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Eva is writing a story! Yes~ A story story, like a novel. I started a few chinese novels but they kinda got stuck mainly because of the delay. So I'm trying again. This time it is very much unlike my normal taste and contents, but I do hope that you guys like it.

Please leave your comments to help me better develope the story and inform me of any grammatical errors. Just click under the Blog Label a.k.a Thoughts of Mind "Story-dream" to follow up on the story. I put it under its own category so that it won't get mixed up.

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A lady police detective found herself stalked by a mass murderer. After making her report, she realize the incompetent police force makes it a matter of time till it is her turn in the killer's list. Samantha Lewis, a headstrong young lady who got stranded into paranoia as a targeted victim of a skilled psychopath tries to run away from her predator, but the only route to survival, is to bring her very own fear down.

She had left the hands-on realistic task force for far too long to understand the lukewarm attitude of her colleagues. Would her passion -brought about by her desparation to survive - change the team, or is she facing her fatal nightmare, alone?




-writer-

slow =P

Of course we are slow, I don't blame anyone else. I just realize how slow I can be sometimes! Two whole days! That's how long it took for me to go whoopie over his return. It's almost as long as DHL takes to send my letter to New York! For two days I had been waking up late in the morning, had simple meals and watch too much TV. The happy hormons didn't even got pumped into my brains! Am I slow or what?!


Then it kicked in about just 5 minutes ago. I have no idea what hit me. It's just. "Whoopie~" He's coming home! And there was a leap in my tummy, we're going for movies, and I'll be seeing him on Sundays, and I hope he can make it for Fu's party. And he said I look lovely~ Wow... Ha..woa...


Then just as soon as it came it went away for a while, then it came back. I just can't help smiling. No matter how long we have to go, 2 years, or 4 years, I will always be happy to when I know he's coming home. Even if in the future, when I'm not around, I'll still pray for his mercy journey, home to see his family. And hopefully that would be the time when I can come home too.


Whatever it may be, he'll be a great joy to me. Even if we may only meet once a year, or we'll both be busy for the rest of the year. A simple conversation across the globe would bring me smiles and sunshine. Maybe I'll still be running this blog, crossing its five years birthday, still writing about all the small small things that I could not forget. I'll still go whoopie in whatever country I maybe studying then, in my own small room, in front of the laptop. Whoopie, he's going home, and I'll be home a few days before him or after him, anyhow, I'll be seeing him again.


I am just happy to hear from you again, and to see you again, do you know that? No matter it is five years or ten years away, I'm just glad that you will be back.








welcome home,
-white girl-

Thus the sun shines~

It was no good weather before this, my hair couldn't fall in the right place; the air in the room always gloomy and filled with sleepiness; I can hardly find a good show on the tv. Even my spiritual life was somewhat dull, I prayed for fresh fire. The divine led me to read the book of Job, a book which seemed so 'at the bottom', when all are lost. I would not have made it through without the slightest reminder from my Abbah Father.

I've always believed in miracles, sometimes half-heartedly, but I do believe. Of course, Daddy has been generous, like He always did. Thus the sun shines. He must have sent angels, smoothen my path, warmth my night and held my hand. We might have even dance together. He made the sunshine, bringing in mildest joy, in bits and pieces. Joy of family, friends, the word, the light, some achievement which he made possible, all these were not my work, but His, and He made them mine.

There's the joy of daddy waking me up in the morning, joy of deciding to really study in the library, joy of helping a stranger with the smallest effort, joy of being a good friend and sister and the joy of sharing this joy. God has made it possible.

And one thing that had been such grace, such change that I cannot describe. We met again, had small talk again, longer than usual. He must have been in a good mood. The conversation was so fluffy I can hardly imagine the real him saying it. We would both die from blushing if he did. So I prayed, that God would be the guidance in our relationship, be it friendship or whatever it may be. May God be the center of our focus, not one another. That's how it would last, in the purest love. Like those when the earth first began.

He spoke, thus the sun shines;

He tapped me on the shoulders, thus the sun shines;

He woke me up with His words, thus the sun shines;

He brought him into my life, thus the sun shines;

He clears my doubts, thus the sun shines;

He is my Father. Thus, the sunshine.

He smiled, he smiles, I smile; we love. Thus, the sunshines.

-va-

EEekk!!! No Lift, No Air, No Life!

So here I am, having an idle morning of my 1st day of study break. Ms. Tan from the main building woke me up to face the hard reality. I have never really plan a day, like one of those daily planning ladies with neat bun on the head and speak real stern and fast, but I have a plan for today, considering I made a to-do list in my mind.

1. Pick up my reference letter. [checked]

2. Hand it off to Mrs H for her signature. [.......]

3. Get Fu's birthday present off Gurney Plaza. [.......]

4. Get DHL to pick up my reference letter to send it off to New York [FAILED]

5. Write at least 1 history essay for revision. [.......]

6. Meet up with the night standers in the main, for revision. [.......]

Now, it's just 2.39 p.m., so I'm not a failure, yet. I ended up having a good home-cooked meal, watched a TV variety show and climbed up a dozen flights of stairs.

