Wednesday, July 4, 2007


I used to live in an apartment by the sea. I would wake up really early, bathe and look down to the window that would light up after I finished changing, looked out to the dark sky from the balcony and said a silent prayer. Grabbed my breakfast and walk slowly out in the breeze on the gloomy cool road to where my school bus will arrive. Breathing in the air, soothingly cool.

I was never much of a good girl. I would simply sleep through classes even if it was my final year in high school. Girls' school had been like a savage community trapped in an old building, such real place, with all the people that you would meet in the real world. Some sincere and innocent, others tend to be just as practical and they are plainly the people that we meet everyday. Those who would have the basic instincts of protecting themselves first and those who seek they way bending though in between the people.

Exhausted of a day's thought, I let my thoughts slowly descend on the way home...the last few to go off from the bus. Lunches had alone. Napping in the living room to be awaken by the children laughter before evening comes. Strangers under one roof, I did not know many of my neighbours yet we spent days and weeks and months sharing the same air, savouring the same night sky, drinking in the similar serenity of this place.

Those nights are the nights that I missed the most. When I would sit on my bed beside the window, looking out to the view outside, thinking of thoughts that never became thoughts. People that walked in and out of the picture, those who stopped and others who rushed about. And of the beam though the curtains. When everybody else in the house went to bed, my inspiration would start flowing..of on-coming words that are beaded into strings of black pearls. Stripped of my thoughts and indulged in the drunkenness that crashed to me, my subconscious found ways to interpret my life. Voices of my heart to be put into words. Wonderful beautiful paintings word can paint. Colours of words...the black and white of words became multicolour as alphabets are being put into places like pieces of jigsaw puzzles.

Such a place where no words can describe, a place shared with thousand where I spent time with myself and myself alone. Chasing over the lights in the night, back to the basics of life. Please bring me back, help me find the door, bring me out of this coldness...

B block 5th floor... a place seemed to be the edge of the world...we shared the same nightsky, you and me. Where we shared the nightsky.

I found comfort in you.

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