Eva's guide to Friendship

Ello all, I've been hiding from blogging since my DAD went online and read my blog and gave me a lecture about it. Anyhow, my blogging cells are bubbling up so here's something for you reader. First of all, this is supposed to be an open journal of mine. By "journal" I mean diary, as in PERSONAL diary. It is written to express myself simply because I am a super genius and things that runs in my head can kill me if I don't output it right. And don't judge me on stuff I write or say or post, because, YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE READING THIS ANYWAY, BUSYBODIES.

See? Get what I mean when I say things in my brain can kill me. Healthy output blogging is.
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Tadaa. After my fair share of bad friendship with people with personality that would stink the whole Penang Island if personality have a smell, I decided to write this blog. It is neither scientifically proved, advised by professionals, shown in certified reports nor biblical. Follow it if you want but I am not responsible for the outcome and you may clap, scream, yell, laugh, curse happily if you think any of these hit the spot. Thank you.

Tips on people stuff.

#1
Acknowledge that you do not need friends, and you are comfortable being alone and most importantly, being yourself. Life is beautiful as it is and friends (good ones) only here to compliment it. You will not die or in anyway suffer misery if you are lack of them.

#2
Make more acquaintances as friends comes from acquaintances. Knowing more people means you have more prospects for friends. Give yourself time to know them and stop at the level of acquaintance if you ever find them as unsuitable friends material.

#3
Don't ever assume people are faking it around you. Yes people do that sometimes but can't you just think the best of people around you?! Anyway, only people who fakes it often will ALWAYS think other people are faking it also. So when you ask someone how is he/she doing, take his/her answer as it is and swallow down your inner cry of wanting to say "don't fake it darling." Lol, because, come on, you are the one with the problem.

#4
Accept compliments gracefully, if your parents had been incapable of teaching you how to thank people when people praise you OR you have been temporary deaf when you parents did, let me have the honour of reminding you to say a hearty thank you when people say nice things about you. By "hearty", it means say it with your heart, not saying thank you and having an inner war of how to accept it.

#5
Say sorry ONLY WHEN YOU MEAN IT. And its best that situations when apologies is need to be avoid. NOT generated. And sorry means you sincerely feel inapropriate to have did that something and you admit that it is wrongfully done even if it is for a better cause, emphasizing on the wrongfully done part. NOT the "I said it out of love part." It suck to the max when you say you did it out of love and all other people see if disrespect.

um this is supposed to be longer but most my blog posts doesn't really turn out 100% the way I want them to anyway. I find better pleasure in chatting with my sis now, so more later, if I still feel like it. Ciao ciao, nosy peekers.

All in all

Wonders isn't it. It must have been months since I really wanted to leave. Why do I wanted to leave anyway? I don't think anyone would wanna leave if it would involve some slamming doors, angry faces and a couple of months full of stress and complaints. So I don't really like the people around me. So I want to leave this mess once in a while.



What makes anyone think reminding you of what your life away from home is gonna be like is gonna help to cushion the punch? And your responsibilities and every history of bad clashes resulting from your different personality from your sister who is gonna be your room mate for the next three years. Yes, I have my fears, and nothing is making anything better. So I am trying to cope with leaving, my friends, my home, my family, the neighbourhood that I hardly know anyone, and the college that I hated and complained about every freakin' bad day. But how could anyone think it's not hard on me.



Scary isn't it, to even think that your friends are gonna move on with or without you, probably some other girl who are not even similar to you is gonna take your place,wherever you have been. So it doesn't last. Big deal, but why would anyone think it would make it any easier on me.



So I wanna take a month break from my job, from pleasing my parents, from whatever mess I've been through. Yes I'm leaving, I'm leaving, I'm leaving it's true. It has happened before, nobody notice then, and probably nobody will notice this time too. Yes, it involves some tears, some yelling screaming, some lonely times. Nothing has made me think that this time is not gonna be the same.



Please please give me a break. I just need to make through my day.



-away-

Pulling a half all-nighter

Aikes...even though I'm taking a one-month break from my job in December, I still feel so guilty 'cause I couldn't wake up just now until my parents have to leave me at home and let me sleep in. Ish...haha.. *guilt eats up Eva* ahhh~~

Spent the whole night making the gigantaur dice for Live Size Snake & Ladder this Sunday. Anyway this is the fruit that I spent the whole night doing, but still not all done yet..probably gonna continue later tonight. I should really stop staying up late..abo then I fail my medical check-up then will have to bid farewell to my further education liao. T-T wuah...seriously.