The first and the second is unexcusable because I am having a break now, whatever the reason they give us breaks for, it's still a break. Hehee... But the last, I blame IPG! - or PTPL!! - or whatever you wanna call it. And we thought it was bad enough to have elevators which practically attempt to murder college students by cutting them into halves or causing permanent head or bodily damage by kepit-ing them with great force, it wasn't. Bad enough, I mean. The elevators have to go on lift today. HA! Elevators go on lift! Nevermind me for laughing at my own joke.

I was climbing while wondering how Mrs. H had got to the sixth floor. She's about 70 years old, I think. Don't get me wrong I really respect her and sincerely adore her for all the trouble she went through to get my reference done with grace and great acknowledgement. I just can't help wondering all the way up the stairs if I should just turn back down because Mrs. H can't possibly be up in the sixth floor, with no elevator. She takes the elevator even when she just wants to go a floor above. Wow. Now, all of us are just victims of circumstances.

Sure enough when I got to the sixth floor, she was there. Sitting peacefully in her english class. Not panting or heaving in air or in any state other than graceful peace. WOW.

Anyway. I'm stuck in here, the Annexx B library, that is, till 4 p.m., that is when Mrs. H will finish her lessons with her class. And then I realize, that all the things that I listed in my post title. No lift, no air, no life. Haihs.

idle,

-va-

Oppss!

Oh no, I've lost my hotmail password. FOR REAL. I blame the fella who tried spamming people using my account. So now, I officially lost all of your respective emails. Please put your email addresses in my comment box so that I can re-add you guys in my windows live again.. Sorry for the big mess and haihs. Thanks. =/

All due respect

Haven't really post a casual post lately, just suddenly feel like being simple agan.. Life's been dry. Exams closing up on us. Finally, we are finally escaping from bad education. Leaving in such confused state, somehow more confused that when we first got in. We must have been really different. To have played truth or dare in the garden late at night, dancing on the grass and shouting to the highway like a bunch of drunkards.

I'd miss these days. Sometimes I think real hard, wondering if I could remember every detail like how I have left NS and forgot some parts of the beauty of a bunch of seventeen year old living together. All those chatroom conversation that make no sense. I would miss them. Of course I will, the great 7 of us. I think I barely studied these few days, but the other six really did some serious reading. Haha...

We shared our hidden self and some intimate details, what happened in the garden stays in the garden. It's amazing our friendship is just as pure and as sincere, with such great respect to one another. All being people of different background, come together at one blissful night, total spontanious. How many of these outbreaks can one have in a lifetime. I would not ask for much, one would be enough for the memory, a token of the process of growing up. Breaking up ourselves so to be able to grow more.

Growing up is no doubt painful. How else is one supposed to grow up unless we first allow ourselves to be broken. I still wonder the moment when we screamed into the night, was it a cry of desparate pain of breaking up ourselves. I surely do not think sober people would have expressed in such outrage. We shared a moment of metamorphosis. We cried and broke and grew.

I am just glad that we shared the moment of change. Despite anything that would come about in our lives, such different paths and futures, we grew, together.




7 Nightstanders!
-Va-

Dedicated to my dearest friends, Bi Wen, Andrew, Aanand, Francis, Gui Wei (Shang), Shaun.

Heaven Of Matches

There she is, in the snow, selling matches in the Christmas night. Her fingers turning purple from the cold, the layers of thin cloth is just not enough to give her the warmth she needs. Breathing out in vapour asking, almost begging for the people who rushes by, those who are late for their Christmas dinner. "Please buy a match, please..."

She can't go home, no, it would mean that she will get another beating from her father. They are just too poor, desparate. With no mother to turn to anymore, she need to sell off these matches in her rattan basket to get home. She shivers at the thought of the temper of her much drunken father.

Looking into the windows of the house just around the corner, a family is saying grace for the food blessed by the Saviour. A cheerful fire burning in the fireplace, puffing up gray thick smoke through the chimney above, a turkey lies beautifully done on the dinner table. It looks so real to her, as if she is in the picture too, with new warm clean clothes and hair curled up tidily into a half-bun.

The cold suddenly shook her. She needs warmth, wherever it may come from. With a swift and a twinch in her heart, she lit her first match, telling herself she would only use one, just one. The flames on the match starts to burn, the warmth overwhelms her, like a touch on her finger, she saw a fireplace of her own, burning just as cheerfully as the one she just saw. Craving for the warmth, but the match is dying out. It's getting further and smaller, and it is gone.

"No..NO....come back!", and she lit another one, a turkey starts to materialize in front of her, just as the fireplace, it got closer and she can even smell the warm delicious air, the brownish skin of the turkey shimmer in the flame of the match as if it had just winked to her. She smiles, taking in the hopeful fantasy. But her smile did not last the flame is growing weak, it can't be, she looked helplessly at the burning match. It's going away too...the air, the sight, the crave and her hopes.

