting my money!

5. A new pair of Calvin Klein boot cut jeans that fit so perfectly like tailor-made. RM300++.

6. A pair of beige color slacks from GAP in Singapore and a black color cardigan. S$100+.

7. Two polo tees, a pair of straight cut jeans and a khaki color minis from Levi's Signature in Singapore Vivo City Mall. S$150+

8. A wonderful experience from reverse bungee in Clarke Quay, Singapore. S$45

.

9. A white bohemian top from Esprit Gurney Plaza.RM69.90.

10. A blue striped casual shirt, a black pencil + A line skirt and a leopard print pencil box; all from Esprit Sunway Carnival. RM99.90+RM99.90+RM30.00.

11. A pair of light brown classic and comfy genuine leather Mary Janes from Clarks. RM248.00 *paid from my salary*.

..............................................................................................................................

Oh yes 2009 is a happy year, yes I am a living piece of splurge! and a party animal. And you should start hating me in about...5...4...3...2....1, NOW. LOL.

Nah, anyways, this is the reason why I haven't been blogging. Love you guys for still staying with me. I promise I'll flood this page once I get off my holiday mood.

Lots of love,

Eva - the spoiled brat.