Haa...it has been awhile since I last mention about this matter. Dearest readers, if you don't already know, the blogger of this blog is a somewhat self-righteous, proud, most of the time self-centered and a sneaky opportunist. Ever since I left Malaysia, I confess that I think a lot about myself, to some extend I doubt my intentions of doing things are to grab people's attention. As days went by, I guess I have somehow left out an important fact of life.
Yes, I live for Him! How could I ever forget, always praying that I will be a living sacrifice, to sit on the altar and willingly submit to my God. I am so glad that He reminds me once again, I had meant what I pray. And the thing is when I was asked if I am doing what I prayed...I could not give a good enough answer. I did, undeniably let the idea of living to be the good and faithful servant slip. My results must have look somewhat nasty on my result sheet of daily serving and devotion.
Yet He was gentle in his words, giving me the privilege of realising all these matters. My Father had not release his wrath and disappointment in my life. He had not shut the door of my daily provision, he had been faithful...just like he promised to be. It scares me that I have problems being humble, I have trouble acknowledging that other people are just as precious in God's eyes.
So my purpose..my purpose in life is not to be the beautiful, the popular, the genius, the rich brat, or any of those thing I tried to be. My purpose in life to to love, to love the people around me, to love my God, that everyday of my life, every action and intention, they should ever bring praise and glory to him, they should be accountable in my life of servanthood. And let this be the best form of worship to Him.
I want to obey Your ways, o Lord. My heart longs to be in your presence again. I want to live to be a better person, to bring glory to you.. For everything you have done in my life, this is the least I can do. I miss you Father, fill my heart with your spirit again.
-in thirst and desparation for restoration and to be renewed-
Showing posts with label Holy Spirit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holy Spirit. Show all posts
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
My New Year Wishes
My buddies has been singing the song all I want for Christmas just now, so that song kind of stuck in my head. How I wish I can complete the sentence as well, like all I want for this new year is...
But the thing is, I don't know how to put it in words. How am I supposed to say my wishes is actually for a fairly good year even though I have no idea how to judge if it is good or bad since I am leaving and there are so many things left unsure. Yes, I'll be leaving for study. Yes, it can be temporary. And yes, as much as the percentage of it being temporary, the percentage of staying there for a possible career is just as high. No, I won't be gone for full three years, there will be breaks. Yes, the breaks are usually 2 to 3 months long and no, I am not sure if I will be back for all 3 months every year. Yes, I am ready to go off, and no, I am not sure if I am 100% mentally and emotionally ready. Yes, I am taking an interesting course. But no, I have not had any in depth classes on my majors. Yes, I do have a handful of people whom I will dearly miss. No, I am not sure if our relationship will stay that way.
I know I am greedy, and if you want me to list down the things I want for new year I won't miss out listing in a PSP, iPhone with 3G and a designer bag. But above those things that I am not sure if I can get, I think I just want a good year. A generally good year. That it goes smooth sailing. Even though I am so unsure, one thing I can be sure is that, there's a person who knows better, and even before I am there He is already there waiting for me to do the leap of faith.
Turning impossible to I M Possible with His strength,
Eva
But the thing is, I don't know how to put it in words. How am I supposed to say my wishes is actually for a fairly good year even though I have no idea how to judge if it is good or bad since I am leaving and there are so many things left unsure. Yes, I'll be leaving for study. Yes, it can be temporary. And yes, as much as the percentage of it being temporary, the percentage of staying there for a possible career is just as high. No, I won't be gone for full three years, there will be breaks. Yes, the breaks are usually 2 to 3 months long and no, I am not sure if I will be back for all 3 months every year. Yes, I am ready to go off, and no, I am not sure if I am 100% mentally and emotionally ready. Yes, I am taking an interesting course. But no, I have not had any in depth classes on my majors. Yes, I do have a handful of people whom I will dearly miss. No, I am not sure if our relationship will stay that way.
I know I am greedy, and if you want me to list down the things I want for new year I won't miss out listing in a PSP, iPhone with 3G and a designer bag. But above those things that I am not sure if I can get, I think I just want a good year. A generally good year. That it goes smooth sailing. Even though I am so unsure, one thing I can be sure is that, there's a person who knows better, and even before I am there He is already there waiting for me to do the leap of faith.
