Saturday, January 5, 2008

the return

He doesn't know, he must not have known. that his return brought about mine. how could it be..did i not write as much when he was gone. no. perhaps not as real. i had not had this burden for some time. to pour out and write. while drunkenness in my mind. but you are going away..should this be the second last time i would see you again.

yes, i walk through the streets again. drove with my inadequate skills in hope of seeing you again. and wandered in places we've been. rejoice when Ian plan to have lunch in the same place we met before. in hope for a coincidence. i shall not be in want. the Lord is my shepherd. i shall not be in want.

i was sorry. i am sorry. and will always be sorry. for i do not possess the skill of conversing with calmness and grace with someone whom seem too much like a dream to me. of being rude and protective of taken into account too much advices. persuasion. it is not in my comfort that i had missed you. so too many times. and each time i would catch your stare. or at least know you had looked. and i had hidden. i am sorry. i must have hurt your feelings. or at least i had hurt mine.

i still watch you in silence and enjoy the moments of being invisible. my idiocy and stupidity in hope of staying that way..prayers. so i shall pray and wait upon the Lord. my wishes would be at least we can stay this way. somewhat intimate in a distanced way. without either of us noticing the presence of the other.

i assure you however that as much pain i had caused on you, it had been as much burden to me so. and every smile and your mere presence still mesmerise me. i will always and always treasure every moment of it. and rejoice in every prayer for you. thank you. for your return. and mine.



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