Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Be strong

It was a typical expected good day. We were going into a big factory for some big business. This time, my friends were coming with me, my brother and my twin. It was like I say an expected good day. What could be better than 3 Christians working hand in hand, praising and encouraging each other every minute of the day?

It went uphill, good business, happy fellowship, lots of good Christian songs, more testimonies and people showing open doors to the gospel. Then it got better, great prayer time spent with God, getting a real fully paid salary and a nice dinner for the 2 darlings. Then it's caregroup time at night. One great ending that we share with our fellow members and encourage their growth. Then it was head home and rest for the next big day.

And the Devil has something instored. There's no way he could miss a big fall. Plans and schemes, so finely drafted, almost seamless. The moment the car was stagnent, the door locked, the handphone showed 7 miscalls by "Mom". This could be bad, but considering how great a day it was, no big stuff was expected. Non-heavy duty-hardcore weapon was estimated. Of course, the Devil saw that coming.

The news was not even anything directly affecting me, or my family, one 16 year old teen girl was killed in a gone-bad kidnap case. Mom was nervous so she made the call to check. I was sure those seven phone calls was made when I was driving home from church to Pam's and Pam's to home. It could hardly be 20 minutes. But dad was the one who was dead mad. It gave me a hard time that it has to be this to welcome me home.

But mom was not so happy either, the same thing that has prompted her to my persecution, it was doing it again. She did not know how to describe it, all she could say is abnormal and obsessed. She knew not how to explain it, she only looked disturbed. I am confident, whatever was disturbing her, it was not from God. Even as a request, her tone and her presentation of her request was not at all friendly, but very much hurting. As if she would rather not look at me, as if putting me at fault.

A friend told me, the company that my parents are working for, it was likely to face a close down. I felt weak. All these that I am having now, might be gone. Every single one. I am only certain that God will not be.

I realize no matter how great a day can turn out to be, this is still one of the best days in my life, because I lived it knowing God is with me, knowing the word and not the world. Seeking Him and none other than Him. But the Devil will always find a way. digging up things that will break your spirit.

One thing I find today, is that when God awakes my spirit, things become obvious. The guy down there become furious. They have a battle in ways that we cannot see, just like how Job landed in a battlefield, I walked into a battlefield, I might not see the full picture of the battle but I want to arm myself the best I can. Because I know it's either the Devil or God. I have to make a choice.

I admit that I am weak and I am not able, that I cannot do anything to change the things happening around me. But it is by God, and everytime I pray, it moves the hand of God, my prayer do the things my hands cannot do. He moves in a way I cannot see. He will make a way for me, He will make a way.

with faith,

Sunday, September 14, 2008

My life for You

I am so glad that you found me, that my life is not lost, not in the world, not wandering. I don't really know what to say now, because what is in my mind is only to live my life for you. I know how people see us as impossible people, some thinks we are hypocrites, like those pharisees. But I don't want to judge people. Please help me to not judge people, because I don't have the right to do so. Help me to be humble and take away my "Holier than thou" attitude.

My life is for you, every moment, every breathe and every word. So please help me to do it right, just as you had. I trust that you have picked us to be different, I don't care if this difference is gonna drive the world to hate me. I would rather starve on the roadside and be a beggar than to live in the world that does not please you. Jabez prayed it, and I want to say the same thing too, I want blessings, please enlarge my territory, put your hands upon me and keep me away from the evil ones that they may not grieve me. And I would wrestle with you if I have to, even if it means giving up my physical things, to be lame after the battle like Jacob, I cannot live without you. I won't let you go, so please please keep me with you. The world is too much for me to bear it alone.

Only you, only you had done it and know the way, you are the way, your are the truth, and the life, you are my life. I am sorry that I have grieved you so many times. I am so sorry that I would even dare to feel far away from you when tempted. The truth is you are never far away, even before I pray, you know the desires of my heart. You see and hear and know me better than I know myself. As I grieved for my past, I know you grieve more. When I cry to you, I know you cried more. When I sacrifice to you, you sacrificed more. I would never ever find a man like you.

Help me to do so, as I pray I say I am not ready for any man, until I am ready for you. Because you are my man. I know you personally, and you understand me completely. I want to be with you, and until you would put him in my life, my left ring finger is for your ring. Keep me with you.

Keep me with you. I trust and I trust you.

Monday, September 1, 2008

A step refreshed

因为国度,权柄,荣耀, 全是你的,

I would like to start this post with the Lord's Prayer. After such a long time not being here. To make a new beginning from the inside out. Inviting God to come in this place while other new post are going to be written. Realising that I cannot survive without the food for my spirit. How hungry and thristy. Helpless and weak. So to ask for the Holy Spirit to come and fill me again. And this time, hopefully, you too.



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