Oh yea. My room looked like crap so I cropped off parts of the pictures that might ruin my reputation. HAHA. Anyway..pictures!!!

Leftover low cost materials.

The box was so darn *&^%&#@ ugly so I had to paint it white.

Trying my best to protect my parquet floor...

Half done results. Nice leh...can imagine the ending results liao leh..

Sambil make dice, sambil chatting... Haha... qualified multitasker. *applause*

*drumrolls*

TADAA~ Nicelerh. Yes, I am a supergenius. [Insert evil laughter here.]

-Eva-

Eva *hearts* Joshua

Yes. Eva is no more single and available. Haha~ meet my boyfriend!!! Joshua Chan has officially stolen my heart. He is FIVE years old and AGE IS JUST A NUMBER.

Guess what Joshua was on the news, which I found the online version as well. It's no big news but he's the little guy sitting on his daddy's lap in the 2nd photo on the right column. With grandpa Chan and my brothers-in-law.

Joshua on news

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Eva: Joshua, I want to go home already. Bye bye.

*Joshua pecks Eva on the cheek*

*Eva hugs Joshua*

Joshua: kiss me lah~!

*Eva pecks Joshua on the cheek*

...10 minutes later...

Joshua: Daddy~!!! Eva kissed me!

Hahahaha *pengsan*

Joshua: Bye bye Eva!!!

Eva: Bye bye Joshua!!!

1, 2, 3!

*Kiss*

*Blow*

*Catch*

*Keeps in the pocket*

~Eva~

Isaiah 40:31

They who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.

They will soar on the wings as eagles;

they shall run and not be weary,

they shall walk and not faint.

Teach me, Lord.

Teach me, Lord...to wait.

Yes, things changed.

Wow...it seems like it had been quite a while since I am stuck in this kind of mood, you know, the weird drunken mode when I write stuff that me myself barely understand. Okay, it's a lie, I understand everything I write quite well. Haha..it's just that it sound much better to say that I don't.

Yep, big deal. Things changed. I haven't been saying good morning to the guy that lives near the highway. I guess it was just awkward, you know, it's just like you have been stuck in that same situation with that same guy then you both decided, yea, maybe we should just give it a try. AND, nope, it didn't happen. It's obvious and um, it's just so clear. Like in movies, when the one of the character will says, "We both know it's not working.." and means it.

Then there is the thing about me leaving soon. No more big beautiful house, no more blogging midnight looking at the bridge or the big old tree outside, no more driving home alone in my gorgeous '97 Audi in the highway, no more beach parties with the crazy guys. And hello to another romantic scenery in my life. I guess writing makes all the things around us romantic. Like where I will be going. The place itself is romantic even without the writing, it's just that it fits very well to the plot of my life time story in this blog. That is if you have been following it since day one.

There will be trees, a gorgeous english house, a glass patio, a garden, a university, a place with autumn and winter with snow, a cozy room, some books, a few nights when I will be pulling all-nighter studying hard, a long walk to school... you know. And why wouldn't I be happy. Everything's well planned.

Yea, I should be happy, shouldn't I?

I guess it's just me who is struggling with that question.



-Eva-

Seek First -A love letter.

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
-Matthew 6:33

What a verse to live by, look at how wonderfully it was written. All things shall be added... God's way is just so simple. Seek Him first, says He. As long as we dwell in His presence, love Him, follow and obey Him. Submit to Him as a living sacrifice, all the things of our desires will be added to us. Added. ADDED. It means there is more! Added to you, as long as you seek Him first, He will grant you blessings and anointing PLUS the desires of you heart!

How wonderfully written. And why not? Why shouldn't we seek Him? There's no reasons valid for that! He is the Saviour, MY PERSONAL Saviour. It means if it is ONLY ME who needs salvation, He would come for me the same way too. Just as glorious, making just as big the sacrifice. You saved my life, took away my sins and shame and all the pain. You have overcome all these mess that I should be in. You have seen me through all my days. Everyday. How could I not love You and adore You. There is no words to compare to what has been done and You love for me. I love and love and love You. And it is the least I can do, to live my life for You.



-Eva, life, You gave me Life.-

Lifesong

When he sings "Let my lifesong sings to You." I thought about my lifesong. Under such circumstances...

