Friday, December 19, 2008

Meet the real people

Hello, nice to meet you, I am a genuine version of Leong Eva, I swear (it's just an expression, swearing is NOT polite at all) to tell the truth, only the truth, nothing but the truth.

Anyway, nice to meet you. You know, real people are actually kind of hard to find today. Real, meaning people who don't scheme, spy on you and you know be just plain fake around you. Since I am not old enough to be in the history, and obviously not fortunate enough in meeting people, I don't think I know more than a handful of real people with a TradeMark branding or a Copyright branding that comes along with them. The rest from the handful are as good as the things you have in your house with a tag of "made in China" things, which generally mean the chance of them being a fabricated good is around 80 - 90 %.

Well, let me introduce you to the first guy, I think most people will recognise if I would only describe, he is usually painted on stained glass windows in chapels, wears a pair of sandal and comes with long hair and a well-groomed beard. None other than Mr. Jesus Christ. We will skip the arguement of people who thinks he does not exist and go on with him being a living person with a genuine personality. I would say he is a genuine person mainly because we do not see people who come to you and skip saying "nice meeting you" and exchange it with "Do not be fearful." Certainly he is straight forward enough. Plus, Jesus didn't go like, "Um Peter, you know, you said that I shouldn't wash your feet. Um, I think um, you know, I should, but anyway, you know I love you right. But I think the good old Devil is just trying, of course I'm not blaming you..." Jesus is my personal idol the moment he shot "Devil, get thee behind me." How cool is that. I mean, if I ever say that with a serious face when somebody is blocking my way to church, they would think I'm a moron and beat me up. I like the way he deal with things, with a clean take it or leave it way. Now that is what I call, "with love, from Jesus."

The next one, I would like to give the honour of accepting this real person reward is none other than Mr. Alex Lim. Alex, if you are reading this, seriously, do not syok sendiri. Haha. 70% of the people I know thinks he's a freak, another 20% thinks he is gay and I think he is a genius and a darn good friend to keep for life. If you know this guy, you'll know that it is impossible for a person to fake what he does, simply because, one, he yells at people quoting from Shakespeare, two, he bakes apple crumble in class with his own oven because it helps him to deal with stress, and he keeps the rubber bands that he used to tie up the plastic bags because he happens to be a tree hugger. And he doesnt date simply because he hasn't meet that someone special. He holds the best example of someone who thinks so why should I care about what people say about me, I am the real thing, babe. Way to go, Alex. You rock my socks.

Francis probably qualify too. His ways can be totally unacceptable at times but the one thing I can be sure is that nobody can force him to fake anything without his consent. I know this fella since I am five and I do not think he has in anyway schemed, gossiped or act unlike himself in front of anyone or in any circumstances. So he hates almost half the things that people agree with, big deal, that's who he is. Even though sometimes it seems totally unreasonable, that's the thing about people who are real, they might change their view one day, but until they do, they would just keep it that way. It is really cool having a friend like that. And I plan to keep it that way too, if you don't mind.

For those who did not make it to the chart, being real ain't easy, you can choose to do it, try doing it or not bother at all. And I am sure you do rock somebody's world, being whatever you are now, REAL-ly.


with love,
Eva

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Eva's guide to Friendship

Ello all, I've been hiding from blogging since my DAD went online and read my blog and gave me a lecture about it. Anyhow, my blogging cells are bubbling up so here's something for you reader. First of all, this is supposed to be an open journal of mine. By "journal" I mean diary, as in PERSONAL diary. It is written to express myself simply because I am a super genius and things that runs in my head can kill me if I don't output it right. And don't judge me on stuff I write or say or post, because, YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE READING THIS ANYWAY, BUSYBODIES.

See? Get what I mean when I say things in my brain can kill me. Healthy output blogging is.
..........................................................................................................................................

Tadaa. After my fair share of bad friendship with people with personality that would stink the whole Penang Island if personality have a smell, I decided to write this blog. It is neither scientifically proved, advised by professionals, shown in certified reports nor biblical. Follow it if you want but I am not responsible for the outcome and you may clap, scream, yell, laugh, curse happily if you think any of these hit the spot. Thank you.

Tips on people stuff.

#1
Acknowledge that you do not need friends, and you are comfortable being alone and most importantly, being yourself. Life is beautiful as it is and friends (good ones) only here to compliment it. You will not die or in anyway suffer misery if you are lack of them.

#2
Make more acquaintances as friends comes from acquaintances. Knowing more people means you have more prospects for friends. Give yourself time to know them and stop at the level of acquaintance if you ever find them as unsuitable friends material.

#3
Don't ever assume people are faking it around you. Yes people do that sometimes but can't you just think the best of people around you?! Anyway, only people who fakes it often will ALWAYS think other people are faking it also. So when you ask someone how is he/she doing, take his/her answer as it is and swallow down your inner cry of wanting to say "don't fake it darling." Lol, because, come on, you are the one with the problem.

#4
Accept compliments gracefully, if your parents had been incapable of teaching you how to thank people when people praise you OR you have been temporary deaf when you parents did, let me have the honour of reminding you to say a hearty thank you when people say nice things about you. By "hearty", it means say it with your heart, not saying thank you and having an inner war of how to accept it.

#5
Say sorry ONLY WHEN YOU MEAN IT. And its best that situations when apologies is need to be avoid. NOT generated. And sorry means you sincerely feel inapropriate to have did that something and you admit that it is wrongfully done even if it is for a better cause, emphasizing on the wrongfully done part. NOT the "I said it out of love part." It suck to the max when you say you did it out of love and all other people see if disrespect.

um this is supposed to be longer but most my blog posts doesn't really turn out 100% the way I want them to anyway. I find better pleasure in chatting with my sis now, so more later, if I still feel like it. Ciao ciao, nosy peekers.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

All in all

Wonders isn't it. It must have been months since I really wanted to leave. Why do I wanted to leave anyway? I don't think anyone would wanna leave if it would involve some slamming doors, angry faces and a couple of months full of stress and complaints. So I don't really like the people around me. So I want to leave this mess once in a while.



What makes anyone think reminding you of what your life away from home is gonna be like is gonna help to cushion the punch? And your responsibilities and every history of bad clashes resulting from your different personality from your sister who is gonna be your room mate for the next three years. Yes, I have my fears, and nothing is making anything better. So I am trying to cope with leaving, my friends, my home, my family, the neighbourhood that I hardly know anyone, and the college that I hated and complained about every freakin' bad day. But how could anyone think it's not hard on me.



Scary isn't it, to even think that your friends are gonna move on with or without you, probably some other girl who are not even similar to you is gonna take your place,wherever you have been. So it doesn't last. Big deal, but why would anyone think it would make it any easier on me.



So I wanna take a month break from my job, from pleasing my parents, from whatever mess I've been through. Yes I'm leaving, I'm leaving, I'm leaving it's true. It has happened before, nobody notice then, and probably nobody will notice this time too. Yes, it involves some tears, some yelling screaming, some lonely times. Nothing has made me think that this time is not gonna be the same.



Please please give me a break. I just need to make through my day.



-away-

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Pulling a half all-nighter

Aikes...even though I'm taking a one-month break from my job in December, I still feel so guilty 'cause I couldn't wake up just now until my parents have to leave me at home and let me sleep in. Ish...haha.. *guilt eats up Eva* ahhh~~

Spent the whole night making the gigantaur dice for Live Size Snake & Ladder this Sunday. Anyway this is the fruit that I spent the whole night doing, but still not all done yet..probably gonna continue later tonight. I should really stop staying up late..abo then I fail my medical check-up then will have to bid farewell to my further education liao. T-T wuah...seriously.

Oh yea. My room looked like crap so I cropped off parts of the pictures that might ruin my reputation. HAHA. Anyway..pictures!!!

Leftover low cost materials.
The box was so darn *&^%&#@ ugly so I had to paint it white.
Trying my best to protect my parquet floor...
Half done results. Nice leh...can imagine the ending results liao leh..
Sambil make dice, sambil chatting... Haha... qualified multitasker. *applause*
*drumrolls*



TADAA~ Nicelerh. Yes, I am a supergenius. [Insert evil laughter here.]

-Eva-

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Eva *hearts* Joshua

Yes. Eva is no more single and available. Haha~ meet my boyfriend!!! Joshua Chan has officially stolen my heart. He is FIVE years old and AGE IS JUST A NUMBER.



Guess what Joshua was on the news, which I found the online version as well. It's no big news but he's the little guy sitting on his daddy's lap in the 2nd photo on the right column. With grandpa Chan and my brothers-in-law.

Joshua on news

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Eva: Joshua, I want to go home already. Bye bye.

*Joshua pecks Eva on the cheek*

*Eva hugs Joshua*

Joshua: kiss me lah~!

*Eva pecks Joshua on the cheek*

...10 minutes later...

Joshua: Daddy~!!! Eva kissed me!

Hahahaha *pengsan*

Joshua: Bye bye Eva!!!

Eva: Bye bye Joshua!!!

1, 2, 3!

*Kiss*

*Blow*

*Catch*

*Keeps in the pocket*



~Eva~

Isaiah 40:31


They who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.


They will soar on the wings as eagles;


they shall run and not be weary,


they shall walk and not faint.