Turning impossible to I M Possible with His strength,
Eva
Monday, November 3, 2008
Seek First -A love letter.
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
-Matthew 6:33
What a verse to live by, look at how wonderfully it was written. All things shall be added... God's way is just so simple. Seek Him first, says He. As long as we dwell in His presence, love Him, follow and obey Him. Submit to Him as a living sacrifice, all the things of our desires will be added to us. Added. ADDED. It means there is more! Added to you, as long as you seek Him first, He will grant you blessings and anointing PLUS the desires of you heart!
How wonderfully written. And why not? Why shouldn't we seek Him? There's no reasons valid for that! He is the Saviour, MY PERSONAL Saviour. It means if it is ONLY ME who needs salvation, He would come for me the same way too. Just as glorious, making just as big the sacrifice. You saved my life, took away my sins and shame and all the pain. You have overcome all these mess that I should be in. You have seen me through all my days. Everyday. How could I not love You and adore You. There is no words to compare to what has been done and You love for me. I love and love and love You. And it is the least I can do, to live my life for You.
-Eva, life, You gave me Life.-
-Matthew 6:33
What a verse to live by, look at how wonderfully it was written. All things shall be added... God's way is just so simple. Seek Him first, says He. As long as we dwell in His presence, love Him, follow and obey Him. Submit to Him as a living sacrifice, all the things of our desires will be added to us. Added. ADDED. It means there is more! Added to you, as long as you seek Him first, He will grant you blessings and anointing PLUS the desires of you heart!
How wonderfully written. And why not? Why shouldn't we seek Him? There's no reasons valid for that! He is the Saviour, MY PERSONAL Saviour. It means if it is ONLY ME who needs salvation, He would come for me the same way too. Just as glorious, making just as big the sacrifice. You saved my life, took away my sins and shame and all the pain. You have overcome all these mess that I should be in. You have seen me through all my days. Everyday. How could I not love You and adore You. There is no words to compare to what has been done and You love for me. I love and love and love You. And it is the least I can do, to live my life for You.
-Eva, life, You gave me Life.-
Friday, October 17, 2008
Lifesong
When he sings "Let my lifesong sings to You." I thought about my lifesong. Under such circumstances...
It would be a war-cry.
It would be a heartiful yell of a soldier before war.
It would bring tear and strength in the same time.
It would be like tearing apart and rebuilding at once.
It would be a yelp with such unknown painful joy.
It would be like a desparation.
It would call upon help.
It would summon thunders and rain.
It would shower the dried soil with fresh stream water.
It would flow into the hearts of others.
It would awake the spirit of a church.
It would release warriors and angelic hosts.
It would be a prayer without words.
It would be a child's cry for the Father.
It would be a lover's call to the Other.
It would be an embrace forever remembered.
It would bring me and You closer.
It is something that I want to do.
Let my lifesong sings to You.
With love,
Eva
It would be a war-cry.
It would be a heartiful yell of a soldier before war.
It would bring tear and strength in the same time.
It would be like tearing apart and rebuilding at once.
It would be a yelp with such unknown painful joy.
It would be like a desparation.
It would call upon help.
It would summon thunders and rain.
It would shower the dried soil with fresh stream water.
It would flow into the hearts of others.
It would awake the spirit of a church.
It would release warriors and angelic hosts.
It would be a prayer without words.
It would be a child's cry for the Father.
It would be a lover's call to the Other.
It would be an embrace forever remembered.
It would bring me and You closer.
It is something that I want to do.
Let my lifesong sings to You.
With love,
Eva
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I have decided to write about God
I have decided to write about God. Because there is nothing in the world worth writing anymore. People who disappoints and things that doesn't work out the way they should. Finally coming back into realising that only God surpasses all understanding. That He is ever there, ever present. And He is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Not one less or not one less important than another. I believe everything that You say. Everything in the Bible. I place my trust in God alone. For people fail, I fail but God will never fail.
I have decided to write about God. Because I am weak, helpless and lost. No one can lead me through this twirl but God. It is amazing to realise once again that life is not in control, not in my control, that plan changes, dreams evolves, fear creeps in, people leave, situations break down. And we human can only do so much. I place my trust in God alone. For He gives me peace.
