.once in a blue moon.

it's been a quite awhile since the last time it poured like just now...the time between afternoon and the evening. i think it is one of the beautiful time of day, the time between afternoon and the evening. probably because it rained. and it was the rain that made the sky grey...not the painful grey. just grey. and if it hadn't rain like then, the moon tonight would not be so clear in view either. clear, to say that we can see that the curved star is hanging low, though it remained covered, like in a soft white veil. a fine and thin veil.

and though the way home i just couldn't help looking out to see, a rather cool night. a li'l chilly though not enough to cause any annoyance in discomfort. i couldn't care less about this weather out there, it made no matter to me. just as in many ways, a lot of things made no matter to me. and me to them. there's probably a drop of dew forming on a leaf somewhere. no matter. just as there is probably a drop of tear forming somewhere. and so it did not matter either. so none is so uncommon to be not negligible.

didn't it all not matter? yes, none is so uncommon, drops of dew and defined details of life, time, growth and everything within its realm. every second of moments and tick of time, does everything not move or change or grow or shrink or live or die or evolve or be different than the circumstance of the last second? doesn't the frequency of its changes, random or not, been so much of a habit that it is not uncommon enough to be noticed. to comment that these are too little to be taken into thoughts is not too arrogant of me to be spoken of.

but didn't all these details made up the picture? the dewdrops and the sorrow so shallow to be noticed of, the slight dimness in the colour of the sky and remaining visual of fast moving objects and the beam of street lights and the tiny silhoutte of the sitting in the balcony. i guess somehow they must've been collected in such quiet way that when it has been put together all these bits made up the colours and emotions and temperature and feeling, the gentleness the wind and the lights and the lightness of the burdens of emotions.

just as much were there to be noticed, most haven't seen it. and much were there to be thought of, most chose not to. in life, it has enough to be too much to absorb and our limitations only allows us to take into account a part of everything. shall many choose the beauty of others, shall few choose its details. shall we ignore the details and shall you overview. me. shall we cherish the beauty and shall this moment be remembered. as it is. once in a blue moon.


-va-

eyes on me

now listening to: faye wong - eyes on me

whenever I am half sober and half down...trying to indulge in the smokiness and temporariness again. this song just suit the thoughts so well...whenever sang my song, on the stage, on my own. Just as I write these words, as lightly as a song, in an empty stage with those distanced lights as my audience and all alone again. while her story goes back into time, a brief acquaintanceship, haven't us been as brief...every post seems to be the last.tracing steps in the mist of blurry time.

And so you were, and you still are, just as distanced and just as close, as though we had reached an understanding and a safe distance that it seemed to be a stop. perhaps a slow pace. so slow that it is negligible of even the evidence is non-existent. Both just as numb of time and circumstances. Though seeking..probably something similar but our paths would not cross and the pavement in front just as brief, as we were, we are, and we are to be. such casualness that I mistaken it as my fantasy.

Perhaps it was...his shadow so light against the faded walls and his voice ringing soft. no matter the distance. every bit had been and would stay a fantasy. so unsure. just as my knowledge of him is too abstract to be the evidence of his existent. thus...assuming myself a dreamer. perhaps a Bedlam creature.

whenever sang my songs. on the stage, on my own. whenever said my words. wishing they would be heard. I saw you smiling at me. was it real or just my fantasy. you'd always be there in the corner. of this tiny little bar. my last night here for you. same old songs, just once more. my last night here with you? maybe yes, maybe no. I kind of liked it your way. how you shyly placed your eyes on me...

Oh, did you ever know? that I had mine on you....


-va-

Days unmarked

You know...it's just one of those days that goes unnoticed. Blurry classes where you are so sick that you can hardly remember a quarter of what the lecturer is blabbing about and all your notes are plain useless. It's bad enough that you have to go through one of those..only lately, all my days are like those..unmarked. unnoticed. unmeaningful. Even though the exam is significantly closer, I've been wasting my time off like nobody's business.

Been to the clinic twice...having my second bottle of cough syrup and sleeping through time and dozing off in classes..I wish the lecturers would snap at me or something...I really need some sparks to keep me uptight. Whine it up or whatever you peeps wanna call it. I want to be fed up with myself but I just can't. It's like people keep telling it's okay 'cause I'm sick, I need rest. I know it's rubbish, A levels is coming soon and I can't afford every second that I spend on sleeping. Come on! Haven't I already seen my results in the mock exam?! It's just plain bad, I've never done so bad in every subject! I wouldat least get a really good one in high school and whatever I got was clearly not a 'good one'. Yea, our whole class sucked. It doesn't mean I have to be as bad too! ARGH!!!!