Teach me, Lord.


Teach me, Lord...to wait.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Yes, things changed.

Wow...it seems like it had been quite a while since I am stuck in this kind of mood, you know, the weird drunken mode when I write stuff that me myself barely understand. Okay, it's a lie, I understand everything I write quite well. Haha..it's just that it sound much better to say that I don't.

Yep, big deal. Things changed. I haven't been saying good morning to the guy that lives near the highway. I guess it was just awkward, you know, it's just like you have been stuck in that same situation with that same guy then you both decided, yea, maybe we should just give it a try. AND, nope, it didn't happen. It's obvious and um, it's just so clear. Like in movies, when the one of the character will says, "We both know it's not working.." and means it.

Then there is the thing about me leaving soon. No more big beautiful house, no more blogging midnight looking at the bridge or the big old tree outside, no more driving home alone in my gorgeous '97 Audi in the highway, no more beach parties with the crazy guys. And hello to another romantic scenery in my life. I guess writing makes all the things around us romantic. Like where I will be going. The place itself is romantic even without the writing, it's just that it fits very well to the plot of my life time story in this blog. That is if you have been following it since day one.

There will be trees, a gorgeous english house, a glass patio, a garden, a university, a place with autumn and winter with snow, a cozy room, some books, a few nights when I will be pulling all-nighter studying hard, a long walk to school... you know. And why wouldn't I be happy. Everything's well planned.

Yea, I should be happy, shouldn't I?

I guess it's just me who is struggling with that question.



-Eva-

Monday, November 3, 2008

Seek First -A love letter.

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
-Matthew 6:33

What a verse to live by, look at how wonderfully it was written. All things shall be added... God's way is just so simple. Seek Him first, says He. As long as we dwell in His presence, love Him, follow and obey Him. Submit to Him as a living sacrifice, all the things of our desires will be added to us. Added. ADDED. It means there is more! Added to you, as long as you seek Him first, He will grant you blessings and anointing PLUS the desires of you heart!

How wonderfully written. And why not? Why shouldn't we seek Him? There's no reasons valid for that! He is the Saviour, MY PERSONAL Saviour. It means if it is ONLY ME who needs salvation, He would come for me the same way too. Just as glorious, making just as big the sacrifice. You saved my life, took away my sins and shame and all the pain. You have overcome all these mess that I should be in. You have seen me through all my days. Everyday. How could I not love You and adore You. There is no words to compare to what has been done and You love for me. I love and love and love You. And it is the least I can do, to live my life for You.



-Eva, life, You gave me Life.-

Friday, October 17, 2008

Lifesong

When he sings "Let my lifesong sings to You." I thought about my lifesong. Under such circumstances...

It would be a war-cry.
It would be a heartiful yell of a soldier before war.
It would bring tear and strength in the same time.
It would be like tearing apart and rebuilding at once.
It would be a yelp with such unknown painful joy.
It would be like a desparation.
It would call upon help.
It would summon thunders and rain.
It would shower the dried soil with fresh stream water.
It would flow into the hearts of others.
It would awake the spirit of a church.
It would release warriors and angelic hosts.
It would be a prayer without words.
It would be a child's cry for the Father.
It would be a lover's call to the Other.
It would be an embrace forever remembered.
It would bring me and You closer.
It is something that I want to do.

Let my lifesong sings to You.



With love,
Eva

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I have decided to write about God

I have decided to write about God. Because there is nothing in the world worth writing anymore. People who disappoints and things that doesn't work out the way they should. Finally coming back into realising that only God surpasses all understanding. That He is ever there, ever present. And He is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Not one less or not one less important than another. I believe everything that You say. Everything in the Bible. I place my trust in God alone. For people fail, I fail but God will never fail.

I have decided to write about God. Because I am weak, helpless and lost. No one can lead me through this twirl but God. It is amazing to realise once again that life is not in control, not in my control, that plan changes, dreams evolves, fear creeps in, people leave, situations break down. And we human can only do so much. I place my trust in God alone. For He gives me peace.

I have decided to write about God. Even though no one sees or hear. Because His presence is very much real. That nothing can snatch those memories away from me. That touch, the tears, the burning fire, and our intimate encounter. The laughters and joy that He brought into my life. I would have never know, feel, see or hear so wonderful things if He had not came into my life. Ignorance is not bliss. Knowing Jesus is bliss.

I have decided to write about God. Because even if He decided to stop His blessing, He has blessed me more than I deserve. If ever He calls, I will answer to it, because I cannot say no to the one who saved my life, my lover, brother, father, master and friend. That my life is His, I would sing, dance, shout for joy, talk, walk and live for Him alone. And He said, nothing can snatch you out of my hands.

I have decided to write about God, follow Him, love Him, trust Him all the days of my life.




-Eva-

Monday, October 6, 2008

Days of rain and tears.

So I was sad. Because revival is coming. And revival is like war, with waves of bombardment, strategies, sacrifices, spies and hidden enemies, criticsm, unknown emotional outrages, physical, emotional and spiritual attacks. Just like those hawks in the war would do whatever they have to to get the things that they want. Things are happening around here. And when they do, we get caught by surprise.

Of course we were like those rookie soldiers when it started, crying for blood and yelling for land, we're gonna crush those like maggots, they have no idea who they're up against. I was pointing fingers and laughing at those who are to oppose us. It was great, tasting the first fruit of victory, those mud, sand, rain and the split blood of the enemies on our beaten bodies. There's no denying that we had some bad wounds from that, but nothing major.

Then like those nasty parts in war movies, it hit me. Storms and thunders, they came like waves of bombardment in Vietnam, nasty, real nasty. And the terrible part about it is that it is nothing too physical. It's like they're trying to play some sneaky mind games with us. Who's the bad guy, when's the next attack, some real bad insults, some real bad temptations, a few slaps in the face, some more naming and shaming, trying to break the troops, you know, nothing that they're never tried before. Old tricks worked just fine for them.

The grief was bad. I didn't even know why I'm crying. Bad sobs, like those people who choke when they cry. Tears just couldn't stop. Images flashes in your eyes. Sometimes good ones, some times it's just plain raw fear. Good ones when I thought of the victorious war, the glory that went to the country, when we can call up the rain and the sunshine, when He brought us through, He keep reminding me how great He has been to me. How much has been invested into my life that now we can be warriors, so proud and standing upright with good ammu and guns and bombs. When He put those stripes on our sleeves and the solluting with some awesome army coolness. The bad when the fear creeps in. Those lil' things out there are still trying to hit us. We have to be so cautious and keep our sore eyes open wide. We don't know who's the next one on their list. Who is the next one they're gonna use against us. Who are they trying to send away. Which one is the next to be forced away and be lost.

Then it came the big one. I might be the next one. I don't even know what make me think that way. It's not like anything you can see or hear or anything physical. It's plain raw fear. And the grief. The sore heart and beaten spirit suddenly become so heavy like we've been in war for years but it's just not ending. Those heavy load are the same but it seems like it's getting heavier. I would just cry, not knowing what I'm crying for. It's worse than normal sadness. That's why they call it depression. Grief, nothing more. You don't know what cause it. It's just tears.

It's like the rain, dark skies grey. We don't know where it comes from, or when will it end, sometimes it goes on for so long we even forgot when did it start. And we get so numb that we don't know anything about it but it just sad to see it rain. And I was just about to be drowned by the grief and the rain.




Then I see the rainbow, and I'm ready for war again.


-Eva-

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Be strong

It was a typical expected good day. We were going into a big factory for some big business. This time, my friends were coming with me, my brother and my twin. It was like I say an expected good day. What could be better than 3 Christians working hand in hand, praising and encouraging each other every minute of the day?

It went uphill, good business, happy fellowship, lots of good Christian songs, more testimonies and people showing open doors to the gospel. Then it got better, great prayer time spent with God, getting a real fully paid salary and a nice dinner for the 2 darlings. Then it's caregroup time at night. One great ending that we share with our fellow members and encourage their growth. Then it was head home and rest for the next big day.

And the Devil has something instored. There's no way he could miss a big fall. Plans and schemes, so finely drafted, almost seamless. The moment the car was stagnent, the door locked, the handphone showed 7 miscalls by "Mom". This could be bad, but considering how great a day it was, no big stuff was expected. Non-heavy duty-hardcore weapon was estimated. Of course, the Devil saw that coming.

The news was not even anything directly affecting me, or my family, one 16 year old teen girl was killed in a gone-bad kidnap case. Mom was nervous so she made the call to check. I was sure those seven phone calls was made when I was driving home from church to Pam's and Pam's to home. It could hardly be 20 minutes. But dad was the one who was dead mad. It gave me a hard time that it has to be this to welcome me home.

But mom was not so happy either, the same thing that has prompted her to my persecution, it was doing it again. She did not know how to describe it, all she could say is abnormal and obsessed. She knew not how to explain it, she only looked disturbed. I am confident, whatever was disturbing her, it was not from God. Even as a request, her tone and her presentation of her request was not at all friendly, but very much hurting. As if she would rather not look at me, as if putting me at fault.

A friend told me, the company that my parents are working for, it was likely to face a close down. I felt weak. All these that I am having now, might be gone. Every single one. I am only certain that God will not be.

