What's Up Malaysia?

Nothing really. I have been busy. I am so busy that this cannot possibly be considered a holiday. I just hope I can get my target done and so earn those extra bonus that is rewarding enough to justify this madness. Workaholicism. It's crazy. I am a shopaholic. Maybe obsessive compulsiveness is somewhere in my blood, boiling over every time I get too enthusiastic about something.

So that explains my lack of decent outfit post. Besides, my hard case is so heavy that I can hardly bring any decent clothes back with me even though I was already way over-stuffing my luggage. The lady was nice enough to let me pass through with an amazing 27.6kg when the limit was 20. Big thank you to you, Singapore Airlines lady.

Yvonne and dad took these outfit shots for me. I didn't intend to, they thought this outfit is pretty cool. Big smile!

The legendary little blue car.

This is so blurred I can't put it on Weardrobe/Chictopia. :(

I put together this outfit in a rush. An old Esprit shirt and my thrifted Sportsgirl boyfriend blazer. Works out preeetty well.

Not the average working class.
Uh-huh

P/s: Hope you guys like my new haircut!

Not So Pleasant

Crankie

Funky nails and docs

I actually took these photos weeks ago when I was in Christchurch, getting all distracted when I was packing my bags before heading home to Penang. Hmm...that was when Penang was a word that rings in my ear with the tinkling sounds very much like how "sales", "shoes", "designer bags" sounded to me. 3 weeks into my arrival and I am already anticipating my return.

9 months is enough to get me addicted to thrift stores, good online shopping systems and a 4-season walk-in closet. Boots seems like a bad choice half the time when I am here, but since dad got an old Hilux that I am allowed to drive, my docs seems to fit in better with the hot & humid weather. Just for looks.

Oh well. I am sad to say that the only victim of my shopaholicism thus far is only a rainbow coloured square scarf from Forever 21. And a deposit for a new entry level DSLR that is scheduled to arrived in 1-2 weeks. Wait up, people, a decent camera is just the beginning for any blogger. :D

Looking Into My Window

Looking back into the years when I was this awkward little person - not that I am not one now - I cannot help but remember the days when I would look into his windows, more often than not, unlid. Once every few months, the lights would be turned on and I would know he was home; and I would wait, most impatiently but careful not to be noticed for his regular seat to be filled with his presence. I am sure his presence was not anymore electrifying to any other person in the room, but it seems to radiate towards me. Nudging me to turn my head every moment or so.

Now that feeling is gone, I have gotten rid of that box of a long dreamy crush. I have grown out of the years of awkward fantasies and idealistic dreams. I stepped away from the beautiful world I thought I had lived in just to see another beautiful place, cold, hard and but a bit less beautiful than the one that I had lived and breathed in. A place so idle yet engaging; so engaging that it is to be missed to do justice for the sake of its beauty.

Just as I stepped into my old world, that heavy humid air swam with such force that seemed to desire to burst my lungs from within. My head tipsy and my feet light. But the first thought in my mind were who is looking through to my window. Who is waiting for my light?

My foolishness and vanity. Who are you, the other me, the other foolish little person who waited so long, so hopefully for me?

Ladies With An Attitude

So I went to Weardrobe's blog on Tumblr and found this. How cool is that eh? Just love the background music. Fits in oh-so-perfectly. *wink*

The Photobooth from Rich Tong on Vimeo.

Sunny Day

So it didn't work that well yesterday. I guess I have to revert to my old self again. Finish everything that might distract me and study when everything is done. Suicidal genius. In less harsh and more irresponsible way, I am an international student, they are going to have to accept me anyway. Only I'll make sure they accept me because of my results not my fees.

Righto, outfits!

Got this summer dress off Trademe, almost too short so I wore a pair of footless tights underneath. Cardigan - gift from Leanne, Gladiator sandals - Overland, Pumpkin Treasure pendant - Mom (souvenir from Russia)

It's not too short, is it? Yikes-a-bee.

