Be strong

It was a typical expected good day. We were going into a big factory for some big business. This time, my friends were coming with me, my brother and my twin. It was like I say an expected good day. What could be better than 3 Christians working hand in hand, praising and encouraging each other every minute of the day?

It went uphill, good business, happy fellowship, lots of good Christian songs, more testimonies and people showing open doors to the gospel. Then it got better, great prayer time spent with God, getting a real fully paid salary and a nice dinner for the 2 darlings. Then it's caregroup time at night. One great ending that we share with our fellow members and encourage their growth. Then it was head home and rest for the next big day.

And the Devil has something instored. There's no way he could miss a big fall. Plans and schemes, so finely drafted, almost seamless. The moment the car was stagnent, the door locked, the handphone showed 7 miscalls by "Mom". This could be bad, but considering how great a day it was, no big stuff was expected. Non-heavy duty-hardcore weapon was estimated. Of course, the Devil saw that coming.

The news was not even anything directly affecting me, or my family, one 16 year old teen girl was killed in a gone-bad kidnap case. Mom was nervous so she made the call to check. I was sure those seven phone calls was made when I was driving home from church to Pam's and Pam's to home. It could hardly be 20 minutes. But dad was the one who was dead mad. It gave me a hard time that it has to be this to welcome me home.

But mom was not so happy either, the same thing that has prompted her to my persecution, it was doing it again. She did not know how to describe it, all she could say is abnormal and obsessed. She knew not how to explain it, she only looked disturbed. I am confident, whatever was disturbing her, it was not from God. Even as a request, her tone and her presentation of her request was not at all friendly, but very much hurting. As if she would rather not look at me, as if putting me at fault.

A friend told me, the company that my parents are working for, it was likely to face a close down. I felt weak. All these that I am having now, might be gone. Every single one. I am only certain that God will not be.

I realize no matter how great a day can turn out to be, this is still one of the best days in my life, because I lived it knowing God is with me, knowing the word and not the world. Seeking Him and none other than Him. But the Devil will always find a way. digging up things that will break your spirit.

One thing I find today, is that when God awakes my spirit, things become obvious. The guy down there become furious. They have a battle in ways that we cannot see, just like how Job landed in a battlefield, I walked into a battlefield, I might not see the full picture of the battle but I want to arm myself the best I can. Because I know it's either the Devil or God. I have to make a choice.

I admit that I am weak and I am not able, that I cannot do anything to change the things happening around me. But it is by God, and everytime I pray, it moves the hand of God, my prayer do the things my hands cannot do. He moves in a way I cannot see. He will make a way for me, He will make a way.




with faith,
Eva

My life for You

I am so glad that you found me, that my life is not lost, not in the world, not wandering. I don't really know what to say now, because what is in my mind is only to live my life for you. I know how people see us as impossible people, some thinks we are hypocrites, like those pharisees. But I don't want to judge people. Please help me to not judge people, because I don't have the right to do so. Help me to be humble and take away my "Holier than thou" attitude.

My life is for you, every moment, every breathe and every word. So please help me to do it right, just as you had. I trust that you have picked us to be different, I don't care if this difference is gonna drive the world to hate me. I would rather starve on the roadside and be a beggar than to live in the world that does not please you. Jabez prayed it, and I want to say the same thing too, I want blessings, please enlarge my territory, put your hands upon me and keep me away from the evil ones that they may not grieve me. And I would wrestle with you if I have to, even if it means giving up my physical things, to be lame after the battle like Jacob, I cannot live without you. I won't let you go, so please please keep me with you. The world is too much for me to bear it alone.

Only you, only you had done it and know the way, you are the way, your are the truth, and the life, you are my life. I am sorry that I have grieved you so many times. I am so sorry that I would even dare to feel far away from you when tempted. The truth is you are never far away, even before I pray, you know the desires of my heart. You see and hear and know me better than I know myself. As I grieved for my past, I know you grieve more. When I cry to you, I know you cried more. When I sacrifice to you, you sacrificed more. I would never ever find a man like you.