I realize no matter how great a day can turn out to be, this is still one of the best days in my life, because I lived it knowing God is with me, knowing the word and not the world. Seeking Him and none other than Him. But the Devil will always find a way. digging up things that will break your spirit.

One thing I find today, is that when God awakes my spirit, things become obvious. The guy down there become furious. They have a battle in ways that we cannot see, just like how Job landed in a battlefield, I walked into a battlefield, I might not see the full picture of the battle but I want to arm myself the best I can. Because I know it's either the Devil or God. I have to make a choice.

I admit that I am weak and I am not able, that I cannot do anything to change the things happening around me. But it is by God, and everytime I pray, it moves the hand of God, my prayer do the things my hands cannot do. He moves in a way I cannot see. He will make a way for me, He will make a way.




with faith,
Eva

Sunday, September 14, 2008

My life for You

I am so glad that you found me, that my life is not lost, not in the world, not wandering. I don't really know what to say now, because what is in my mind is only to live my life for you. I know how people see us as impossible people, some thinks we are hypocrites, like those pharisees. But I don't want to judge people. Please help me to not judge people, because I don't have the right to do so. Help me to be humble and take away my "Holier than thou" attitude.

My life is for you, every moment, every breathe and every word. So please help me to do it right, just as you had. I trust that you have picked us to be different, I don't care if this difference is gonna drive the world to hate me. I would rather starve on the roadside and be a beggar than to live in the world that does not please you. Jabez prayed it, and I want to say the same thing too, I want blessings, please enlarge my territory, put your hands upon me and keep me away from the evil ones that they may not grieve me. And I would wrestle with you if I have to, even if it means giving up my physical things, to be lame after the battle like Jacob, I cannot live without you. I won't let you go, so please please keep me with you. The world is too much for me to bear it alone.

Only you, only you had done it and know the way, you are the way, your are the truth, and the life, you are my life. I am sorry that I have grieved you so many times. I am so sorry that I would even dare to feel far away from you when tempted. The truth is you are never far away, even before I pray, you know the desires of my heart. You see and hear and know me better than I know myself. As I grieved for my past, I know you grieve more. When I cry to you, I know you cried more. When I sacrifice to you, you sacrificed more. I would never ever find a man like you.

Help me to do so, as I pray I say I am not ready for any man, until I am ready for you. Because you are my man. I know you personally, and you understand me completely. I want to be with you, and until you would put him in my life, my left ring finger is for your ring. Keep me with you.

Keep me with you. I trust and I trust you.

Monday, September 1, 2008

A step refreshed

我们在天上的父,
愿人都尊你的名为上,
愿你的国度降临,
愿你的旨意行在地上,
如同行在天上,
我们日用的饮食,今日赐给我们。
免我们的债,
如同我们免了人的债。
不叫我们遇见试探;
救我们脱离凶恶。
因为国度,权柄,荣耀, 全是你的,
直到永远。阿们。

I would like to start this post with the Lord's Prayer. After such a long time not being here. To make a new beginning from the inside out. Inviting God to come in this place while other new post are going to be written. Realising that I cannot survive without the food for my spirit. How hungry and thristy. Helpless and weak. So to ask for the Holy Spirit to come and fill me again. And this time, hopefully, you too.



Eva

Thursday, August 14, 2008

the rest of my life

It's confusing isn't it? This life, I mean. You love something so much one minute and you are so darn freaking annoyed by it the next. As if there is not enough stuff to confuse me, it just has to complicate itself by giving everything a good side and a bad side. Come on, how am I supposed to make decisions while bla bla bla can be good and bad in the same time and right and wrong at the same time. Then there are those philosophers. They woud ask you "What colour is this?", you say "White," and they say "What makes you think it is white?", you answer "I don't know, why don't cha try asking the other 50 millions people out there who are not colour blind?" Then they'll ignore your joke and say, "If everyone say it's black, then won't it be black then?". AHhh...That's a trick question. HA! I get it...I get it.

I'm babbling. 'Cause I'm insane. I said till further notice see? HAHA!!! No further notice YET!!! TEEHEE~



-coke addict-

Friday, August 1, 2008

Sleepyhead's Blissful Sleep

I went to church for a healing rally yesterday, after a long day at work, not to mention a sleepy one too. Fu could scarcely keep me awake by reminding me about...you know, my crush. And I could barely stay awake. The service was okay, by God's strength and anointing, the pastor spoke with might and his words was strong and loud. Amazing speaker, how can anyone possibly fall asleep in the presence of such a high-spirited speaker and in the sweet presence of the Holy Spirit.

Opps, I take back the last part, I mean, of course people can sleep in the sweet presence of the Holy Spirit. He followed me home and dwell near me while I routinely go online and chatted with some friends. When I became tired I went to the bed, still in my working clothes, I fell asleep. Mom came to switch of the lights, I opened my eyes to look at her but I just couldn't summon my body to sit up and go get cleaned up and all. The sleep just wash me over. Blissfulness, like squashy blankets and fluffy pillows, like songs of nymphs and sirens. Heavenly heavenly bliss.

I woke up at six in the morning, after my little nap and I drag myself to the bathroom, washed my face, the water felt fresh against the grease and sweat that covered me for such long hours. I showered in cold water, without turning the heater on. It was like the fresh streams from the waterfall, truly revitalising every part where the water sweep through. I saw mom who just woke up when I walked to my room, she almost wanted to give me a lecturer over my unhealthy habits but I just smiled blissfully at her.

After putting on some fresh clean clothes, I snuggle back into my still warm bed, between the soft sheets and all fluffy things, and sink into another blissful sleep. Till the sun shined in and I decided it is going to be a beautiful day.




-sleepyhead-

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Notice



There is a fine line between insanity and intelligence above others. I have decided to go look for a short cut there. Eva will not be sane for the next few days. Brain closed till further notice.


-WHERE'S MY COKE?!-

Monday, July 28, 2008

How do you like me now?

I am nuts. If you guys haven't notice it by now, you are probably as dumb as a rock. Someone commented about Jessica Simpson, "Who cares if you are a dumb as a stone if u have those breasts." Indeed. But you don't. So you are probably as dumb as a rock and people should point and laugh at you.

HAHA!!!!!!!



-freak-

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Isn't it true?

Isn't it true, that we came into this world alone and we are to walk alone and to finish it alone? After all, from whatever I've been through in these 19 long years, I have been alone anyway. No matter how many people would say "I've got your back." None of them have me all the time. No matter how sincere people are when they promise they would do their best to sustain a relationship, it never lasts. People still come and go. They still get new best buddies and treat you like any other normal acquaintances in the end.

Amazing isn't it, when we fall, we have to stand up by ourselves. No doubt there might be some good Samaritans who decide to give you a hand, the main strength that heave us up is still our own. No matter how many friends you have around you, it is still you who define your existence. Even though there must be thousands of great scientist running around, no one could ever understand your mind, thoughts and perspective so completely. However lost we might feel, the people around us are more confused about ourselves. Choices are made by the self, maybe encouraged by the others, but there is no one else to blame when mistakes happen, or when regret comes into view. Isn't it so? That we are alone anyway.

What happens when faith collides with your better sense of judgement? Is this a chance of breaking free or another temptation that is set up to trap the lost? Who would speak forth and take over the wheels and turn it around? Are we not alone?! Are we not alone! Are we not meant to be alone?!

Speak to me in the light of the dawn, mercy comes with the morning. I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me!



-soldier between two wars-

Monday, July 21, 2008

I will walk on water.


Listen to the song playing with this blog. I... will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall. Haven't I be just as lost? How long have I been in the storm, overwhelmed by the ocean and waves crashing over my head? He sings, if I could just see you, everything will be alright. I am lost, confused and very much overwhelmed. Silenced by the noise around me. He hath not bring me out to drown but still I feel like I am ten feet under and upside down. When barely surviving becomes a purpose, I know things might not go right.

What a peculiar line that follows. I will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall. I wonder if I would walk on water, have I have the faith of Peter to walk on the lake heading to Jesus? And if I do, will I fall? How could this be? That I am so unsure about myself, he sings "You will catch me if I fall..." how could this be? I am sure You will. The only thing I am so sure. You have did that a thousand times. No matter how deep how messy, you will catch me if I fall.

You have been with me every step of my life. Though I may not know of your presence. Side by side you have walked me through. If I could just see you, everything will be alright. I will get lost in your eyes and know everything will be alright. A love so different from others, so much plainer yet deep. If I could just see you... this darkness will turn to light.

I will walk on water, you will catch me if I fall. We will walk on together.



-water walker-

Saturday, July 19, 2008

live green

1. Don't drive over 60km/h, it saves fuel and your money too.

2. Go dig in your closet, someone's trash maybe other's treasure. Maybe you'll find some old treasure yourself.

3. Switch to everything e, emails, e-shopping, e-newspaper, e-banking. Save paper. Save the world.

4. Start recycling cans and bottles, metal are getting expensive, maybe you can make an extra dime from it.

5. Kill the plastic bags. Bring a big spacey hand bag and throw a chick shopping bag in your car.

6. Go vegetarian, eat food from lower food chain. It saves the resources and some fat on your thigh, belly and butt.

7. Keep the old paper bags. Whatever they are for.

8. Don't make up if you don't have to, it's a waste of time, resource, water, tissue and it ruins your skin which leads you to using more make-ups and more waste. Trust me, nobody will look pretty when earth is simply ugly.

