But what are you waiting for?
Deep breathe. I am opening the wound.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I am an idiot. A selfish, dumb, distracted jerk. For once I am not going to blame anything else. What do I have to lose anyway, I've probably ruin everything by now. I am so terribly sorry. I do not know what you saw in me, but I think I have probably lost it now. I am so sorry I left and I am so sorry you have to see me go away. I am sorry I have needed you so much, I am sorry I did not love you enough to protect you from my harm. I know I am a ticking time bomb that will one day turn my selfish back and try my best not to look back.
I miss the time when we can be together like old friends, even when I don't get your jokes and when you don't get mine. I miss the time when we can pick on the food we like to eat and make excuses to go out for lunch. I even miss the moments when they thought we are together and picked on us. I would like to go back to that moment.
I think I will like your shoulder to lean on and to talk to you a lot. But I cannot bring myself to say I love you or any mushy things that can be said. I don't want you to wait, I would like you to love somebody else. Someone who would actually love you back and bring you joy and shower you with her smiles. And yes I do get jealous even when I thought of those words that I am going to write.
No, I do not know what I feel, I think I just really like you.
-all the bad names you ever called me-