I have decided to write about God. Even though no one sees or hear. Because His presence is very much real. That nothing can snatch those memories away from me. That touch, the tears, the burning fire, and our intimate encounter. The laughters and joy that He brought into my life. I would have never know, feel, see or hear so wonderful things if He had not came into my life. Ignorance is not bliss. Knowing Jesus is bliss.
I have decided to write about God. Because even if He decided to stop His blessing, He has blessed me more than I deserve. If ever He calls, I will answer to it, because I cannot say no to the one who saved my life, my lover, brother, father, master and friend. That my life is His, I would sing, dance, shout for joy, talk, walk and live for Him alone. And He said, nothing can snatch you out of my hands.
I have decided to write about God, follow Him, love Him, trust Him all the days of my life.
-Eva-
I have decided to write about God. Because I am weak, helpless and lost. No one can lead me through this twirl but God. It is amazing to realise once again that life is not in control, not in my control, that plan changes, dreams evolves, fear creeps in, people leave, situations break down. And we human can only do so much. I place my trust in God alone. For He gives me peace.
I have decided to write about God. Even though no one sees or hear. Because His presence is very much real. That nothing can snatch those memories away from me. That touch, the tears, the burning fire, and our intimate encounter. The laughters and joy that He brought into my life. I would have never know, feel, see or hear so wonderful things if He had not came into my life. Ignorance is not bliss. Knowing Jesus is bliss.
I have decided to write about God. Because even if He decided to stop His blessing, He has blessed me more than I deserve. If ever He calls, I will answer to it, because I cannot say no to the one who saved my life, my lover, brother, father, master and friend. That my life is His, I would sing, dance, shout for joy, talk, walk and live for Him alone. And He said, nothing can snatch you out of my hands.
I have decided to write about God, follow Him, love Him, trust Him all the days of my life.
-Eva-
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Be strong
It was a typical expected good day. We were going into a big factory for some big business. This time, my friends were coming with me, my brother and my twin. It was like I say an expected good day. What could be better than 3 Christians working hand in hand, praising and encouraging each other every minute of the day?
It went uphill, good business, happy fellowship, lots of good Christian songs, more testimonies and people showing open doors to the gospel. Then it got better, great prayer time spent with God, getting a real fully paid salary and a nice dinner for the 2 darlings. Then it's caregroup time at night. One great ending that we share with our fellow members and encourage their growth. Then it was head home and rest for the next big day.
And the Devil has something instored. There's no way he could miss a big fall. Plans and schemes, so finely drafted, almost seamless. The moment the car was stagnent, the door locked, the handphone showed 7 miscalls by "Mom". This could be bad, but considering how great a day it was, no big stuff was expected. Non-heavy duty-hardcore weapon was estimated. Of course, the Devil saw that coming.
The news was not even anything directly affecting me, or my family, one 16 year old teen girl was killed in a gone-bad kidnap case. Mom was nervous so she made the call to check. I was sure those seven phone calls was made when I was driving home from church to Pam's and Pam's to home. It could hardly be 20 minutes. But dad was the one who was dead mad. It gave me a hard time that it has to be this to welcome me home.
But mom was not so happy either, the same thing that has prompted her to my persecution, it was doing it again. She did not know how to describe it, all she could say is abnormal and obsessed. She knew not how to explain it, she only looked disturbed. I am confident, whatever was disturbing her, it was not from God. Even as a request, her tone and her presentation of her request was not at all friendly, but very much hurting. As if she would rather not look at me, as if putting me at fault.
A friend told me, the company that my parents are working for, it was likely to face a close down. I felt weak. All these that I am having now, might be gone. Every single one. I am only certain that God will not be.
I realize no matter how great a day can turn out to be, this is still one of the best days in my life, because I lived it knowing God is with me, knowing the word and not the world. Seeking Him and none other than Him. But the Devil will always find a way. digging up things that will break your spirit.
One thing I find today, is that when God awakes my spirit, things become obvious. The guy down there become furious. They have a battle in ways that we cannot see, just like how Job landed in a battlefield, I walked into a battlefield, I might not see the full picture of the battle but I want to arm myself the best I can. Because I know it's either the Devil or God. I have to make a choice.