9. Trust in God, He puts you in position to take care of his creations. Exercise your authorities now.

10. Read my blog, it's more interesting than crappy magazines and save paper.

11. Forget to bring tissue out once in a while, you might not need them anyway.

12. Scoff at people who are killing the environment, they might be ashamed for once.

13. Skip the receipt, you're just gonna throw it away anyway.

14. Hug a tree, just because you can.

15. Don't wrap your books with plastic sheets, they are bound to get yellowish and fall apart anyway. Just do your part to keep it clean.

16. Recycle those batteries, old computers and electronics. It matters.

17. Plant a tree, or a plant. Put it in your toilet, mine cheers me up in the morning.

18. Turn down that air-con, it's about time we acknowledge that we live in a tropical country and no air-cons can cool this place down.

19. Make your home comfy, so you won't have a reason to go all the way out for a good environment and use up some fuel and cough up for pricey coffee.

20. Rewear your pajamas. They are clean.




-tree-hugger-

an artist

I want to be an artist. One who writes, sings, dances, paints, acts, sketches, recites, makes music, reads and one whom art appreciates. Yes, an artist whom art itself appreciates. It must have been the songs and movies and blogs and books. I am a vessel, half empty and half full. Half fool and half wise. Half fact and half fiction. Found but partially lost. Bright at times but invisible too. Hallusinative. I think I am a song, a movie and a book too.

A tear, a smile, a cry and laughter, tell me, what are you?



-nobody-

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Davidsons

Dearest readers, so sorry for not updating this blog. It must be real bad to let you guys see the same page every time you click on this link. Well, I've been kind of busy. Since now I have to work 9-6 everyday - well, almost, and still hanging strong to my usual activities. Then, of course, Aunty Phaik came to visit, 10 days...it's one of her shortest trip back here. I'm missing my cousins so badly now...

It was really nice and warm and enjoyable and homey to have the house crowded with people, plus a baby running around shouting "BON!" at every Chinese he sees. I'm so in love with these guys that I have to dedicate this post to writing about my relatives.

We have been having meals together and spending so much time together that the house seems so empty. I just love having them around. I miss the noise, the shopping, staying up till late at night, watching loads of good movies, laughing our heads off, chatting in the kitchen, eating non-stop, dancing like crazy people with Emily, talking about movies, wars, guns and stuff with Shauny and bargaining like a tigeress scaring everybody. AND flying the young and crazy around in mummy's RAV.

Aunty Phaik Ying is so sweet and nice that I don't really mind sacrificing my room for them and we're not really so uneasy around Uncle Mark now that we have all grown up and have less problems forming a proper English sentence. Seeing them almost felt like taking English exams when we were small. It was great fun having Emily around, we get to shop almost everyday and I get off days to go out with Aunty and family. It's so different from the last time they came back. Shaun definitely had grown quite a bit. And I just have to admit that he has good taste on movies! I really enjoyed his company for the whole 10 days. Andrew was a darling. Still as adorable when we first met, such a sweet smile he has. Ethan is a really cool baby. Even though he called me Bon for the first 9 days. Can't help missing him 'cause he called me "VA!" before we left for the airport.

It was really funny because by the end of the holiday everybody just can't stand Ethan calling everyone "BON", Bonnie, Gemmie and Shaun just grabbed hold of the baby and start pointing and me and keep telling Ethan "say Va" "baby, say Va." "Va.." "Va." Just when Shaun finally gave in and baby start walking off, baby mumbled..."Va." *ROAR OF LAUGHTER*. What a cool baby.

I love you guys. Oh man. Missing my cousies so badly... Wuah~~~



-"VA!"-

Friday, July 4, 2008

Regrets

Thanks for all your comments, all my dearest readers. It's wonderful to know that people actually click into my life, part of my hidden life, one that most of my family and closest friends don't click into. Regrets, i read it from the last comment. Anonymous said he/she has some regrets. I have too.

Just about a couple of hours ago, I bought this green long sleeves knitted top off the internet, it's my first internet purchase, and man I am so glad. A nice nice nice top. It went out of stock once and almost killed me. Right after I made my payment I saw the red one, same top, and it's oh-SO-NICE too. Then I start thinking would I look better in green or red and I just couldn't push myself to make the choice. Red is gonna look so fresh and young and all those. Then again, if the shirt is not of good quality red will make it look cheap and make me look fat. The things just keep popping in my head like soft-lived soap bubbles.

I still insist it is not a regret, I convinced myself I made a right choice simply because I paid for it and there's nothing I can do to change it. It's not a one timer in my life to have moments like this, for instance, I bought this nice ring from the flea market and saw another nicer one when I turned a corner, I ordered some ordinary drink and my fren sat down after me and ordered a really chic and tasty one. I'm a typical undecisive person and it drives me crazy, this junction to turn or the next, this safe looking black top or that hot risky sleeveless. The truth is, I have no idea what I want! Dad asked me if I want those Maybellin New York Eye Shadow and I said NO! What am I? He's my dad and I'm too shy to say yes?!

Regrets can flood and consume a person if only you allow it. That the power of the freedom of choice. Yes I did loads of stupid stuff today, if I am to count them one by one I think I would go nuts by the next hour, I bet there must be tonnes of people doing the same thing, beating himself up for missing the chance of asking his dreamgirl out or sulking because she missed the last sales in the mall. Man. Regrets, no matter small or big they just seem to be capable of swallowing us whole. I hate the fact that my grandma died without knowing Christ and how I missed out so many good meetings and services in church when other people are there to tap into the blessings.

All I know is what has been done is done. When we are to give an account of our actions, the stupid senseless stuffs we did have to be explained, no matter how much I regretted it. All I can do now is just minimize the stupid things in my list. I have to move on, the world won't stop and wait because Eva is regretting choosing green over red. God didn't strike down sinners in our time, He has the grace to let them live and turn back to Christ. He would have flood the earth, kill the first born and rain burning sulfur balls if we were in the older days. He has the grace for all my stupid actions as long as I ask for His mercy and repent. He is doing the same for everyone. Regretting something is as if you are telling God my standards are higher than Yours, even though you forgive me, my standards don't allow me to forgive myself.

NO! It doesn't work that way, when God say let go, we let go. The voice that tells you to hang on to the past is false. Let go, Jesus said "It is done." So it is. Let go. You are free to live your tomorrows.



-Refuge of war-

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

The truth about living.

I sat in the hospital ward, looking at the things around me, the smell of medicines and chemicals makes my stomach surged in disagreement with its surrounding. I stole a feel looks at him and tried to think of something to say, a topic to converse. He looked grumpy, now more then seventy years old, all he intended was a check-up and they detained him in this foul place for two long days. The bed was too small and too high, old and soft that he said he slump into it. His bloated tummy and weak legs didn't help in this case.

He looked at the old ladies in the opposite ward, they are older than him, so old that they sat in wheel chairs and have problems raising spoons to their mouth. Then he said to me, "It's no good for a man to live that long you know, there are just more troubles," I did not know what to say, mum just told me that the doctor said he have a couple of dark spots in his liver yesterday but forbid me to tell him because he might not be able to accept it in these circumstances. "Look that those old ladies their, they can barely walk, I don't think I wanna suffer like that." I just told him in my mother tongue, "Grandpa, don't think so much, you're just here for a check-up. We just want some assurance that you are fine. That's all. I'm sure you are."

He was discharged the next day, but all of us can see that he detests all the things in the hospital, maybe even himself. Seeing him hating the fact that he is old and sick. I didn't even notice that he had one part of his middle finger cut away, Yvonne said it was an accident when he was a carpenter long time ago. His right foot was swollen the last time I saw him at home. He is much slower now, his temper better than when he was young but not at all good. I didn't get to send him home, mum sent me to the office to sort out some paper works after we had lunch the day he was discharged.

That's my grandfather. He attempted to take his own life yesterday, not wanting to live another moment suffering. He is not the young hot-blooded man anymore, mum said he's afraid of suffering. He took all the medicine that the doctor prescribe for two weeks in one night. They sent him to the hospital after that. He is alright, the doctor said that those medicine are mainly painkillers. They made him drowsy, he could not even walk on the way home.

He does not know the truth. What's the truth about living anyway? We live, the moment when we're alive we cries our heart out, we must have known we're in for some pretty bad falls, sickness, pain, heartache, heartbreaks, some failure, a lot of fear and some abandons by the people we love. Those who realize it, we live, those who did not died, those are the babies who doesn't cry at the moment of birth. We all have our fair share of those that we don't want. Some face it with a brave spirit, some simply ignore them, some go in fear and struggle, others, in peace.

Who are we to decide in what way we are gonna face it. After all, we are just human. Weak and mild, fearful and cowardly, impulsive and agressive, helpless and lost. Who are we to decide what courage we can muster, what faith we can live on. I asked for peace, God gave me love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. I am weak but I have a shelter like no other. Everyday I would look out my window, see the world outside of me. They who don't have God, live in fear, confusion, troubled by their past, troubled by their lack of self control, regret in their lack of kindness to others only when they need kindness, hunger for gentleness in a situation of hostility. What they look for, they could not find.

