happy, happy birthday.
-anonymous-
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
sistery love
This is what my sis did for me tru webcam just now...a kinda motivation for tomorrow's last exam...econs is very much hard work... and I am really grateful, honestly how many sisters would do cute stuff like that considering
she's wayy overage for that XD, but I love my kah che for that...she's more like a lil' sis sometimes. very manja...
I just printscreened everything and did a lil editing, putting all lil pieces into one. =) no worries it took less than 15mins, so I didn't exactly neglected my studies. XD
Love you che~
-va-
she's wayy overage for that XD, but I love my kah che for that...she's more like a lil' sis sometimes. very manja...
I just printscreened everything and did a lil editing, putting all lil pieces into one. =) no worries it took less than 15mins, so I didn't exactly neglected my studies. XDLove you che~
-va-
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
A detour into memories
I would not have address myself as romantic until someone reminded me of that earlier. I hate the cliche-ness in the word. But what then form the beauty in romanticizing about the past, the beauty and the memories.. If anything of the present time is folly and mortal, then am I wrong to think that the past would be exempted from time? It has passed time, thus immobile and eternal. History could not be changed, time made present temporary but he was not aware that he accidentally made the past eternal. careless, careless time.
It was probably after I start driving Pam home from Yan's when I accidentally ventured into the past again. Was it that time tried to punish me for the insulting remark, or was it mere accidental that I crossed over just as I always wished I can re-live those moments. Indolence and freedom. Warmth and emotions. Distance and the air. Night and the sweet touch of the wind from the nearby but out of sight dark sea. Lights that sparkled in distance and my immature side-parking skills.
I drove with the person that remained through the time and we did the things we would have done just as if we were in those days. They reconciled. Just like they did loved and the lights of their innocent hopes that they love and always will love. Through the ways and routes and streets and road, all of which we would travel, with voices and silences and soft music playing, just as they always could. The good-byes and good nights and the serenity of sisterhood.
I drove on the way just as I would, the way home, both old and new. And so at the junction I made an impulsive move, my driving skills instantly inadequate again and my nerves as young and anxious as I would be. pass the flyover overlooking the highways and lights and cars and my last night of independence days. Down and turned at the place which I once walked and drove and not noticed of and I parked my car at the space which the old me would consider good, with skills just as bad as I once had. I could not help smiling, though I did not know I've ventured through time, I thought it was too good, too close, too warm, to be true.
I walked in the street, dark and somewhat creepy, passed the guards all of whom seem somewhat sleepy. And so I walked and down near the pool and to the place where I would walk home through. My pace were light and soon turned slow, from the cheerfulness of a girl to the gentle press on the walkway. There it is, as it always had been, where I would look at from 5 floors above. Through that curtains which i would wonder and there came my words and mt thoughts. I looked briefly at the places it had been, my emotion, my inspiration, my idle days. A slight glimpse of disappoinment, could I have expected?
Then off home my feet steps, by the poolside and out again, into the streets and soon in my car and in a way I would drive, as my brother said, a naughty driver I am, off on the road I headed home. The old metal piece which swims, under the flickering lights like those shimmer in the streams. As I had not notice the way in, I ventured out in a way unnoticed. The turns and the curves, driving all alone, I finally got home.
I guess in this post you would not see a clear shadow of him, it is more of my detour than his. But I still somehow missed, the pieces and bits, those nights and my silly dreams.
-va-
It was probably after I start driving Pam home from Yan's when I accidentally ventured into the past again. Was it that time tried to punish me for the insulting remark, or was it mere accidental that I crossed over just as I always wished I can re-live those moments. Indolence and freedom. Warmth and emotions. Distance and the air. Night and the sweet touch of the wind from the nearby but out of sight dark sea. Lights that sparkled in distance and my immature side-parking skills.
I drove with the person that remained through the time and we did the things we would have done just as if we were in those days. They reconciled. Just like they did loved and the lights of their innocent hopes that they love and always will love. Through the ways and routes and streets and road, all of which we would travel, with voices and silences and soft music playing, just as they always could. The good-byes and good nights and the serenity of sisterhood.
I drove on the way just as I would, the way home, both old and new. And so at the junction I made an impulsive move, my driving skills instantly inadequate again and my nerves as young and anxious as I would be. pass the flyover overlooking the highways and lights and cars and my last night of independence days. Down and turned at the place which I once walked and drove and not noticed of and I parked my car at the space which the old me would consider good, with skills just as bad as I once had. I could not help smiling, though I did not know I've ventured through time, I thought it was too good, too close, too warm, to be true.