Knitted vest - Supre

I sincerely hope that the sunshine will stay, and I will get to wear everything from that I bought during my shopaholic phase before I head home. :/

Doodles

The beginning of study week, I thought: hmm...a good breakfast ought to be a good kick off.

It worked for half an hour...

Then I started doodling.

And now I'm blogging. Jeez, can this possibly get any worse?!

Oh...it did already. I bought a pair of brogues, a pair of denim shorts and a blue shirt-dress off Trademe. *Sobs bitterly*

latest favourite link

Forever 21!

....................................................

Oh yea~ Don't you just love Forever 21? They are so cute & girly & fashionable! And now they have a blog too!!!

*Squeeeel*

Indulging in photos... & the embrace of Spring fashion.

http://blog.forever21.com/blog/

Savvy online window shopper,

Va

I'm here!

From leaving home, i discover that there are something that can't swim, can't fly, doesn't have passport cannot go overseas. And most of the time, I don't mean human. So what's the big deal. Something just have their limitations...can't blame them, can i?

I look at being here, away from home like a sabbatical, 9 months here, then home and another nine months then home again and repeat that four times. It's not that hard to imagine, you just have to emphasize on the home part. The easy way to do it, is just brainwash yourself. The surprisingly easy part was that I don't actually get too caught up here. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, and they are a.w.e.s.o.m.e. but i am just determined that i will be home.

So yea...obvious things stood out, friendship, crushes, hatred, sworn relationship of any kind, dreams and wishes, abstract things. In your life, can they swim?

I don't think all of mine do, but there is just something you gotta give.

Thank God He can swim and fly and has a passport can go overseas. =)

-Va is here & there & everywhere-

Welcome the Negative

EEEEkkk~! Headng out now..weather forecast -> -1 degree tonight.

Yes, my 1st negative night.. ooo 加油加油~！

-Va-

Magnificient

Look, The Brilliant Light!

............................................

Two things that I realize among the darkness that I've been through...

That a light, merely a light will not shine through, only a light too brilliant for the darkness will break through the clouds and make a magnificient mark;

That when it does, shine through, only when it shines through, you will realize it is the Light because of its contrast to the darkness.

............................................

He is the Light; He who is one and different. Holy and ever-loving. That is because He is too bright to be contrasted. So bright that there is no darkness.

-Jesus Christ-

He is the light, because he shines, a gentle light, and always shine. Even when I least expected.

-My father-

He is my light, because he is with me, he tells me his everyday life...share with me bits of his thoughts and his smiles.

-My special friend-

He is a strange light, like one that you might only encounter once or twice in a long time. Not a particular light that is close to heart, but nonetheless a help sent in time.

-The good Samaritan-

Ah, look, what a brilliant light.

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross quoted.

-Eva-

No time no time

You know what's the good thing about now? Now as in, I have 2 assignments due on Thursday, one skill test tomorrow and 2 more assignments due next week and err..wait wait...ar correct de and 2 more due end of this month, which is the week after. So gai rght. Oh yea and my scholarship form. Daddy please don't read this thing. ARGHH~

Good thing is I have no time. NO TIME NO TIME. So no time for homesickness, no time to think about all the touchy feely lovey dovey, no time to even dig a hole and bury myself inside. So why am I here? Because I have no time mah. Er.. yea. That's why I am here. Nothing to justify that one. Now everyday is like I'm sucking in this whole new uni air. Since I have to walk to school, so I guess I must have sucked in a lot. The air, you know, like bunch of people rushing between classes AND when you don't have class, rush to the library or computer lab to get the work typed out. The air. Yes. Incredible.

Talk about walking, hmm...I'm gonna go take a look at a secondhand bike tomorrow, hopefully I can buy it and start cycling to school so I can sleep in for another 5 minutes or so. Which also reminds me, daddy said he is sending a package of my stuff over, which includes a bicycle helmet. And I think it takes at least 2 weeks. Crap buy liao cannot use. *drool*

ARGH. What's wrong with all these stupid crawlies. We get so may of them around the house. Especially flies, one of those fellas got into the bathroom with me when I was bathing. If I have more time I will do the same thing to that pitiful little brainless DEAD bug who tried to bite me before chinese new year back in Malaysia. Hmph...they don't know who they are messing with. Which reminds me again, even if they do, they won't care less because I have no time to kill them.

