Departing from my used-to-be comfort zone. Where I used to live, a cocoon of dreams and thoughts, of wishes and empty hopes. The beauty of inexistent reality, the only thing that is permanant seems to be the changes...thoughts forever evovling just like rolling a snowball. Letting the new thoughts covering the old thoughts. More thoughts. Fantasy. A snowball of fantasy.
I still miss those days where I dreams off into the drunkenness and think thoughts. Ignorant of the reality is never close to dreams. I prefered the my mind's work of art than the paintings of this world. Smiling to my own works. How wonderfully stupid. Gone are those days. Seeing things I shouldn't see, hearing words shouldn't be said and so much growing up to do. I could not stay young, time did not stop, people couldn't help changing, this world refused to slow down.
Tired...so tired of the pace... oh it started again.. the twirling of earth. I'm just so worn out, by the late nights and being exile in a crowd. Nobody knew me. We never shared the same shoes. We did not shared the same air. Were we even present in the same space? They did not know me...me and my burdens. Me and my drunkenness. Me and the inner pain. Abnormal of me to cherish the pain. I cherish my pains.
Inability of dreaming anymore, a forced soberness and the compelling departure. I left. Killed myself. Witness my own death. The ending and the beginning. Here I am again. In this place, just as much a stranger as any other stranger to this town. With a lil backpack of clothes, my cellphone, a mp3 player, this laptop and another bunch of 1st times. I heard it is warm in the day and cool in the nights. Did my silent departure awaken your pain...no..no more wishes. I know it didn't. My relief, my pain...
I'm here but I'm not back. I'm eva but I'm not me. I'm the pain but it doesn't hurt anymore. I'm bitterness but no more envious. I'm beauty but I'm not gorgeous. I am dead but I took my breathe back. Who am I? No new name, none new identity, neither a new location or a strange town. I am me, but what makes me me? All I know is I left and but here I am.
My departure. Cherish my pain.