My God, is big, so good, and mighty. But in these moments I can just sob to Him. "God, have mercy on them! Bring them life, don't You see that they are suffering without You. Everyday of their life, every step of their way, they take it in confusion. Father, have mercy on them." He said, "They have to ask. For Me."



-a sobbing servant-

Sunday, June 29, 2008

heartbeat

How long has it been since I was mesmerize by the dimmed light through the curtains? How long have I missed you and find that you are gone? I fumbled when you are not around, stumble and fall, stutter when people swam around me. You are there and I am here, nothing speaks as clearly as the distance itself. I wondered where would you be, not realizing that you live in my heart, complementing my each breath. I thought we are so far apart that I would not feel the mild scent of your presence. How would I know, that your reflection, it projects on me. All I have to do is just turn back and I will see you again.

Maybe we should just let the past be the past. The past! We can't ever go back again. So helpless, so helpless, I cannot go back in time to fall in love with you once again. Troubled, just like the white clouds are messing with my blue sky. If we are not meant for each other, to depend on together forever, to walk every path and share each steps of life, I pray for at least, the courage to miss those moments and the right to embrace you again, just to make you understand the remaining marks of my heartbeats. My heartbeats on you.

How I often wish to see you again, that I even tried to ask around about how you've been, where'd you go. How am I to know that you live in me, protecting my memories.


-whitegirl-

Friday, June 20, 2008

找个人谈恋爱吧!Go go, lovers!

开心!是非常开心。我的暑假好漫长喔~ 还没开始我已经在担心会太无聊,所以索性找了份工作,当当妈妈的得力助手。哈哈~ 不错的头衔,百万保险代理员的助手。多亏老板娘的厚待,我的工资是个漂亮的一千元,既是差不多新台币一万元。对于一个还未上大学,游手好闲的我,真的还一点也不差。

车子是有啦,一辆惹火的 AUDI A4;青春是有啦,最后的 Teenage。一个人走在大街上,信心是一点也不比人家少。好漫长的假期呀~!找个人恋爱吧!找个爱我的,讨我开心的,可爱的人, 恋爱吧!他会让我靠着他的肩膀看电影,让我跟他抢着吃泡面,打篮球时欺负我,开车时有点酷酷的,跟我在一起时却是可爱的。哇,好漂亮的画面啊~

好男人死光光啦~ 哈哈~ 在想象之外的世界哪儿找啊~ 不纳闷,我却不纳闷。因为我找到了我的他。他无所不在,好浪漫,好浪漫,我唱歌时,他会坐在我面前,用那明亮的眼,仿佛我的歌声是最美好的。若我发现他不见了,我会担心,他却会从我的背后拥抱我,让他的体温让我放心休息。无论我去那里,他都跟我在一起。同时,我也喜欢跟着他,不能失去他,我的每一分,每一秒。我不开心时,会把头靠在他的胸前,喃喃的对他倾述,让他的手放在我的肩,松松的拥抱,脚步在那原地上轻轻题踏着,好像在跳舞。

他的心又是充满慈爱的,又是感伤的。爱,是爱我的;伤,是背我的。我爱他,是多么多么疯狂的。我的每一天,每一次呼吸,都为他颤抖着。他爱我,是多么多么得让人心痛。他的每一天,每一次呼吸都是咬牙切齿的,每一个身上的伤,每一个心上的痛,都是为我,以让我可以多享受那一点点的喜乐。他是我的耶稣,我爱,深爱的耶稣。我爱你,是好爱好爱你。


-被你溺爱的她-

Sunday, June 15, 2008

The Greatest Thing

There are so many good things that I can say about God, if I make a list, I don't think I would have time to go take a nap before tonight's service. And the thing is, He is go great that His goodness is overflowing from me. It's natural for people who are blessed to want to share to everyone about the good things that happen.

It's kind of a turn-off when people just refuse to hear or refuse to believe that good things can still happen in this age. It hurts to see that people who dwell in this world alone for all these time, they start to loose faith in the smallest miracle, they become to rational to be spiritual. It's just like how people don't cry a real tear don't chuckle a real laughter anymore.

But the greatest thing about God is that He is alive. He is alive. All present tense. It's a statement. HE IS ALIVE. No matter how much you want to deny it, He is. It doesn't matter if you don't believe it, or you simply ignore the fact that He is, or you couldn't care less because you're too busy, the fact won't turn fiction. He is alive.

Miracles won't stop happening, young people won't stop making prophesy, old people won't stop dreaming dreams, men and women of God won't stop preaching, Christians won't stop walking with faith. It doesn't matter if you don't believe. You can deny all great works that God did, is doing or will do in the future. But all of us know it is true, He is the God, one and only God, living God. He doesn't need your confirmation. It's the other way round, we need HIS!

If you don't believe, you are the one who's missing out. God's timing. Grab hold of Him today, because even if you won't, I will.



-Eva-

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Last Night

This is the last night I will spend gouging down questions and details to get ready for my last paper. A peculiar paper in my context, having no cases to cite, no quotations to get all flourish with and no long writing to do. What a day I had, I must be tired, and not yet so, there is a long road ahead. My robust spirit would not allow me to be tired, I have a long way to go.

What way, then... I have no idea. When will I be leaving, for where and when will I be back? I have never been so unknowing in my life yet I know I am not lost. He is my light, I just have to walk towards Him all the time. When the light gets dimmer, I know I haven't got it right, so I'll turn back to the direction where my light shines. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

Trust me when I say I am never so unknowing in my life, I am finishing up an exam which I know not the results, they can either bring me further or pull me down; I am waiting for a scholarship which will provide me a chance, I do not know what will be the outcome; I am heading to somewhere, I do not know where and how can I get there; my sister is quiting her job, she loves it but she quits; my brother is far away, half a globe away, with less words than ever spoke before. Yet I am sure, this is not a free fall.

The Lord is my shepherd, what more can I ask? Jehovah Jireh, He gave me everything in my life. Each day, my first breath reminds me that He had preserved my life, each step, when my foot touch the ground, it reminds me that He had set my foot there. What more can I ask. All sin washed away, all dirt, all past scrape anew. I am clean, I am free, I am new, for You made me so.

You are my joy, You are my tears. You fill my heart with song when You say that You are near. How could this be? For all You've done for me, is that not enough? The abundance overwhelms my simple heart, yet You promise more good to come. You are my tears, when you said to me, Your love is enough, more intimate than lovers, more loving than fathers, who are You? And who am I to be so loved? But as I struggled in tear and dirt, Your spirit came, and wash them all away, You hold me tight in Your arms and assures me it's okay, they have all gone away. I sobbed in Your embrace, who am I to be so loved, my wounds on You and Your joy on I.

I will love You forever and serve You all my life. Cancel all my doubts, O God, and set my heart upon thine. I love You forever, You are my joy, my guidance, my vine.



-va-

Monday, June 9, 2008

Sunday, June 8, 2008

The Most Beautiful Flower of The Season.

Do you believe, that the most beautiful plant of the season bloom unintendedly? We would have think, the firy red and the cheerful green comes from months of nurture, heaps of effort. But the most beautifuls of the season, we bloomed unintended.

A spontanious act, a random conversation, a chain of acquaintance. We might not be the peak among the world, but we are certainly the most beautiful among the season. Carrying burdens of our own, each coming from a completely different route, we might not have met at all. Yet we did, our souls met, I was simply amazed, how can we be so similar, how can we be the same. Had all the people of the world share the same course, same choices and same struggles each day. Or it is just us who so unintendedly shared the same. But no, it is not the way we live our lives that makes us the same.

We shared. It doesn't matter what made us do so, the cold, the stress, the air, or truth or dare. I am glad to have the honour of bringing us together. For I had not done it in my own grace. It was, as I said, an unintented act. I may not have appreciated every moment we shared, but the only ones that I can make a point to remember is the things that we shared. Call me naive to have believed every thing that everyone has shared, it would be stupid to dwell in the world with so much faith in everyone, everywhere, but I do, believe, in everything we shared.

Shaun, you are the help in time of need. I hate the fact that I have been most stern with you, both in words and action, because I believe you to be, and will be a better man. I am sure that in anytime, anywhere, when anyone can call upon a help that would never reject, it is for yours. For sure, you have a kind soul. May you be as wonderful as you have ever been before, as wise as any man can ever ask for, and have all the joy in the world for all the kindness you have blessed others with.

Andrew, you are my joy. You have been great knowing all the mess you have to bear, but you would stand up for any causes that you care for. I believe you to be different, for in Christ you will be blessed. May you have all the confidence and faith in the world, knowing nobody is ever the best, we are just made and mold in different ways. And may Jesus be your guidance, source of faith and wisdom. Ask and it shall be given to you. My brother, my friend.

Pung, you are the special one. You have the something that none of us have. I do not have the word to describe your gift. I believe you to be able to put any gift of yours into full use, gaining more talents as you use them in the course of your life. Trust yourself to be set apart from the ordinary. Live your life like no one else can, do that simply because you can. Strengthen your faith in the Lord, try a freefall with Him. It would be amazing.