Crap. Signing off now. Skill test calling my name liao.



-No time to type my name here la-

非诚勿扰

Autumn has come and I am still stuck in summer, somehow unwilling to tear myself away from all that has been happening before. The weather finally releasing its unkindness, parallel to the guilty conscience burried within me. Seeing the things around me, looking at the things to realise that I had been so selfish. When I thought all was about me, that things evolve around me, and not the other way round.

It brings fear to me. That I may be just as selfish right here, right now. Leaving with such courage that I finally mustered, regardless of wherever it came from, hollow or not, refusing to fall back on anything and so unwilling to even prepare some form of safety net. I did not expect you. I did not expect you. I really didn't.

Yes I do secretly want a lot of things, greed for some luxuries that I cannot afford. Like a person to stand beside me, perhaps a shoulder, or just the mere presence and some clingy-ness. I cannot afford any of them. It does mean a lot when you came and be so kind to me. But I cannot take it from you, I don't want to take advantage of you, occupying your thoughts, your time and your space. If anything, I just want you to be happy, to be of less worry, especially of me. You should be doing great things and doing fun things, not spending time with me.

You ask me if you should wait...if I want you to wait. Selfishly, yes, I want you to wait, to be there for me, who would want their special someone who be strolling off somewhere but I cannot promise you anything, I can barely give you anything. The last thing I want is for this to get worse. Yes, I would like to have you in my winter, share some secrets with you, be around and be nice to you, I won't mind sharing my space with you, staying up late to hear you talk...but these I can't afford.

So we are somehow lost but not so lost. Thus we spend our time together in prayer, and knowing each other. So we will learn and grow and wait. That's the sweetest thing, we will wait.

Back at me

Painful irony. I used to laugh at people for all of their misfortune and everything that comes in exactly at the worst timing. Not at any person particularly, probably just the sacarcsm of event. How things that evolve around us play a silly embarassing joke back at us, and how human turns out to be so helpless and dumb founded. Who knows that somehow it would turn its target on me. Not so funny now isn't it. Actually it still is, and not for the first time I found myself smiling painfully at my reflection.

What a strange place this is. What strange circumstances am I in. There is just so much things that I might have do them in such different way. I do wonder if it is the environment that push me to such an extend that I have no control and choice, or is it just me giving in to the helplessness that crawls in. Yes, I am uncontrollably emotional at times, it is not easy at all to be at a foreign piece of land with nothing familiar with you. Not one piece of my life feels in place with these people and places. No name rings a bell, no voice that tempt me to turn around to see and certainly no place there is that I can call home.

What am I doing here? Why am I even here? I should be at home. These changes and sceneries and people and places and every bit of strange detail is making things so complicated. Why do people say things and feel things and want things so foreign and weird?! What is wrong with me...

I want home...I just want to go home.

There are stars tonight.

There were stars tonight. Looking at them, seems like I was seeing some old friends, can't help smiling at them, even for a quick glimpse. I went out just now, alone, for supper. It was a familiar joint for me, something that I have been having and once craved for when I was young. I used to sing to my dad and lure him into cycling to get those yummy curry rice for me around midnight when we were still in the old house.

There was solitude tonight. I don't care if other people think it is dangerous to go out alone at night at the wee hours. Mum was asleep. And it is like back then, when I spend time with myself a lot, enjoying my own company, just me..and me. A little rebellious, from sneaking out in mum's car. But it seems so familiar, like my old self sweeping through. I am myself again. The one who sits in the moonlight blogging alone.

Then there was a funny old friend. Simpleton, we chatted for a while and bid goodbye. What jolly good company. Though it was a while, it makes me remember how good it is to be just simple and content. We don't really need all that much anyway.

What a night, a beautiful night, meeting all of you, my old friends. Nothing beats being myself, and knowing that it is all enough.