I walked in the street, dark and somewhat creepy, passed the guards all of whom seem somewhat sleepy. And so I walked and down near the pool and to the place where I would walk home through. My pace were light and soon turned slow, from the cheerfulness of a girl to the gentle press on the walkway. There it is, as it always had been, where I would look at from 5 floors above. Through that curtains which i would wonder and there came my words and mt thoughts. I looked briefly at the places it had been, my emotion, my inspiration, my idle days. A slight glimpse of disappoinment, could I have expected?
Then off home my feet steps, by the poolside and out again, into the streets and soon in my car and in a way I would drive, as my brother said, a naughty driver I am, off on the road I headed home. The old metal piece which swims, under the flickering lights like those shimmer in the streams. As I had not notice the way in, I ventured out in a way unnoticed. The turns and the curves, driving all alone, I finally got home.
I guess in this post you would not see a clear shadow of him, it is more of my detour than his. But I still somehow missed, the pieces and bits, those nights and my silly dreams.
-va-
intended intelligence ( I I )
I do not intend this post to be long. It is late and I am tired. Even if I may not be physically - as I'm not the eaily worn out type- my mental state simpy does not allow me to go too far in this post. I am still having my exams 2 1/2 down, 1 1/2 to go. Subjects, that is. Yes, I can still afford the luxury of naps and study only after 10 everyday, with in between chitter chattery and some food fight in facebook.
At first I wanted to blog about my detour and all those romantic stuff again. I guess it is the first time I would address myself to be romantic, probably more of the I-miss-the-old-days romantic and not the lovey dovey romantic too. These facts and history and statistic and quotes.
By the way, I just discovered that I can still do stuff in a highly efficient state even when my brain and body is in a semi-conscious status. I guess I discovered it in college's early classes. Since high school I was not able to be physically conscious before 10 in the morn. And even if I can manage, it would be temporary. I guess it really explains why I got a C for my biology paper in SPM. wow....biology seems so far away now. Anyhow, I still could take down notes and answer questions. I couldn't remember the details as well though. But I probably shouldn't ask too much too as my super memory system only work when I am in the mood, you know? which barely happen in high school but thank God, I am more interested in A levels than my 5th form text books. I guess all the time I was expecting that people are just as smart 'cause I rather thought intelligence is a choice and not a talent or hardwork or anything of that sort. People are just borned with it, common sense and basic general knowledge. I guess I musthave thought all the less smart people out there chose not to excercise their intelligent or something like that.
Okay, this post ended up as a pointless one, simple bragging about my tired lazy exam-y days...so I'm just gonna write another one, hope it would be as what I intended it to be.
-va-
At first I wanted to blog about my detour and all those romantic stuff again. I guess it is the first time I would address myself to be romantic, probably more of the I-miss-the-old-days romantic and not the lovey dovey romantic too. These facts and history and statistic and quotes.
By the way, I just discovered that I can still do stuff in a highly efficient state even when my brain and body is in a semi-conscious status. I guess I discovered it in college's early classes. Since high school I was not able to be physically conscious before 10 in the morn. And even if I can manage, it would be temporary. I guess it really explains why I got a C for my biology paper in SPM. wow....biology seems so far away now. Anyhow, I still could take down notes and answer questions. I couldn't remember the details as well though. But I probably shouldn't ask too much too as my super memory system only work when I am in the mood, you know? which barely happen in high school but thank God, I am more interested in A levels than my 5th form text books. I guess all the time I was expecting that people are just as smart 'cause I rather thought intelligence is a choice and not a talent or hardwork or anything of that sort. People are just borned with it, common sense and basic general knowledge. I guess I musthave thought all the less smart people out there chose not to excercise their intelligent or something like that.
Okay, this post ended up as a pointless one, simple bragging about my tired lazy exam-y days...so I'm just gonna write another one, hope it would be as what I intended it to be.
-va-
Thursday, September 6, 2007
confession of pain
After I sinned against God. I sat there, feeling hopeless and worn out...like a man going crazy, slowly losing my mind. Thinking how God would hate me. despise me.
He sat beside me, touched my hand, with a broken heart and said "Poor dear, what had the world done to you."
Suddenly I felt tired and beaten up.
He still loves me.
-retrieved-
He sat beside me, touched my hand, with a broken heart and said "Poor dear, what had the world done to you."
Suddenly I felt tired and beaten up.
He still loves me.
