Thursday, February 28, 2008

cruel wishlist

I had another session with my mom. I didn't call it an arguement 'cause I stayed quiet. She asked me what do I want. Well, here's my wishlist.
1. I want a Christian family. Whatever I went through could have been the struggle of my forefathers and not mine.
2. I want an understanding Christian parents who knows what I want.
3. I want parents who can sceam with me when I'm happy and not tell me that I'm being immature.
4. I want a father that stay faithful in his marriage.
5. I want a family free from the curse of adultery. Not up to me to bear the burden so my children will stay pure.
6. I want a home free from statue that brought me nightmare.
7. I want a new cellphone which my dad buy for me. Not a cheap meal for my good results in major exams.
8. I want people to give me directions when I am lost. Not to make me more confuse.
9. I want them to stop telling me I am responsible for my life. I need guidance, not burden.
10. I want another part time job, which will help me make money so that I can get things that I want.
11. I want to be someone who doesn't need to get a part-time job because my parents refuse to help me out.
12. I want to better manage my finance.
13. I want to feel home when I come home, not a big house with conflicts.
14. I want to babble to my parents about my day, I want them to listen amusingly like they were when I was five.
15. I want parents that don't talk so matter-of-fact-ly.
16. I want to be able to tell my parents my exam dates because I know they will be there to give my all the moral support I need. Not myself making up a mental picture.
17. I want an mp3 which is not a free gift from the insurance company which my parents work for.
18. I want a hug when I am crying. Not "what esle do you want from me?"s.
19. I want dad to say "daddy will be there no matter where u want to go in the future.", not "daddy was too poor to even have the luxury of dreaming, why couldn't you understand."
20. I want parents who would be there whenever I need them to fetch me. Not forget to pick me up after tuition classes.
21. I want a mom who is smart enough to not blame me when there is no fault at all.
22. I want a mom who can take a discussion civilisedly. Not raise her voice and proclaim her misfortune.
23. I want to be not crying right now.
24. I want all these to not happen.
25. I want to turn to Jesus when I am happy. Not when I am broken and in tears. I don't mind turning to Him. But I don't want the heartbreak.


I call Your name, cause it's the sweetest thing I know.


Monday, February 18, 2008


=) hmm...i didn't know where to look...the elevator is full of people and you know, so quiet. I mean, well...people jz don't talk in elevators 'cause everybody will be listening to the conversation. And church people are realllyyyy polite. I guess it is best to make other feel impolite and awkward. I was with him the full 20 seconds, all the way - from the top 5th floor down to the basement. So happened that I was standing near the buttons.

Oow...of course it didn't start like that. I actually prayed for the chance, and it did worked, very well in fact. But I couldn't work out the guts to speak a word. And when Eunice came to drag me away, I just went with her, all the way too, to the opposite site. WHY ON EARTH did I do that for?! Even Pam asked me why didn't I go talk to him.

So i guess that was it. All I did was smile and wave goodbye. Before he got on his car and I got on mine. which was just 3 lots away. Argh. I'm sorry...

-stumbling va-

Monday, February 11, 2008


*screams* Hee...erm... he said it!!! lolz~ I'm just speechless. speechlessly happy. =P


Sunday, February 10, 2008


And so the fire broke out. I made no effort to save it. As long as you stay undisturb. I would rather be distanced than annoying. I like myself better this way. Please understand. Thank you. I miss you too.

Friday, February 8, 2008

My cup overflows.

The Lord is my sheperd,

I shall not be in want,

He makes my lie down in green pastures,

He leads my beside quiet water,

He restores my soul,

He guides me in the path of righteousness,

For His name sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of shadow of death,

I shall fear no evil,

For You are with me,

Your rod and Your staff,

They comfort me.

You prepare a table before me,

In the presence of my enemy,

You anoints my head with oil,

My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me,

All the days of my life.

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.



Psalms 23. I learned this by heart for the last youth camp but kinda forgotten a lil bit of it. But there's no better Psalm that can describe my grateful heart to the Lord. Everything that is said in Psalm 23, He did them all in my life.

He gives me rest, restore my inner being, Amen.


oh crap!

I'm finding some whiny words to say but I can't say "what've I done?!" 'cause that's the problem! I haven't done anything at all!!! stupido. Well, I did had good reasons for that, I mean I can't look too desparate chasing after him, as in "Oh hi, how are you, haven't talk in two weeks, we are perfectly casual about stuff...bla bla bla." see? If he disappear from the vitual world for 3 whole weeks there's nothing much I can do, as in, nothing at all that I can do. Not when he mentioned that he is looking for a part-time job at the mo'.

And who can blame anybody for being independent and stuff, that's some good stuff in guys y'know, and good guys are hard to find, so you can't blame good guys for being good guys. And the most spectacular thing is that he is back! In black! lol* nolerr..not in black, I just said that because it rhymes...well, anyway, he is back. And perfectly charming AND not answering my messages like he used to. Okay, I admit that I had never had whatever they call a woman's instinct so I should totally ignore the fact that his reactions to my courtesy is totally different since the concert, when I was obviously ducking away from him 'cause of my nervous attack. No one can blame me for being trapped in one full stressful week from morn till night and it was my 1st concert ever! And Prince Charming-WITH-GUITAR just showed up...Aww...*meltz* see?

I can't help it kay? But I really really misses in when the quote said "Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about" in facebook, his name totally poofed into my mind...Oh don't complaint! You are reading my journal remember? Now keep that personal already. Great, now che is shooting questions about him...==" grr...

Therefore, I have nothing better to say than, "oh crap" what the heck, I'm gonna have to go on with this whole Chinese New Year thing and then my mock exam and then my finals and probably will be leaving soon. I almost wanted to think that, okay, I'll just let him miss me and be miserable when I'm gone. Except, I don't think he's missing me. So, too bad.

Okay, anyway, if ever he might be reading this, you know who you are. And thanks, you've been great. =) and yes, I do miss you loads. *lala~*


Saturday, February 2, 2008

shopaholic unleashed..lolz

LOL...did I told you guys that my Chinese New Year shopping resolution is to buy enough to wear till cho pat? Don't mind if I make a list again. It's updated one kay? Muahahaa...
1. Adidas navy polo T (Thailand MayGarden)
2. Poor Little Rich Girl T (Dubai - present from Kor)
3. Black Lycra hoodie (Esprit 40% off)
4. Cute khakis shorts (Esprit)
5. Full Print Brown Top (Esprit)
4. Europe Music Award Munich 2007 Limited T- white (Esprit)
6. Billabong denim minis (half price)
7. Billabong blue v-neck tank top (half price)
8. AIG Nike ManU football jersey (mom's present)
9. Striped shorts (Esprit)
10. White button low U neck top (Esprit)
11. 2 white tubes (momoe)
12. Short gray cardigan (MANGO)
13. 2 PJs...(Farlim flea market & Island Glades flea market)
14. White socks (Esprit)
15. Black n White Charlie Chaplin flats - dad calls them that..==" (Vinci)

WOW...summarize that. 9 tops, 3 bottoms, 2 jacket(including cardigan), a pair of socks & flats..oh and 2 Pjs...hmm...I still think I need some jeans...

So...I want...
1. a pair of Levi's.
2. a cheap blouse tht looks formal yet chick.
3. socks for my flats.
4. sandals?

Okay...i better don't greed after them so much. I think I should start saving for my next shopping spree if I keep on spending like this...T-T makes me happy. just so you'd know. LOL



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