Gui Wei, you are the song. Yes, you are the song, not because you sing, but it is your life, your thoughts and your graceful steps that sang. I understand your appreciation, and truly admire your determination. That is one thing that I lack, I find it rare, but I found it in you. I am glad to be able to have you with me when I feels like dancing around, and singing along. You have always been a gracious friend and one that truly understands. May you have the guts to break through to the things that you already understand. Trust that you deserve the best. And sing on, for you are the song.

Pei Wen, you are the innocence. It must be obvious, from your laughs and your dependence. You have all the contentment in the world, and they bring you joy. But always, always, always be confident that you have a long road to go, and you will need all the faith you can muster to keep you standing. Seek forth, not only to live life, but to excel life. I am sorry that I had been ignorant of your appreation of me, I am sorry that I had been rude sometimes. You deserve all the support you can get in life and you certainly will be a treasure to have in my life.

Francis, you are an everlasting company. I am honoured to share your memories. It is not easy for someone to be found walking so closely to you for more than half your life. You are a uniquely gifted person. I believe you to own the power to command your life. Take control, take charge, you have the reasons to do so, and you certainly have the talents to allow you to do so. My old friend, I can tell you, you are ready, for so much more ahead of you. Take a step out to be far apart from your comfort zone, you might discover, you are more than just you.

Aanand, you are my friend. I know it may sound disappointing to say that you are "just" as friend. But I want you to know, friends are connected in the most magical way. We are neither related nor attached in any way. But we can talk so freely about something we wanted to share. Though in an unplanned situation, able to encourage and to truely share. It is as though I walked in your shoes through your time. And I am glad you gave me the privilege to do so. In times to come, I will always pray for you to find the happiness like no other, a greater friend like no other, an undefined love that will make you stutter and a life that is an inspiration to others.

Esther, you are the last one I am to defined, you are the voyager. I believe so because you can see the routes, and the lightness of heart like one. I am truly sorry that we couldn't spend more time knowing each other, it would have been sweet memories altogether. In fact, I say you can take care of youself well, you are not a worry to us but in faith, I say you have all the choices you can ever ask for. So it is always up to you to decide which route you would take. May you have all the strength to make that choice and to stay firm in whatever you have chose, whatever route you take.

I thank you, most beautifuls of the season. We may each take a different path after the short-lived bloom, but we will remain as the most beautifuls of this season, our season. You are my most beautiful, because you are special to me.


Yours truly, always,
-va-

Saturday, June 7, 2008

i love sms

SMS wishes

1. Sin Ling (Rejection T-T)
"Knowin that this sat will b ya bday,i assume that the picnic has somethin to do with it.....anyway thanks for invitin.a very happy 19th in advance to u.

2. Aanand (my son)
"Happy B'day 2 u,u're born in d zoo,wif d donkeys n monkeys n hw do u do?..lol..Happy 19th B'day Eva!..eer,I mean mum=)..Hope u hv a awesome n sucessfull year ahead of u including wif ....!..lol.

3. Andrew
。*。 蒙。*。
福。\ l /。福
。 生日快乐。
福。/ l \ 。福
。*。福。*。
梁毓华,祝你健康快乐*上帝赐福你*Andrew余维恩赠。

4. Linkah
"happy birthday..I not at home..can't wish u there..haha [From unknown number]"
...later...
"forgot to tell u I'm linkah"

5. Jh
"Eva! Happy bday!! God bless ya.. Hope u enjoy urself tmr!"

6. Francis
"Happy birthday!"

7. Yeh Khai
"今天是你农历和阳历的生日噢!祝你生日快乐噢!愿你事事顺利,梦想成真!:-〉

8. Eujin
"Happy and blessed birthday ms eva :) how young d hah? ;)hehe.."
..I replied that I will be blowing 19 candles this year...later...
"Wah banyak :) hv a nice day,will c u soon..will be bk end of june then"

9. Sue Lin
"Eva,just want to wish u a Happy Birthday! May God bless ur special day n everyday..hope u'll enjoy ur outing tml. =)

10. Chee Theng
"Happy birthday..And happy 端午节for sunday..^o^"

11. Daddy~ muax*
"Happy birthday. Darling Eva. With love fr daddy. Have u placed a booking for tao restaurant?"

12. Cyndy, the 1st lady for me.
"Happy birthday dear! Stay pretty n healthy alwis ;p"

13. Kheng Huat - all the way from Ukraine
"Happy 19th birthday eva! Njoy ur final teenage year!"

14. Jack
"生日快乐!"

15. Sue Ann
"Eva girl, drop by to wish u a Blessed Burfday&all ur wishes come through!Sry couldn't join the outing today,exams soon le.enjoy ur day yea,make it a blast!! :)"

16. Q che
"picture"

17. Kah Yee
"Happy Birthday! from Bao"

18. Bro. Bernard, Sis Tabitha and cuti Eunice~
"Happy & Blessed birthday, to u, Eva on 7 Jun 08 from Bro Bernard, Sis Tabitha & Eunice Lim"

19. Yee Ling
"Hey cutie eva,happy 19th to u><..Hope u gt a great celebration:-)

20. Gui Wei
..after asking abt his mean of transport to the party place...
"好。还有hor 生日快乐!嘻嘻"

Friday, June 6, 2008

与博客过的一个夜

她也就像任何一个普通的女生。在夜里,穿上了一件稍旧的 T-Shirt,一件一样旧的运动裤,湿湿的头发盘坐在电脑前不如一回事的嘀嘀嗒嗒的打了一篇又一篇的部落各。手指的动作是如此熟练,仿佛失去了那份原有的悸动。谁又知道心急的她是在挣扎着把那片心情放上那无人浏览的网址。无人浏览的那空间,不是为了让人了解,只求那份心情可以找个地方,自由妄想。

他也就像任何一个普通的男生。在夜里,穿上了稍旧的夹克,一件一样旧的短裤在公寓的花园和那一班老朋友聊些有的没的。人字拖在那石地上踢踢踏踏的,走过了她那片心情。他的步伐是如此的不在意,仿佛稍微失去了旋律。谁有知道他即将离去,去那好遥远好遥远的离去。无人了解的距离,不是让人心碎,而是让人回想,思考,冲刺,再去追求那梦想。

她也不过是比别人较情绪化一点点,想得较多一点点,性格较不同一点点,文字较复杂一点点。不是一种打扰,至少她希望她不是他生活上的干扰,只是不时会想要谈谈天;在他回家时,跟他去看看电影,尴尬一下下。一份不知去路的感情,没有负担的爱情,久久一次的温情,和稍微越轨的友情。这样就够了。这样就够了。

他也不过是比别人较颓废一点点,想得较深一点点,性格较与众不同一点点,文字较少一点点。不是一个困扰,至少他只是她的一个困扰。不时会想要弹弹吉他;在她想跟他聊天时,说说一些生活上的一点点,不时偷偷暗示他好想好想她,想跟以前一样,带她回家。一份不知所措的感情,没有防范的爱情,不时不时地殷勤,和稍微特别的友情。好像还不错的呢。好像感觉不错的。

博客的她好怀念那个好久不见的他。好紧张在这周末会见到他吧。会怎么不同吗?还是跟以前一样,有着那甜甜的尴尬。


-梁毓华-

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

2.70

2 and 7 used to be my favourite numbers; 2 I just like it, it's seems pleasant to me, and 7 because it's God's number. But I bet tonnes of people hate the combination now. It's the rumoured price for petrol after the hike. It used to be RM1.92 for every litre. Mum said it's gonna be 4 bucks per litre in August, 'cause they said the petrol price will rise to the market price, 4 freakin' bucks, that is. Hmm. I still love 2 and 7, separated or not.

Anyway, it took us about 2 hours to jam our way to the Petronas, and mum really wanted to go to the loo. I guess we blame the government. They could have subsidize our petrol. Andrew wore this T-shirt that demand a certain leader to step down. Hmm.. I have no comment. He can stay if he can help us with the petrol price. I'm not gonna be happy if mum and dad decide to sell off my Audi because of its petrol consumption.


Guess what? There was this moment when I actually hated the petrol station. Not Petronas though, it's a Shell station. They close the station down just now. We passed Greenlane McDonalds at about 7.30p.m. The station was closed but the station's office has its lights on, meaning there was actually someone inside. Sneaky sneaky. Hmm...They think they can save their stocks till after the hike and sell us the old stocks after the price increased. HA! Caught in the act. And there was this reporter there who took pictures of the petrol station. Of course we will know which one after that. Where else can you find a SHELL station beside Penang most well-known McDonalds.

Here are some pictures that I took while waiting for the queue and while pumping petrol.



It was drizzling a lil' when we got to the station.

The people are already there to get their tank-fulls of petrol.


And they just keep coming! Look at those cars!

This fella was so happy he was pointing and dicussing about the petrol price.

Petronas personnel helping to organize the traffic.

Mum was getting annoyed by the long queue. X/

Pumping petrol was neve so hard! He's trying to screw the cap of the petrol tank in.

Full tank. YAY!