Help me to do so, as I pray I say I am not ready for any man, until I am ready for you. Because you are my man. I know you personally, and you understand me completely. I want to be with you, and until you would put him in my life, my left ring finger is for your ring. Keep me with you.

Keep me with you. I trust and I trust you.

A step refreshed

我们在天上的父，
愿人都尊你的名为上，
愿你的国度降临，
愿你的旨意行在地上，
如同行在天上，
我们日用的饮食，今日赐给我们。
免我们的债，
如同我们免了人的债。
不叫我们遇见试探；
救我们脱离凶恶。
因为国度，权柄，荣耀， 全是你的，
直到永远。阿们。

I would like to start this post with the Lord's Prayer. After such a long time not being here. To make a new beginning from the inside out. Inviting God to come in this place while other new post are going to be written. Realising that I cannot survive without the food for my spirit. How hungry and thristy. Helpless and weak. So to ask for the Holy Spirit to come and fill me again. And this time, hopefully, you too.



Eva

the rest of my life

It's confusing isn't it? This life, I mean. You love something so much one minute and you are so darn freaking annoyed by it the next. As if there is not enough stuff to confuse me, it just has to complicate itself by giving everything a good side and a bad side. Come on, how am I supposed to make decisions while bla bla bla can be good and bad in the same time and right and wrong at the same time. Then there are those philosophers. They woud ask you "What colour is this?", you say "White," and they say "What makes you think it is white?", you answer "I don't know, why don't cha try asking the other 50 millions people out there who are not colour blind?" Then they'll ignore your joke and say, "If everyone say it's black, then won't it be black then?". AHhh...That's a trick question. HA! I get it...I get it.

I'm babbling. 'Cause I'm insane. I said till further notice see? HAHA!!! No further notice YET!!! TEEHEE~



-coke addict-

Sleepyhead's Blissful Sleep

I went to church for a healing rally yesterday, after a long day at work, not to mention a sleepy one too. Fu could scarcely keep me awake by reminding me about...you know, my crush. And I could barely stay awake. The service was okay, by God's strength and anointing, the pastor spoke with might and his words was strong and loud. Amazing speaker, how can anyone possibly fall asleep in the presence of such a high-spirited speaker and in the sweet presence of the Holy Spirit.

Opps, I take back the last part, I mean, of course people can sleep in the sweet presence of the Holy Spirit. He followed me home and dwell near me while I routinely go online and chatted with some friends. When I became tired I went to the bed, still in my working clothes, I fell asleep. Mom came to switch of the lights, I opened my eyes to look at her but I just couldn't summon my body to sit up and go get cleaned up and all. The sleep just wash me over. Blissfulness, like squashy blankets and fluffy pillows, like songs of nymphs and sirens. Heavenly heavenly bliss.

I woke up at six in the morning, after my little nap and I drag myself to the bathroom, washed my face, the water felt fresh against the grease and sweat that covered me for such long hours. I showered in cold water, without turning the heater on. It was like the fresh streams from the waterfall, truly revitalising every part where the water sweep through. I saw mom who just woke up when I walked to my room, she almost wanted to give me a lecturer over my unhealthy habits but I just smiled blissfully at her.

After putting on some fresh clean clothes, I snuggle back into my still warm bed, between the soft sheets and all fluffy things, and sink into another blissful sleep. Till the sun shined in and I decided it is going to be a beautiful day.




-sleepyhead-

Notice

There is a fine line between insanity and intelligence above others. I have decided to go look for a short cut there. Eva will not be sane for the next few days. Brain closed till further notice.

-WHERE'S MY COKE?!-

How do you like me now?

I am nuts. If you guys haven't notice it by now, you are probably as dumb as a rock. Someone commented about Jessica Simpson, "Who cares if you are a dumb as a stone if u have those breasts." Indeed. But you don't. So you are probably as dumb as a rock and people should point and laugh at you.

HAHA!!!!!!!



-freak-

Isn't it true?