It would be a war-cry.
It would be a heartiful yell of a soldier before war.
It would bring tear and strength in the same time.
It would be like tearing apart and rebuilding at once.
It would be a yelp with such unknown painful joy.
It would be like a desparation.
It would call upon help.
It would summon thunders and rain.
It would shower the dried soil with fresh stream water.
It would flow into the hearts of others.
It would awake the spirit of a church.
It would release warriors and angelic hosts.
It would be a prayer without words.
It would be a child's cry for the Father.
It would be a lover's call to the Other.
It would be an embrace forever remembered.
It would bring me and You closer.
It is something that I want to do.

Let my lifesong sings to You.



With love,
Eva

I have decided to write about God

I have decided to write about God. Because there is nothing in the world worth writing anymore. People who disappoints and things that doesn't work out the way they should. Finally coming back into realising that only God surpasses all understanding. That He is ever there, ever present. And He is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Not one less or not one less important than another. I believe everything that You say. Everything in the Bible. I place my trust in God alone. For people fail, I fail but God will never fail.

I have decided to write about God. Because I am weak, helpless and lost. No one can lead me through this twirl but God. It is amazing to realise once again that life is not in control, not in my control, that plan changes, dreams evolves, fear creeps in, people leave, situations break down. And we human can only do so much. I place my trust in God alone. For He gives me peace.

I have decided to write about God. Even though no one sees or hear. Because His presence is very much real. That nothing can snatch those memories away from me. That touch, the tears, the burning fire, and our intimate encounter. The laughters and joy that He brought into my life. I would have never know, feel, see or hear so wonderful things if He had not came into my life. Ignorance is not bliss. Knowing Jesus is bliss.

I have decided to write about God. Because even if He decided to stop His blessing, He has blessed me more than I deserve. If ever He calls, I will answer to it, because I cannot say no to the one who saved my life, my lover, brother, father, master and friend. That my life is His, I would sing, dance, shout for joy, talk, walk and live for Him alone. And He said, nothing can snatch you out of my hands.

I have decided to write about God, follow Him, love Him, trust Him all the days of my life.




-Eva-

Days of rain and tears.

So I was sad. Because revival is coming. And revival is like war, with waves of bombardment, strategies, sacrifices, spies and hidden enemies, criticsm, unknown emotional outrages, physical, emotional and spiritual attacks. Just like those hawks in the war would do whatever they have to to get the things that they want. Things are happening around here. And when they do, we get caught by surprise.

Of course we were like those rookie soldiers when it started, crying for blood and yelling for land, we're gonna crush those like maggots, they have no idea who they're up against. I was pointing fingers and laughing at those who are to oppose us. It was great, tasting the first fruit of victory, those mud, sand, rain and the split blood of the enemies on our beaten bodies. There's no denying that we had some bad wounds from that, but nothing major.

Then like those nasty parts in war movies, it hit me. Storms and thunders, they came like waves of bombardment in Vietnam, nasty, real nasty. And the terrible part about it is that it is nothing too physical. It's like they're trying to play some sneaky mind games with us. Who's the bad guy, when's the next attack, some real bad insults, some real bad temptations, a few slaps in the face, some more naming and shaming, trying to break the troops, you know, nothing that they're never tried before. Old tricks worked just fine for them.

The grief was bad. I didn't even know why I'm crying. Bad sobs, like those people who choke when they cry. Tears just couldn't stop. Images flashes in your eyes. Sometimes good ones, some times it's just plain raw fear. Good ones when I thought of the victorious war, the glory that went to the country, when we can call up the rain and the sunshine, when He brought us through, He keep reminding me how great He has been to me. How much has been invested into my life that now we can be warriors, so proud and standing upright with good ammu and guns and bombs. When He put those stripes on our sleeves and the solluting with some awesome army coolness. The bad when the fear creeps in. Those lil' things out there are still trying to hit us. We have to be so cautious and keep our sore eyes open wide. We don't know who's the next one on their list. Who is the next one they're gonna use against us. Who are they trying to send away. Which one is the next to be forced away and be lost.

Then it came the big one. I might be the next one. I don't even know what make me think that way. It's not like anything you can see or hear or anything physical. It's plain raw fear. And the grief. The sore heart and beaten spirit suddenly become so heavy like we've been in war for years but it's just not ending. Those heavy load are the same but it seems like it's getting heavier. I would just cry, not knowing what I'm crying for. It's worse than normal sadness. That's why they call it depression. Grief, nothing more. You don't know what cause it. It's just tears.

It's like the rain, dark skies grey. We don't know where it comes from, or when will it end, sometimes it goes on for so long we even forgot when did it start. And we get so numb that we don't know anything about it but it just sad to see it rain. And I was just about to be drowned by the grief and the rain.




Then I see the rainbow, and I'm ready for war again.


-Eva-