Actually I was just happy that mum paid for the bills. Now I can drive to Tanjung Bungah for canoe-ing this weekend dee! Whee~ Happy Birthday, Va~

-va-

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

So long, so long.


My summer starts now, it's gonna last for one week, so long, so long. Idle days to come. Stroll on the sunny streets, walking like any other pedestrians, only it's my summer, so long so long. Then drive on the road just beside those, sometimes with the window down after rain, like those leaving this town, goodbye. It's gonna be my summer. With my friends, my God, my car, the beach and the summer time.


I'm sure this season can be held in my arms, like the sunshine and the wind. Be random and spontanious. To fall in love with my favourite band again, those who practice in the garage with a few guitars, a keyboard and a drum. How the strumming of the guitar stays in the air when the music goes quiet and build up again. Take a deep breath and breath in the dreamy voice of the lead. So long, so long.

Stay with you for a while, jump around for a while, maybe a run in the beach, a few screams and some happy shouts. I will live under the cover of the summer breeze under the sky. Just as summer was here. I was here and now I'm gone. I'm gone, I'm gone. So long, so long.




-summer time. so long so long-

Saturday, May 31, 2008

White Love Story

White Love Story
애즈 원
커피프린스 1호점 OST

처음엔 알지 못했어
나를 보는 그대의 그 눈빛이
왜 그렇게 안타까웠는지
언제나 묻고 싶던 말
아주 조금 내 맘 알고 있는지
한번도 얘기한 적 없었지만
이젠 아는데 그대도 나처럼
하루하룰 헤매였던 걸
잠들 수 없이
너무 아파했었다는 걸
손을 잡아요다
시는 그대 놓지 않을게
사랑해요 내가 숨쉬는 날까지

그대로 멈춰버렸죠
나에겐 늘
모질게만 대하던 그대가
날 보며 웃어주던 날
이젠 아는데 그대도 나처럼
하루하루 헤매였던 걸
잠들 수 없이
너무 아파했었다는 걸
손을 잡았죠
다시는 나를 놓지 말아요
사랑해요 내가 눈감는 날까지


울지 않아요 이제 그대
내 곁에 있으니
고마워요 이렇게 모자란 내게
그대를 선물해줘서

........................................................................................................................................................
I didn't know when I first met you, why I get so flustered when you look at me. I've always wanted to ask, if you understood just a little of my feelings, even though I've never told you. How you were always a wonder to me, the way you are, far apart yet fit so well in every picture. Your words still resound in my mind whenever I hear this song.

Now I know how we are all the same, just as lost and walking about in our lives alone. Just like others, share thoughts that keep us from sleep. I tried to know you more, walked every place that you have been before, try every taste and meet the same people that you have met. With my pace, hoping to finally catch up with you one day, and share our walks later. Hold my hand, and I will never let go of you again. I love you, as long as I breathe.

Things stood still when you, who always had been so quiet and distanced, smiled a me that day. I was so surprised and glad that we are friends, connected with the briefest moments. And now I understand, how we are the same, just as lost and somewhat confused, a little afraid of the future. Hold my hand, never let go of me again, I love you, till the day I close my eyes in rest.

I will be fine, knowing that you are by my side. Thank you, for giving me, who is not worthy, the gift of your presence in my life.
-white girl-

Friday, May 30, 2008

:idle day:

Just after Tort paper...*~ I didn't get enough sleep again...feel like had been walking around with a heavy head. Ma~ I think I need sleep. So this will be another idle day. Came home and saw my room all cleaned up and the windows are open. I so love the tree outside my house. It look so green. Maybe I should give him a hug someday. For being such a sweetheart everytime I come home.





It must be really nice to be the tree. It's all big and green already. Mom and dad always think I'm a special kid, you know? I'm really proud of it. They used to fetch me around so I go blabbing all the way in the car. They always start with "How's your day, honey?" And the conversation will soon turn to something else. I don't think I'm one of those super genius but I know I'm different. I may not realize it but I had interest in almost everything.

And now I'm wondering how I would really like someone like myself. I guess people would really appreciate others who are really similar to them. Like how I wish my children will be as curious as I was, not curious in a way like those scientist and all those. But curious enough to read and think and explore. Then I realize no one can raise a kid to be exactly like herself, no matter how hard she try, it would only ruin the kid. That's how my parents raised my I guess. They gave me so much room to grow.


I read Andrew Matthew's book in my preteen years, started reading since my lower primary. I think I began my collection of books in my higher primary years, of course most of my old books are given away already. I was suddenly amazed by how every part of my childhood seemed to be carefully planned. Not only by my parents. By my heavenly Parent too.


I could hardly remember having any problems in my language classes, English especially. I learned idioms when my sister did. And Sir David seemed to pop out of no where and fit right in there in my younger years. Then there was British Council and the part-time job and all the small small things. I actually enjoyed learning.

Of course there was all those traveling...all 3 children in my family have our fair share of traveling. We can barely remember our 1st flight. Australia, Bangkok, United States, Taiwan... The world opened up to me like a big book with tiny prints all over it. The exposure is priceless.

I'm just suddenly so thankful. I'm happy to be blessed. In everything, I will give thanks.



-a child-

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Going nuts...Bahhhh!!!

I will not blame anything or anyone. This is just a random expression of craziness, please forget it after reading. Oh, and don't mind my language please.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EEEeeekkk!!! Exams exams exams. WHY LA EXAM...SUCH BAD TIMING. TSK...What the crapppppp! First time ever for my burfday to clash with exams, AND it's supposed to be my LAST TEENAGE BIRTHDAY. Don't the Cambridge people understand what is SPECIAL??? My burfday is what people call special kayy... The WHOLE freakin' Malaysia celebrates the day. At least they used to 'cause the Agong love the 7th of June sooo darn much he had to clash MY birthday with HIS. Indeed the Englishmen have NO respect for the head.. yea.. the HEAD of our country. AND ME.

...
wow...so short only wor...

actually...I just reli wanna go for the movie...




-whitegirl-

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

welcome home~!

Did you know, I had this dream before, where I smiled when I woke up. I remember it well, I was in the National Service then. It must have been more than one year ago from now. You called to say you have arrived safely in KL then. It was just that brief. You in the car, the city scene start filling the view of the window beside you, you had the phone to your ear and said you are in KL already, probably with a smile.

I woke up smiling. It's just a pure joy that warmed me from the inside. In the mist of neatly lined-up beds and the weather somewhat colder because we are far from the city. I could imagine other girls being all clingy and teary when that someone special is leaving; but I simply cannot deny the joy to know that my someone special is after his dream and while we are far apart yet somehow so knitted in understood terms and such strong faith that we would be together again.

And here we are now, you have finished your studies and heading for somewhere further and a dream bigger. Yet I still have the same faith and same addiction to you. I'm struggling for words now to type out the utmost happiness that you have came to me and said "I'm back in Penang.". To think that you have turn to give me these words, it is just so surreal. You had always come and go without letting me know, with such a personality so careless and slow.

Even if it is the smallest action, I am just so glad that you have given me the privilege to take a small step into your life. Welcome home, I would shout to the apartment tomorrow. =P



-tree-hugger-

Monday, May 26, 2008

love song

I fell in love with love songs lately. They sing it so well as though they are telling their own story. I wonder how will our love song sound like, then I wonder how will it be possible to put all that happened in a song of mere minutes yet it seemed like each song say enough to tell the whole story.

I especially love song that come with a deep cut in the heart, no matter how sanguine I appear to be, I appreciates the melancholic part of me. Love songs became an addiction, the way they sing with so much emotion that it is painful to listen, yet at the end of the song you find yourself smiling with tears. How could we be fighting fiction all along but end up being a part of the story ourselves? Could we have been like those in the songs?

Maybe it was just me all along. I thought I was simply looking at a beautiful picture in a gallery, to have look at it so often that you became more than a habit. A distanced admiration that I cling on to so much. Till the distances dissolves in, till barely anything is left to keep the mildest relationship, but it was too late. However much it burdens my heart, no matter how much struggles were made, you became too painful to be let go of.

Waiting upon your return every time, for the light to shine through your windows. To pray for you each night, to take a detour back to every place that we share the briefest memories, to speak to you through the wind in the softest voice, and above all the faith that I keep in something so vague. I enjoyed every moment of it. Be it alone or with you. I try to remember every smile, every detail, everything that I can, fearing to lose any bit of it.

I will be sure, be brave and be wise, to love you as you should be loved, with every ounce of strength and support I can muster. To wait upon each one of your returns.



-someone else-

Saturday, May 24, 2008

The Swt-est Partayy of the Year

Indeed it is happening. Hahahahaa~ I am throwing my own Super Swt 19. LOL. All are invited, just let me know if you can come, don't be shy, it's an open party! Oh yea, bring a dish, preferable something that you can burn over the fire. Woohoo~

We're gonna go for the canoe at 4.30p.m. and stay for the dinner after that. Post any question or contribution in the comment please. Thanks!

Seriously, this is NOT a prank.



-va-

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Food for Thought #1: Submisssion

He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, "Do you love me?" and he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my sheep."