Isn't it true, that we came into this world alone and we are to walk alone and to finish it alone? After all, from whatever I've been through in these 19 long years, I have been alone anyway. No matter how many people would say "I've got your back." None of them have me all the time. No matter how sincere people are when they promise they would do their best to sustain a relationship, it never lasts. People still come and go. They still get new best buddies and treat you like any other normal acquaintances in the end.

Amazing isn't it, when we fall, we have to stand up by ourselves. No doubt there might be some good Samaritans who decide to give you a hand, the main strength that heave us up is still our own. No matter how many friends you have around you, it is still you who define your existence. Even though there must be thousands of great scientist running around, no one could ever understand your mind, thoughts and perspective so completely. However lost we might feel, the people around us are more confused about ourselves. Choices are made by the self, maybe encouraged by the others, but there is no one else to blame when mistakes happen, or when regret comes into view. Isn't it so? That we are alone anyway.

What happens when faith collides with your better sense of judgement? Is this a chance of breaking free or another temptation that is set up to trap the lost? Who would speak forth and take over the wheels and turn it around? Are we not alone?! Are we not alone! Are we not meant to be alone?!

Speak to me in the light of the dawn, mercy comes with the morning. I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me!



-soldier between two wars-

I will walk on water.

Listen to the song playing with this blog. I... will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall. Haven't I be just as lost? How long have I been in the storm, overwhelmed by the ocean and waves crashing over my head? He sings, if I could just see you, everything will be alright. I am lost, confused and very much overwhelmed. Silenced by the noise around me. He hath not bring me out to drown but still I feel like I am ten feet under and upside down. When barely surviving becomes a purpose, I know things might not go right.

What a peculiar line that follows. I will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall. I wonder if I would walk on water, have I have the faith of Peter to walk on the lake heading to Jesus? And if I do, will I fall? How could this be? That I am so unsure about myself, he sings "You will catch me if I fall..." how could this be? I am sure You will. The only thing I am so sure. You have did that a thousand times. No matter how deep how messy, you will catch me if I fall.

You have been with me every step of my life. Though I may not know of your presence. Side by side you have walked me through. If I could just see you, everything will be alright. I will get lost in your eyes and know everything will be alright. A love so different from others, so much plainer yet deep. If I could just see you... this darkness will turn to light.

I will walk on water, you will catch me if I fall. We will walk on together.



-water walker-

live green

1. Don't drive over 60km/h, it saves fuel and your money too.

2. Go dig in your closet, someone's trash maybe other's treasure. Maybe you'll find some old treasure yourself.

3. Switch to everything e, emails, e-shopping, e-newspaper, e-banking. Save paper. Save the world.

4. Start recycling cans and bottles, metal are getting expensive, maybe you can make an extra dime from it.

5. Kill the plastic bags. Bring a big spacey hand bag and throw a chick shopping bag in your car.

6. Go vegetarian, eat food from lower food chain. It saves the resources and some fat on your thigh, belly and butt.

7. Keep the old paper bags. Whatever they are for.

8. Don't make up if you don't have to, it's a waste of time, resource, water, tissue and it ruins your skin which leads you to using more make-ups and more waste. Trust me, nobody will look pretty when earth is simply ugly.

9. Trust in God, He puts you in position to take care of his creations. Exercise your authorities now.

10. Read my blog, it's more interesting than crappy magazines and save paper.

11. Forget to bring tissue out once in a while, you might not need them anyway.

12. Scoff at people who are killing the environment, they might be ashamed for once.

13. Skip the receipt, you're just gonna throw it away anyway.

14. Hug a tree, just because you can.

15. Don't wrap your books with plastic sheets, they are bound to get yellowish and fall apart anyway. Just do your part to keep it clean.

16. Recycle those batteries, old computers and electronics. It matters.

17. Plant a tree, or a plant. Put it in your toilet, mine cheers me up in the morning.

18. Turn down that air-con, it's about time we acknowledge that we live in a tropical country and no air-cons can cool this place down.

19. Make your home comfy, so you won't have a reason to go all the way out for a good environment and use up some fuel and cough up for pricey coffee.

20. Rewear your pajamas. They are clean.




-tree-hugger-