I admit that I am weak and I am not able, that I cannot do anything to change the things happening around me. But it is by God, and everytime I pray, it moves the hand of God, my prayer do the things my hands cannot do. He moves in a way I cannot see. He will make a way for me, He will make a way.
with faith,
Eva
It went uphill, good business, happy fellowship, lots of good Christian songs, more testimonies and people showing open doors to the gospel. Then it got better, great prayer time spent with God, getting a real fully paid salary and a nice dinner for the 2 darlings. Then it's caregroup time at night. One great ending that we share with our fellow members and encourage their growth. Then it was head home and rest for the next big day.
And the Devil has something instored. There's no way he could miss a big fall. Plans and schemes, so finely drafted, almost seamless. The moment the car was stagnent, the door locked, the handphone showed 7 miscalls by "Mom". This could be bad, but considering how great a day it was, no big stuff was expected. Non-heavy duty-hardcore weapon was estimated. Of course, the Devil saw that coming.
The news was not even anything directly affecting me, or my family, one 16 year old teen girl was killed in a gone-bad kidnap case. Mom was nervous so she made the call to check. I was sure those seven phone calls was made when I was driving home from church to Pam's and Pam's to home. It could hardly be 20 minutes. But dad was the one who was dead mad. It gave me a hard time that it has to be this to welcome me home.
But mom was not so happy either, the same thing that has prompted her to my persecution, it was doing it again. She did not know how to describe it, all she could say is abnormal and obsessed. She knew not how to explain it, she only looked disturbed. I am confident, whatever was disturbing her, it was not from God. Even as a request, her tone and her presentation of her request was not at all friendly, but very much hurting. As if she would rather not look at me, as if putting me at fault.
A friend told me, the company that my parents are working for, it was likely to face a close down. I felt weak. All these that I am having now, might be gone. Every single one. I am only certain that God will not be.
I realize no matter how great a day can turn out to be, this is still one of the best days in my life, because I lived it knowing God is with me, knowing the word and not the world. Seeking Him and none other than Him. But the Devil will always find a way. digging up things that will break your spirit.
One thing I find today, is that when God awakes my spirit, things become obvious. The guy down there become furious. They have a battle in ways that we cannot see, just like how Job landed in a battlefield, I walked into a battlefield, I might not see the full picture of the battle but I want to arm myself the best I can. Because I know it's either the Devil or God. I have to make a choice.
I admit that I am weak and I am not able, that I cannot do anything to change the things happening around me. But it is by God, and everytime I pray, it moves the hand of God, my prayer do the things my hands cannot do. He moves in a way I cannot see. He will make a way for me, He will make a way.
with faith,
Eva
Monday, September 1, 2008
A step refreshed
我们在天上的父，
愿人都尊你的名为上，
愿你的国度降临，
愿你的旨意行在地上，
如同行在天上，
我们日用的饮食，今日赐给我们。
免我们的债，
如同我们免了人的债。
不叫我们遇见试探；
救我们脱离凶恶。
因为国度，权柄，荣耀， 全是你的，
直到永远。阿们。
I would like to start this post with the Lord's Prayer. After such a long time not being here. To make a new beginning from the inside out. Inviting God to come in this place while other new post are going to be written. Realising that I cannot survive without the food for my spirit. How hungry and thristy. Helpless and weak. So to ask for the Holy Spirit to come and fill me again. And this time, hopefully, you too.
Eva
愿人都尊你的名为上，
愿你的国度降临，
愿你的旨意行在地上，
如同行在天上，
我们日用的饮食，今日赐给我们。
免我们的债，
如同我们免了人的债。
不叫我们遇见试探；
救我们脱离凶恶。
因为国度，权柄，荣耀， 全是你的，
直到永远。阿们。
I would like to start this post with the Lord's Prayer. After such a long time not being here. To make a new beginning from the inside out. Inviting God to come in this place while other new post are going to be written. Realising that I cannot survive without the food for my spirit. How hungry and thristy. Helpless and weak. So to ask for the Holy Spirit to come and fill me again. And this time, hopefully, you too.
Eva
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