Okay,I guess I just gave myself a really good reason to start...just hope that it's not too late till my exam starts...crap, I don't even remember the date I'm taking my exams.


-va-
frustrated

va the sicky

I woke up yesterday and the first thing that registered was..."ouch, my throat." There's probably nothing worse than waking up in the beginning of the week to find yourself half mute and half dead. I blame nobody... honestly, I deserve it and so far the price I need to pay for my happy weekend is still pretty much worth it...right? Argh..


Well anyway...it started since Monday and I guessed it was just one of those durr-ness when I have too little sleep since the sleepover. So I took it for granted, not for long though. Thank God my Tuesday classes have 3 and a half hours between so I took 3 of my college mates and drove all the way back to Bayan Baru...and to repay my kindness Wei Ling said she thinks I go all the way back just because the doctor look cute.. -.-"


I wouldn't deny that the doc actually look better than other Ah Pek doctors but it's totally not that. I just like the clinic so much! lol...really..y'know, it's like, the clinic has such nice decor with those squashy couch and a fridge full of Yakult and very near to my old condo, which I still have a thing for... I just can't help romanticizing about my past, you can't hold me guilty for that.


Anyway, I took those medications for a couple of days already but I still have stuffy nose and really dry skin 'cause the medication is hoarding all the moisture in my body...and water really doesn't taste that good when your mouth is all bittery. And of course, nobody wants to get those sarcastic remarks from Mrs. Hathia due to the frequency of restroom-going. Did I mention that my lips are cracking too..it's painful.. T.T


I guess all these still can't stop me from going to class, except that I had been a much better patient than a student, so I would take my medicines even if I'm going to class. Do note that I take the cough syrup too...which is kinda working on me now...*blurred* The real miracle isn't even about me driving safely all the way to and fro college, it's that I still can copy notes and answer questions. Even myself was kinda surprise when I realize that was what I was doing, copying notes and answering questions, I mean.


Urgh...I really can't go on for long or I'd probably be too weak to even change into my pajamas. Lovie y'all. Sorry if you got infected from me. If you're not, do try to avoid me, it's contagious.*

bittery stuff...

.medicine at my bedside.

diagnosis

cough syrup...almost finish in 2 days...how did I drive home?!

What the doc gotta say, what va had to pay...-.-"

-va the sicky-

the Secret

Leaf (Ye Xiang Lun) tactfully captured the hearts of many...

the Secret's poster...

The Secret poster II

It's been quite awhile since I fall in love with a movie like that... it's simply impressive..heart-warming and the ending is just too unexpected. I really want to write a review on it..but either it's my health or just the lack of inspiration...

A beauty...the movie is a beauty..I have to give Jay Chou the credit, he must had put a lot of thought into that movie..every scene, every word, every note, every expression has a story of its own and all these lil pieces put together to give us a secret so warm and such fascination.

To watch and really feel it at the first time is my pride, though it seems a bit confusing to others, the ending seems to shine light on every missing puzzle. To most of us, it's easy to understand the beauty of the story and to appreciate every note and every second of the movie, as if it would not be complete if we had left the room before it ends. I am still learning to not be bias of Jay Chou and learn to understand his arts.

-va-

to life

thankie =)

Girls' Nite In - My 1st ever slumber party

I guess it must be kinda funny 'cause it's the first time I have my girl friends over for sleepover. I mean, I've shared rooms before, in camps and stuff but it is the first time I have my friends over... =) Pammie always wanted to do this since like 2 years ago...lol. Only the time did not allow until we found a great reason to finally get a real slumber party. But...I am not sure if you call it a slumber party or a sleepover 'cause we honestly didn't do much of sleeping nor did we slumber for that long.

It was lots of fun, really, we watched a super nice movie which we all screamed hell lot and had pizza and chips. The Secret was the best movie that you would wanna watch with your girlfriends in sleepovers even though the subtitle sucked as much as Shrek 3's subtitles on my birthday, no matter...it's good that my banana girlfriends managed to finish watching actually screamed and laugh at the joke. How cool was that?! XD With those skills, I guess my earlier judgement on Jay Chou is somewhat biased...hmm...=)

Oh and we had this really tiring 'photo session'...er...I mean, I should've saw it coming. Nobody, I repeat, NOBODY can ever escape one of those with my dear Pam Pam around. Especially with her new handphone...we pretty much had to. But hey, we gotta take some for memories sake. And we would grow old as twins and sisters and one day we would look back at the bashful Shuang Ling, cheery Sera, outta control Pammie and awkward me one day..*deep sigh* nothing beats a sisterhood like that.