-retrieved-
Sunday, September 2, 2007
the real deal
a primary school mate added me in Friendster. no, nothing special. its normal that i failed to recognise her. i am never good with names and looks, esp new looks. it was exceptionally hard for me when i got transferred into a girl school in high school. everyone seems to have the same face and the same names. and for your information, it was a controlled school meaning girls with short hair, uniform and 60% of them wear glasses 'cause they had to handicap their eyes to get in.
back to my point, it was kinda hard, considering people love to use cutie names and some editted the photo so much their dog barks at it 'cause the dog have no idea that's its master/mistress. hmm...don't take it as an insult, 'cause it's not. i do agree that it is their right and of course if they desire to do so editting to flatter themselves is totally to their own interest and people like me, meaning not-so-beautiful people, have absolutely no stand in criticizing them. those oh-i'm-so-hot-i'm-sizzling photos, go ahead. go get 'em gurl~! mm..*cough*
at least it's better than getting a plastic surgery right? those computer effects, goodness, they can make you look like you just got a nose job and make ur skin look shades fairer. "Computer, computer, on my desk, who's the fairest of them all?" cute. and i know i totally have no right whatsoever to judge those who pop their eyes, pump those lips in the photos. yea yea, those peace sign and shhh...signs. hmm...its fine with me really. *choke on my own saliva*
well. err, i guess if people can't afford real jewellery they can, erm, you know, stick a crown thingy from the clip-arts and put it in their pics. who can blame those people, come'on. diamonds are a girl's best friend, ain't it? even those computer, erm, pixelize ones. Oh yea, and those blinking lights and Japanese words that no one in their friendlist understand, they're totally cool to me. honestly. it's an...an...erm...a culture exchange thingy, isn't it?
Oh and honestly if one looks so bad, or you simply have self esteem so low you can't bear looking at your own photo or to share it with the rest of the world, you can simply google-image one of those famous hotties/honeys/hunks photo and put it in your profile instead. No worries man, we understand. we gotcha back.
nuff said. XD
-va-
back to my point, it was kinda hard, considering people love to use cutie names and some editted the photo so much their dog barks at it 'cause the dog have no idea that's its master/mistress. hmm...don't take it as an insult, 'cause it's not. i do agree that it is their right and of course if they desire to do so editting to flatter themselves is totally to their own interest and people like me, meaning not-so-beautiful people, have absolutely no stand in criticizing them. those oh-i'm-so-hot-i'm-sizzling photos, go ahead. go get 'em gurl~! mm..*cough*
at least it's better than getting a plastic surgery right? those computer effects, goodness, they can make you look like you just got a nose job and make ur skin look shades fairer. "Computer, computer, on my desk, who's the fairest of them all?" cute. and i know i totally have no right whatsoever to judge those who pop their eyes, pump those lips in the photos. yea yea, those peace sign and shhh...signs. hmm...its fine with me really. *choke on my own saliva*
well. err, i guess if people can't afford real jewellery they can, erm, you know, stick a crown thingy from the clip-arts and put it in their pics. who can blame those people, come'on. diamonds are a girl's best friend, ain't it? even those computer, erm, pixelize ones. Oh yea, and those blinking lights and Japanese words that no one in their friendlist understand, they're totally cool to me. honestly. it's an...an...erm...a culture exchange thingy, isn't it?
Oh and honestly if one looks so bad, or you simply have self esteem so low you can't bear looking at your own photo or to share it with the rest of the world, you can simply google-image one of those famous hotties/honeys/hunks photo and put it in your profile instead. No worries man, we understand. we gotcha back.
nuff said. XD
-va-
Thursday, August 30, 2007
i've been here.
looking back into this year make my future seems unclear. all along, i have been here. with all the words and the lil' pictures, everything around me changes. but i have just stayed here. and in the morning i will wake up and to see that the sun still shines and the day is so clear, with a lil' wind and a lil' noise from the fountain next door. and i, i choose to stay here.
if ever i knew anyone my words would make all the difference, i...would i choose it to be so? or is this the best my words can make out of me. through these years we say we all learned and the process and the steps and gained something dear, but haven't we all stayed in the same place. Reciting the same conversations, replaying the same roles. or is it just i, i who stayed here...
As the seasons are made for change, our livestimes are made for years, could i, can i choose my way to stay here, as i am, content with everything that i have. do i..am i...will i be just as contended. with people leaving and ever changing. what am i doing staying here. waiting..simply waiting just for the moment. to feel and finally have the guts to leave here.
da da da...and who so will bring me away from here..or i, i would leave here alone.