Finally home,
Eva

Pattern

Looking back at the things that we did, we heard, we favour, we hate, we were once crazy about, I do realise that we live up in a pattern. And it hurts to think that myself, is too bound by a pattern, some pattern of other people's life. Yes, it is rude to label people like items, but the truth is, I think we all can be labelled, like how we react in situations. No matter how much we would like to deny, history does repeat itself, and in human, the time period of history isn't really that long, sometimes, it's just months away.

So it offends me and hurts me to know that I can be fitted into a pattern of someone else's. I do not believe in coincidences. It doesn't need a genius to tell you we are similar. She did that, so did I. She was that, and so am I. In the surface, I cannot deny the things that I do and whoever I am. So I hate it to my bones that what I do and who I am hunts me back. I am vain, I want to be an individual, up till now, I still believe with my heart and soul that I am an individual. God created me not to fit into some other people's mold. I am made for His mold, and in my life, may He refine me and try me to make me fit better.

For once I ask, do not label me, judge me, or try to fit me in the patterns of people who had been there before me. Don't like me because I am like a certain he or she, and at your mercy, don't hate me for being like someone else. I have my own identity, though I may seem the same on the outside, I would appreciate if you actually try to look within.

Certainly, after this, I am swayed and confused. But off this page and the words, I am sure of myself, who I am, what I do. I still have some growing up to do. =)


With love,
Eva

Crosslinked

Yes, I have finally decided to cross-link and unprivatise. I finally got over the fact that if I am to post it online, somehow, everybody will read it anyway. So who cares, you guys will have to pretend like you have never read anything from here [blogspot] and there [multiply]. Otherwise, I will have to personally poison you to muteness and break your pitiful little fingers to avoid you learning sign language.

So, thank you for reading.


With love,
Eva

P/s: If you haven't notice, I am still in the mood of the last post. Grrh.

Revenge of the bitten person

It was a typical good night. I was online and chatting. I was actually having a good time and he said "good night," and I bid goodbye. Then, out of the corner of my eye. There was this red and black little thing wiggling on my right hand, just slightly above my elbow.

*SHOCK* that's the evil bug that pee poison on people and make your hand get very bad infection!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH~~~ CRAP. And its butt was so close to my skin, I could practically see myself getting victimized by the butt of the bug. My mouth is fighting back a bad cursing word while the quickness of my finger ticked the bug off from my hand. But it was all too late. The harm was already done. Now there is this little bump on my hand that is waiting to swell and start producing some kind of bad painful blister.

Sucks. Every moment that I know this bug of the ultimate evil still roam in my room sucks. But my live is more important so I flip-flopped to the washroom and applied a big bloop of body shampoo and started scrubbing the bump area franticly and washed off the soap.

Still sucks. It is still alive somewhere. But one thought of grace and mercy passed my mind, I actually thought of letting it live and not hunting it down...it's probably because I was already tired by then. So I turned off the laptop and went to bed.

May all curses and dissentment fall on that evil little creature with a mind full of malicious intentions and body filled with gooey poisonous fluid and may it die in such misery that no bug can imagine or comprehend and its corpse no where to rest and rot in my hearty revenge. There it was ON MY BED. Looks like that thing really wanted to ruin my Chinese New Year.

I am not somebody to be messed with, bug. My right hand took hold of the closest thing in my reach that will bring death to the bug - my chinese version hard cover bible. And my heart filled with anger of its determined intentions and squash! The poisonous fluid was spilled over the sides of my bible. But that thing was still wiggling with life.

Its butt stucked to the fabricated skin of the cover and its body was moving in such way that angered me more. I took it to daddy to make sure that it is a poisonous bug and the verdict was there. Guilty as charged. Stupid bug. So I plugged in the vermin electricutor and took a pencil and poked it to the bug. The sticky butt of the bug was stuck to the pencil.

I bet it could see revenge in my eyes. The end of the pencil got nearer and nearer to the blue light and to the wires that is flowing with furious electric waves. So I gave it a last wiggle and the bug was stucked between two electric wires. I turned away to switch on my computer to write about its painful death and my sweet revenge. After a while, there was a burnt smell coming from the electricutor and I know it is done.