The best thing about sleepovers aren't even about the sleeping part. It's the chatty part. Girls have to chat.. If we don't, we'll go to our Father much sooner than the guys. If you think it's unrealistic and childish of us then you might have established your prejudice too early, girls' thoughts maybe as deep as any guy's but it's crucial for us to share. I guess it is too much for some to take...fragile. We are made strong because of our bonds. If not strong..at least helped us to survive those miserable days. A hug and a few words would be enough..simple enough. It's your presence that matters. =) But do remember, promises are made to be kept.

Hmm..I do love having you girls around...it's soo..soo...erm...sleepy! XD neh, it was the one of the best parts of sleepovers. The super random acts and chitter-chattery. It's all laugh and giggles and tears and hugs and comfort and sisterhood. Ooo..we should really do it again sometime...*starry eyes* and funny funny Pam refused to sleep...doink...hahhhahahaaaa yoiiii...Loveee uuu laaa Pammmm~~~

BUT..it's kinda expected that we would all wake up late the next day...me being totally glued to my blankie...more like super-glued to it...XD XD XD LOL....But we managed to get to church for music practice - which is the initial excuse that we have to sleepover so that we won't be late the next day - of course we did managed..kind of. Muahahahaa...sorry Fu...Oh yea, I was really wobbly on heels...probably because it was the combination of the lack of sleep and my un-skillfulness on walking in heels. hahaa~~

Well...I don't wanna hang out too long around here, gotta get some recovery sleep...will get the pictures up soon though..after some editting =). Love y'all *huggies*

-va-

to time

happy, happy birthday.

-anonymous-

sistery love

This is what my sis did for me tru webcam just now...a kinda motivation for tomorrow's last exam...econs is very much hard work... and I am really grateful, honestly how many sisters would do cute stuff like that considering

she's wayy overage for that XD, but I love my kah che for that...she's more like a lil' sis sometimes. very manja...



I just printscreened everything and did a lil editing, putting all lil pieces into one. =) no worries it took less than 15mins, so I didn't exactly neglected my studies. XD

Love you che~


-va-

A detour into memories

I would not have address myself as romantic until someone reminded me of that earlier. I hate the cliche-ness in the word. But what then form the beauty in romanticizing about the past, the beauty and the memories.. If anything of the present time is folly and mortal, then am I wrong to think that the past would be exempted from time? It has passed time, thus immobile and eternal. History could not be changed, time made present temporary but he was not aware that he accidentally made the past eternal. careless, careless time.

It was probably after I start driving Pam home from Yan's when I accidentally ventured into the past again. Was it that time tried to punish me for the insulting remark, or was it mere accidental that I crossed over just as I always wished I can re-live those moments. Indolence and freedom. Warmth and emotions. Distance and the air. Night and the sweet touch of the wind from the nearby but out of sight dark sea. Lights that sparkled in distance and my immature side-parking skills.

I drove with the person that remained through the time and we did the things we would have done just as if we were in those days. They reconciled. Just like they did loved and the lights of their innocent hopes that they love and always will love. Through the ways and routes and streets and road, all of which we would travel, with voices and silences and soft music playing, just as they always could. The good-byes and good nights and the serenity of sisterhood.

I drove on the way just as I would, the way home, both old and new. And so at the junction I made an impulsive move, my driving skills instantly inadequate again and my nerves as young and anxious as I would be. pass the flyover overlooking the highways and lights and cars and my last night of independence days. Down and turned at the place which I once walked and drove and not noticed of and I parked my car at the space which the old me would consider good, with skills just as bad as I once had. I could not help smiling, though I did not know I've ventured through time, I thought it was too good, too close, too warm, to be true.

I walked in the street, dark and somewhat creepy, passed the guards all of whom seem somewhat sleepy. And so I walked and down near the pool and to the place where I would walk home through. My pace were light and soon turned slow, from the cheerfulness of a girl to the gentle press on the walkway. There it is, as it always had been, where I would look at from 5 floors above. Through that curtains which i would wonder and there came my words and mt thoughts. I looked briefly at the places it had been, my emotion, my inspiration, my idle days. A slight glimpse of disappoinment, could I have expected?

Then off home my feet steps, by the poolside and out again, into the streets and soon in my car and in a way I would drive, as my brother said, a naughty driver I am, off on the road I headed home. The old metal piece which swims, under the flickering lights like those shimmer in the streams. As I had not notice the way in, I ventured out in a way unnoticed. The turns and the curves, driving all alone, I finally got home.

I guess in this post you would not see a clear shadow of him, it is more of my detour than his. But I still somehow missed, the pieces and bits, those nights and my silly dreams.


-va-