-va-
simply crappin'
if ever i knew anyone my words would make all the difference, i...would i choose it to be so? or is this the best my words can make out of me. through these years we say we all learned and the process and the steps and gained something dear, but haven't we all stayed in the same place. Reciting the same conversations, replaying the same roles. or is it just i, i who stayed here...
As the seasons are made for change, our livestimes are made for years, could i, can i choose my way to stay here, as i am, content with everything that i have. do i..am i...will i be just as contended. with people leaving and ever changing. what am i doing staying here. waiting..simply waiting just for the moment. to feel and finally have the guts to leave here.
da da da...and who so will bring me away from here..or i, i would leave here alone.
-va-
simply crappin'
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
=) hows life
"Life is unpredictable...Short...full of excitement but it is very sensitive and vulnerable ..wont last long ...life never work in counter clockwise...all in all life is too much to describe and define."
"Life is beautiful, even when it's sad...can be fast n peaceful in the same time. It can work counter clockwise if only u wanna make it happen..life is too much to take if you take it alone."
Life is pretty much different for everyone. But in every passing persons, you see shadows of life. There's always a structure in every lives. Of the beginning, the growth, the confusion, the breakdowns and the resurrection. of the time, the space and the end.
Life is temporariness. Life is permanent. Everything will come and go before your mind can register. Yet how could my mind remember those that went so fast I could not register. life is detailed and yes, i agree, vulnerable. breakeble. Life is protective. Though some are not protective enough to keep you from hurting but life does not allow you to be tortured for eternity. Is that why it is so short and so lenghthy in the same time?
Life is the air, the wind, the water and the nature. with the footsteps on the sand and the writings in the journals. Life is forgettable. now, forget me.
-va-
"Life is beautiful, even when it's sad...can be fast n peaceful in the same time. It can work counter clockwise if only u wanna make it happen..life is too much to take if you take it alone."
Life is pretty much different for everyone. But in every passing persons, you see shadows of life. There's always a structure in every lives. Of the beginning, the growth, the confusion, the breakdowns and the resurrection. of the time, the space and the end.
Life is temporariness. Life is permanent. Everything will come and go before your mind can register. Yet how could my mind remember those that went so fast I could not register. life is detailed and yes, i agree, vulnerable. breakeble. Life is protective. Though some are not protective enough to keep you from hurting but life does not allow you to be tortured for eternity. Is that why it is so short and so lenghthy in the same time?
Life is the air, the wind, the water and the nature. with the footsteps on the sand and the writings in the journals. Life is forgettable. now, forget me.
-va-
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Dangerous thoughts
It is indeed a dangerous thing to let a youngster sit there, doing nothing and let his/her thoughts run wild. Just as I did. Idleness. It was so probably the meal from KFC that triggered my long asleep thoughts. How watery the whipped potato had become that reminds me of my college mates. We complaint about everything. Yes, literally everything.
Well, what else do you expect of law students? Our lecturer said we are aware of our rights and so we make noises and stuff. Sometimes I do think it is plain the joy of making other people's life miserable. Or to view it from a consumer's point of view, we are trying to make sure they keep up the standards.
And so all these suddenly reminds me of my mom's client who complainted to her that there's a sucker lawyer in Weld Quay (pronounced as W-ell k-EE). And how when my mom's client went to ask for some paperwork 'cause he changed his mind about hiring that lawyer to represent him in a real estate case, the lawyer's clerk refused to give it to him so easily. And so he said the lawyer sucks. And my brain suddenly reminded me how grateful should that lawyer be to his clerk. 'Cause if the clerk gave in right away, mom's client would be "Even the clerk sucks, can't even protect his/her boss now, can he/she?"
So that was till I realize I am insulting a potential profession of mine and then it hit me that all of the professions nowadays are being to put blame for the nature of human mistakes. How we as beings are helpless in making mistakes and how we can't help but repeating it after we just recover from the last one.
And soon, how great n wonderful that we always get the forgiveness if we can humble down and ask for it. How it is given in such grace. No matter how bad we still feel inside, we know that that someone had already take us back again, washed our wounds and we will soon be living the life afresh. ready for another challege knowing we would never fall from the same mistake again.
-va-
Well, what else do you expect of law students? Our lecturer said we are aware of our rights and so we make noises and stuff. Sometimes I do think it is plain the joy of making other people's life miserable. Or to view it from a consumer's point of view, we are trying to make sure they keep up the standards.