Just one more, just one more, she tries to convince herself she just need another look into the things that she wants, she needs. The third match was lit. Laughter and voices of people talking starts swimming in the soft spark, they are here! All her families, they are here again, just like they had always been in Christmas. It is not even about the presents this time. She felt a painful joy to find love again, in this fantasized family. Even well before she can get over her grief, the faces starts to grow blurry, they are fading away too.

The sadness is drying her throat, tears starts welling up and finally burst forth and wet her cheek, desparation screaming in her; she doesn't care if they are real now. She cries out, "NOoo!! Don't leave me! Don't go!". She franticly reach for another match, lit it and a familiar face came into sight, the family was gone, the only one left now is just her mother. She heard a choking sob and almost collapse at the sight of her beautiful mother. She seems to try to speak out to the girl but the flame is getting weak, the purple fingers grabbed another bunch of matches and kept the flame burning. She is not letting her go this time, she can't bear to loose her again, her mother is her only hope.

The matches burned and the heat almost touches her fingers, she can't hold them anymore. She cries out, "Take me with you...take me with you..." and throws herself into her mother's arms. Her voice rang in the streets before it goes back to

its stillness again.

They found her body the next day, smiling, her hands are pink and they were curled up as if she was holding somebody's hand. She had left, in the arms of her mother, to the Heaven of matches.

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The Little Match-Seller", Hans Christian Andersen 1846.

Rewritten by,
me.

Letter to you..

Hey, *sign language*.

Hi, I think you should be home already. I hope you got home safely, took the same old night bus again? I am still not use to being here, almost too sad to have to leave the habit of waiting for your return..yes, from the lights that shine through your curtain. I could see it from my room, or sometimes from the balcony. It would be well enough to put me to sleep.

I'm really happy that you're home. Though I didn't have a too much of a good time, felt like I failed badly during the youth service. But Pam spoke to me. I think I just learned what God has been trying to say to me. That is probably why He keep telling me to read the book of Job, I would have been so unprepared if I had missed out on this call too. In everything, give thanks. So I would give thanks to God for teaching me to fail, once, for real. The fall made the rest of the day wonderful.

Oh yea, I played basketball with the boys and aunty Wen Er just now. Fu's getting real good at it, of course, we insisted that it's his height..lolz. Ah Li is not bad too, he just gotta work out more, hahaa, that lazy one. We played in INTI's court, the one that we've always played in, every Chinese New Year. I secretly think it is a tradition, that everyone would be home and we can do all sort of crazy things, and have dinner together after sweatin a whole lot. I don't think I would put this in if it is a real letter to you. It would have look so stupid but I enjoy every moment of writing it.

I still try to use the highway everytime I go home from the church, and would pretend to talk to you for a few seconds. Sometimes I just let the music playing from the radio do the talking, Pam thinks it's sweet that we wind down the window that day to say good morning to you.

Hope everything is well, and good morning to you. =)

Your friend,

me.

gibberish

I'm really happy, very much giddy. Among the butterflies in my stomach and puffy clouds in my mind, I think I feel some heartache and the feelings that can't be describe in words... I want you to go, the satisfaction of you in pursuing your dreams is the utmost happiness I can find in me. Knowing you are doing what you like to do drives me to go forth to achieve my ambitions. Somehow I find the faith to believe that we would be fine, just like how we are now. You will still be away working hard for your future, one that I hope I can share and I will be wherever I am to pray for you every night.

Dear Lord, please let him have all the joy and happiness, may he always find favour in Your eyes. Let him walk in Your way, according to Your will and always be faithful to You. Bless his family, though they may be far apart, let them always be in harmony and filled with love and care from one another. May You always be with him, every step that he takes. Thank you for Your blessing upon the man whom I care for. Amen.

Somewhere in me, a belief sparked, I believe that we would be like this, till a day when we shall meet again, it would be God's timing for us. For now, I will wait, in silent faith and prayer that you would always be fine, no matter where you are. May you find love.

A sense of sadness suddenly hit on me after I typed the last sentence. A loud pang on my head. May you find love. And the Father said, "I did not give you a spirit of fear," No matter how much I would hope for an assurance that never came, I shall have my trust upon you, upon God. That we will meet again, and we would be in better position to love and be loved. I will miss you, always. And so I will wait.



With love and prayer,
me.

爱君如梦

不准我讲请准我想像
梦到底比真实欢畅
别又何哀聚又何欢
相拥一刻梦不梦想

知得太多便换来失望
梦至少比醒来开朗
醉亦无伤累又何干
只想找一双手臂当床暂时让我躺

爱若是沉重
开心不过能做梦
就算超出可担当的体重
巴掌也都不痛
分手也都不痛
但掠过梦中亦会面红

爱字极沉重
因此只要能做梦
就算穿不起新衣都不冻
相恋要多英勇
分手有多苦痛
暂时就当我们都愚蠢
何必被猜中

我只记得
快乐如闪电
梦里摆一千场喜宴
要是明天再没明天
不必想起爱的缺点
不敢妄想被别人倾慕
但至少可真实一舞
美梦成真 美梦成假
不管真假举起了脚步
暂时未跌倒

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爱君如梦。




-无名-