-John 21:17

"As morning dawns and evening fades
You inspire songs of praise
That rise from earth to touch Your heart
And glorify Your Name

Your Name is a strong and mighty tower
Your Name is a shelter like no other
Your Name, let the nations sing it louder
'Cause nothing has the power to save
But Your Name

Jesus, in Your Name we pray
Come and fill our hearts today
Lord, give us strength to live for You
And glorify Your Name


-Paul Baloche, "Your Name"."

.......................................................................................................................................................................

When a greater force than us pushes us along, most of us choose to fight it, trying to hold on to things close to us, doing all we can to stop or at least slow down the process. Especially when the change is not what we wanted or anticipated. Most of the time, it isn't even a change, it's a small voice in your head that bugs you to do something, and you know that is something you should and could do.

Just as when God calls, "Feed my sheep,", "Clean this place, make My house a holy place,", "Call out to that man.", "Be kind to your friend,", "Apologize to your parents.", "Sing this song to Me,". How often had we neglected the call? It shocked me to realize how much faith it takes to do a small thing for God, and how that small faith can be greater than the world.


We often fight against a lot of things, take the awesome 7 for instance, we fought our college management, our government, Ah Wong in the head office. Other peopl fight their company for a raise, some fight their parents and the rest fight against all the things of the world. Of course those are things of the world, not of God. But when submission is concerned, it takes more to submit then to fight.

The man of submission is a bigger man than the fighter. It takes wisdom to realize that the world will not stop because of our struggle, it could barely slow down. In Greek, submission is called praotes, meekness, forbearance. When the wind of God blows, let praotes prevail, for once, resist grabbing anything that would hold you back, and you will see what God sees, the bigger view and above all, the intimacy with God.

When He asks "Do you love me?", say "Take me with you."



















-va-

Monday, May 19, 2008

last -teen

Yes, it's coming soon. It's great 'cause it will be on a Saturday, so it's a weekend, and it's between my papers, so I can take one day off to celebrate it. The minus point is that the youths won't be around, Pam and the boys will be off to FGA punya camp. And I can't go because; 1. It's between my exams, 2. the last youth camp is supposed to be my last camp, at least until I can get better reasons to convince my parents, 3. I don't really have the spare cash for all the fees considering aunty cancel a month of tuition from me and surely mom and dad won't even pay a cent for it. Crap, I really should get a job with good pay after my exams. Tsk.


Anyway, so they won't be around. Awesome 7 nightstanders will have their heads in books preparing for exam, so it would have to be with my parents. Sometimes they can be real cool, like we went to The Ship on one of my birthdays, mom had one of the snail thing and the whole The Ship crew sang my birthday song. Last year we went for Korean grill, it was not bad 'cause I get to celebrate my birthday with Q che, she's like the coolest aunt anyone would ever want, so yea, it was a nice gathering. Oh and my college mates, those who were in the law class, they sang me a great happy birthday song, and it was really nice 'cause I have only got to know them for like a month then, Shaun was the one who started it. Hee..Thanks guys ^^


Of course there was the birthday celebration at home. Not a big party, we just got together and watch a little movie and had dinner. Mom and dad weren't around, and because it was a CG night so Pam couldn't make it either. The boys came though, and Joon Han and Jack and Seow Jie and Sebrina. I don't think anybody else made it. I remember cooking too much spaghetti, and the nasty subtitles in Shrek 3. I love it still, it was great fun, small crowd but I think we did almost everything that made it real funny. I think I almost laughed my guts out. It was not like any other crappy but funny birthday thing, it's more like double the funny part. Jieli wrote his name with his butt.


This year is the first time my birthday ever clashes with exam period but I don't think I wanna celebrate it on any other day. Birthdays are supposed to be a once-a-year thing, that's what makes them special, no matter how much it sucks, LOL. So far I haven't have any plans up. I kinda should study 1st before trying to make another party that will rock the world, well, at least will rock my world.


Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday Dear Eva,
Happy Birthday to me~.


Aw, it sucks, the lyrics don't even rhyme. =="






-va-

Dear you, miss me.

I'm just so happy, so glad that you are coming back. I've always been the one asking, "when are you coming back?" That's because I'm always nervous and don't know what to say. It seemed right to ask. This time, you replied "Very soon," And I don't know how to react. Very soon. This week? Oh...must be this weekend. And I was really happy, I sat where I always sit, and I turned back to see the place that you always occupy, right at the back, near the door. And nope.

But I was not disappointed, I smiled. Hmm...now you're making me think. A cheeky trap. But I am just so happy, whenever it is, it will be very soon. Then I saw you again, and I asked, "What's so dangerous?" And you said "You." And I smiled and asked again, "When are you coming back?" and you said, "very soon" So I waited. I shouted to your apartment from the highway on my way home, "Come home!" And I smiled, because I know you are, very soon.

It is Sunday again, maybe I'll see you in church today. I went and sat where I sat, so happy afterwards when they need my help at the back. I'd be much closer to you if you are home. But you aren't, but I smile, I must have been thinking too much about you, why esle would I care so much. I even blushed for the first time.

Whenever "very soon" maybe, I'll be waiting just right here. Dear you, miss me.



-white girl-

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Story-dream #2

Chapter 1


After I got off from the academy, I walked to my car. It was parked on the slightly sloped lawn just a few cars away from the small security booth. I had more things in my arms than usual so I thought of putting them down in the passenger seat before hitting the wheels.

Only then I realized that the radio in the car was still on, so I gave myself a few minutes to sit in the passenger seat so that I can fix that old dysfunctional radio again. It was trickier than it used to be. I laid back on the seat after awhile. Radio off, door open and feeling the skies getting dark.

From the tip of my eye I can see the rear view mirror, a man was creeping from the back of my car, grim-looking with a knife in his hand. The door behind me was open, and almost within his reach. I was sure he did not know I noticed him. I swung it close and locked it manually. The sound of the door startled him and I took that instant to pull my door shut and clicked it locked.

This time, I know for sure he saw me doing it. I quickly slipped into the drivers' seat and start the ignition, trying to drive off as if I had not known his presence. He clearly wants more than stealing money, he did not leave. Still with the knife in his hand he just stood there and watch me reversed my car and drove away. The coldness that the grim man brought hung in the air. I could have been dead and disfigured just moments ago.

I turned into the closest police station nearby, it was a small neighborhood station, it looked out of place and under-equipped. The lady in the front desk was friendly, very much un-city-like. When I told her about the guy with the knife, her expression became serious, her partner walked in just then. "He's a chain murderer," throwing the paper file in his hands to counter, right in front of my eyes. Some photos slipped out. "So what's he gonna do next?"

"He traces back all his targets."

"What? He would mean I'm one of them, right?"

"Are you a cop, miss?", he asked before the lady at the desk could answer my question.

"Yes I am."

"There you go, lassie. His name is Bill Ransom, only targets ladies cop. He was found creeping around these two ladies last year and they were dead soon after, murdered and cut off into pieces. Nothing sexual, nothing personal. So you are the second batch, along with Sarah Sanders, R.I.P., just two weeks ago, Rachel Lee Russell, Tammie Thompson, one of our own officers, and you're the latest target."

"So, what do I do next?"

"Don't worry about it, there're still two to go before you. He follows the sequence, Tammie's up in a planned operation to eliminate him off. We can't do it in the public, too dangerous."

"Officer, who's leading the operation?"

"I am, Sergeant Chad Leroy. Nice to meet you, didn't get your name."

"Detective Samantha Lewis, currently teaching in the academy."

"You ain't the daughter of the Deputy in the Federal, are you? You're the other Lewis, eh?"

"I'm afraid I am."

"Look, no worries with Billy's case, just leave your report here and we'll let you know about the progress of the case." Leroy let out a careless chuckle.




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



No worries became such unsuitable word to describe the case in just few hours. It came out in the news. Officer Rachel Lee Russell, 30, disappeared after her patrol shift found dead in five different places. Now I am second in queue.

"Sir, I want to go back into the field. I need your approval to join in Dauphin County Troop H, under Sergeant Chad Leroy."

"To do what? Receptionist? Hardly anything happens there, Lewis.", said Fat Daniels. He's in
charge of my transfer. And clearly, he had not been reading the papers.

"Look, I need to join Leroy’s team. They clearly have no idea what they are doing to this Ransom guy. I'm on his list, okay? And Troop H is sending some small town policewoman to bait him, I don't think a mass murderer is that stupid."

"Chill, lady. All I can do is to file your application just like anybody else. Maybe put in a word or two in your recommendation field. The rest are up to the big guys up there."

"Thanks, Daniels,", I finally manage to calm myself down.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sometimes Daniels can work magic, I was in Leroy’s after a week. Ransom had been hibernating after his last murder. Tammie turned out to be a slightly plump, short hair, blonde officer in her early thirties. No offence but she looked clumsy. Leroy, as usual, chuckled at most of the important details and there were some random Smiths and Jones around.

It took me two days to gauge down all the details of the case. The location of the dumping and the stalking. Pennsylvania is not a small state and Ransom had no problem setting his footprints all over. The bodies had been all scattered around the state, no specific pattern at all. The operation was due on the 18th, a Sunday and I had nothing, so far, that could help capture Ransom. I was on the verge of breaking down.

The almost antique phone suddenly rang.

"Hello?"

"Detective Lewis,"

"Dad?"

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