And so all these suddenly reminds me of my mom's client who complainted to her that there's a sucker lawyer in Weld Quay (pronounced as W-ell k-EE). And how when my mom's client went to ask for some paperwork 'cause he changed his mind about hiring that lawyer to represent him in a real estate case, the lawyer's clerk refused to give it to him so easily. And so he said the lawyer sucks. And my brain suddenly reminded me how grateful should that lawyer be to his clerk. 'Cause if the clerk gave in right away, mom's client would be "Even the clerk sucks, can't even protect his/her boss now, can he/she?"
So that was till I realize I am insulting a potential profession of mine and then it hit me that all of the professions nowadays are being to put blame for the nature of human mistakes. How we as beings are helpless in making mistakes and how we can't help but repeating it after we just recover from the last one.
And soon, how great n wonderful that we always get the forgiveness if we can humble down and ask for it. How it is given in such grace. No matter how bad we still feel inside, we know that that someone had already take us back again, washed our wounds and we will soon be living the life afresh. ready for another challege knowing we would never fall from the same mistake again.
-va-
Sunday, August 5, 2007
the feeling of loss
such long empty time since the departure... and the soundless arrival. what've happen in between? The normal day hectics, a few on going songs playing, the continuous seeking the face of the Lord and yes, God's grace...the joy He brought, the tears and laughter, the only one that I can express myself fully to...admitted my foolishness, placing my burdens...pouring my heart.
how can I put this in words... how should I pour it out right here? my loss..my loss in stringing words. He's leaving. Ignorance...my ignorance stopped me from knowing so..over the years, drawing distance in between us. creating emptiness. pursuing silence. my stupidity...those miles apart, was it just a trailer leading finally to our movie... should have known so.
A joke...yes a joke that reveals my ignorance. of me placing myself in the cocoon of my dreams. fantasy. It would have been better if there weren't any in the first place..or would it had been worse if it had not been any. the happiness in the hope gave me... it is enough for me to take the fall willingly, endure the distance, wait in his silence.. a fickle of smile, an one-word message. I've forgone my dignity, my intelligence, my rationality, my understanding. what is life without love? what is life without hope?
distance...i have suddenly decided to wait on the distance..such courage can only come from innocence. will this be the last time i let my random insanity overrule my senses. the hope. all this while I clinged on his existent...this distance. please break my hope. I could not stop. call it my wild dreams. say it's just a rush of mindlessness. tell me this is not happenning...bring me back to before knowing him.
so many times I pondered. what do I want out of this... as I speak, I wonder...will I be more cheerful if this portion can be eliminated from me.. ignorance is bliss...or is ignorance anotther excuse I made for myself. where am I now. caught again in the middle of this mess I made. my thoughts, let it swirl around me. consume me. dissolve me. break me. free me.
uncontrollable tears...
Half a globe apart. can I wait on you... wait on the Lord. Let this be a time of serenity. stay in this place waiting until my license to depart. I've missed you...
-va-
how can I put this in words... how should I pour it out right here? my loss..my loss in stringing words. He's leaving. Ignorance...my ignorance stopped me from knowing so..over the years, drawing distance in between us. creating emptiness. pursuing silence. my stupidity...those miles apart, was it just a trailer leading finally to our movie... should have known so.
A joke...yes a joke that reveals my ignorance. of me placing myself in the cocoon of my dreams. fantasy. It would have been better if there weren't any in the first place..or would it had been worse if it had not been any. the happiness in the hope gave me... it is enough for me to take the fall willingly, endure the distance, wait in his silence.. a fickle of smile, an one-word message. I've forgone my dignity, my intelligence, my rationality, my understanding. what is life without love? what is life without hope?
distance...i have suddenly decided to wait on the distance..such courage can only come from innocence. will this be the last time i let my random insanity overrule my senses. the hope. all this while I clinged on his existent...this distance. please break my hope. I could not stop. call it my wild dreams. say it's just a rush of mindlessness. tell me this is not happenning...bring me back to before knowing him.
so many times I pondered. what do I want out of this... as I speak, I wonder...will I be more cheerful if this portion can be eliminated from me.. ignorance is bliss...or is ignorance anotther excuse I made for myself. where am I now. caught again in the middle of this mess I made. my thoughts, let it swirl around me. consume me. dissolve me. break me. free me.
uncontrollable tears...
Half a globe apart. can I wait on you... wait on the Lord. Let this be a time of serenity. stay in this place waiting until my license to depart. I've missed you...
-va-
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