Don't you dare mess with me, bug, don't you dare.
-Eva-

Elopement

Time draws near. There is this undeniable excitement that is brewing inside, like a pot of coffee the scent bitter yet in this time I smell nothing but the sweetness in the air. Though the dark clouds are ruining my day. The song keeps playing, skip this town for a little while, and off I am eloping with myself.

So there will be more time alone, with me and you and the words that's swimming inside of me. Bubbling up and bursting into songs of the seasons and at times singing out loud, sometimes with strength and courage, while other times in melancholy and romanticism. Most times with sacarsm and dry wit. Skip this town for a little while, and I wander and wonder if you will ever follow.

So I am leaving, it's an elopement. Of plain craziness and spotaniousity. So much spinning around me but I am in so much joy and faith. Until I see you again, until I see you again. Skip this town for a little while.



-va-

视而不见

I had learned to grow blind on things around me. Things I should not see. Like how he is making a dump and pulling her in. And how best friends are turning strange. And how that little girl is getting neglected. Probably that lady who is worried about her son too. And the people and things around you that drives you to think how foolish people live to be.

Why is he digging deep? Knowing these are plainly out of his selfish desires. Indeed no one can in anyway budge into his personal matters. And she is just running along with him. If Jane Austen is alive she would probably write about them in such ways as an example of social norm. A man with more flesh than brains, very much lack of good will and honorable intentions; and the woman foolish, with no indications in anyway whatsoever to protect her virtues, chastity and good name.

Nonetheless, ignorant and foolishness cannot be compared to cruelty and rudeness. With so much beautiful things being said, nothing is forever, isn't it true? Just as long as it disappears in a sweeter way, nothing can be of harm. Only people - the ladies especially, with no offence to my own gender - seems to have problems maintaining healthy lasting relationships. Rumours tends to come in between, and what more about womenly instinct which most of the time only happens to be inpractical assumption and in more unpleasant word, I would call it insultations. However, I am in no place to judge other's behaviour, who am I anyway? Just an incy wincy blogger who has just a little too much to say.

Oh and that young lady, yes... She is just so small. Not very well practiced in the ways of the world neither intelligent nor blooming in confidence. No one probably has told her how beautiful she is as herself and how wonderful a person she can be as she grows up. Anyhow, what more can anybody do, after all, no one cares enough to take up the burden of bringing up a bright charitable young lady, no one who fits anyway. Of course, it depends heavily on the person herself to know where to pick her role model. And she did, one who is giggly and girly, somewhat vain and not too bright. These things, we have nothing to do with, only for the society to slowly eliminate those inappropriate to survive. Unless you are able and willing to do the honor of raising some other people's child.

Well, I learn to grow blind, partially at least, just enough to abstain from inserting myself into other people's matters. All calamities and diseases of human defect, none of which I have the super ability to stop, though I may very well cushion the effect for these people, but I refuse to. Just like the cycle of economics and other things that are of the poor results of human nature, I choose to sit the best position and make the best out of the situations that I am in. A hermit, that's who I am.


-Eva-

Cross-post, no?

Okay, now I am seriously thinking if I should cross-post in my multiplt site as well or not. Since I only really care about this one. But there are still people who reads my posts from other channels, and other people actually includes MY DAD. How ler? How ler? I really love having more than one site, even though multiply's one is not exactly a site that I run.

And this is a new year. As in, new people, new non-female people, new conflicts, new whining posts. Most of which will not find flavour in Mr. Leong Sr.'s eyes. And people who I actually know and who are not of my age and people who you know, respect and stuff.

Blagghhhhh. Fine, I will convince myself somehow that dad already has:-
1. Forgot his multiply password.
2. Gave up reading my blog after my grumbles.
3. Even if he is still reading he'll pretend like he doesn't.
4. Totally respect my privacy because I am turning 20!
5. Somehow forget that his account in multiply exists at all.

I really love him, he's probably the sweetest dad anyone can have, it's just that everybody still have stuff they would prefer their parents to NOT know. Love you, dad. Really do.


Eva.