You know what's the good thing about now? Now as in, I have 2 assignments due on Thursday, one skill test tomorrow and 2 more assignments due next week and err..wait wait...ar correct de and 2 more due end of this month, which is the week after. So gai rght. Oh yea and my scholarship form. Daddy please don't read this thing. ARGHH~
Good thing is I have no time. NO TIME NO TIME. So no time for homesickness, no time to think about all the touchy feely lovey dovey, no time to even dig a hole and bury myself inside. So why am I here? Because I have no time mah. Er.. yea. That's why I am here. Nothing to justify that one. Now everyday is like I'm sucking in this whole new uni air. Since I have to walk to school, so I guess I must have sucked in a lot. The air, you know, like bunch of people rushing between classes AND when you don't have class, rush to the library or computer lab to get the work typed out. The air. Yes. Incredible.
Talk about walking, hmm...I'm gonna go take a look at a secondhand bike tomorrow, hopefully I can buy it and start cycling to school so I can sleep in for another 5 minutes or so. Which also reminds me, daddy said he is sending a package of my stuff over, which includes a bicycle helmet. And I think it takes at least 2 weeks. Crap buy liao cannot use. *drool*
ARGH. What's wrong with all these stupid crawlies. We get so may of them around the house. Especially flies, one of those fellas got into the bathroom with me when I was bathing. If I have more time I will do the same thing to that pitiful little brainless DEAD bug who tried to bite me before chinese new year back in Malaysia. Hmph...they don't know who they are messing with. Which reminds me again, even if they do, they won't care less because I have no time to kill them.
Crap. Signing off now. Skill test calling my name liao.
-No time to type my name here la-
Monday, March 16, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
非诚勿扰
Autumn has come and I am still stuck in summer, somehow unwilling to tear myself away from all that has been happening before. The weather finally releasing its unkindness, parallel to the guilty conscience burried within me. Seeing the things around me, looking at the things to realise that I had been so selfish. When I thought all was about me, that things evolve around me, and not the other way round.
It brings fear to me. That I may be just as selfish right here, right now. Leaving with such courage that I finally mustered, regardless of wherever it came from, hollow or not, refusing to fall back on anything and so unwilling to even prepare some form of safety net. I did not expect you. I did not expect you. I really didn't.
Yes I do secretly want a lot of things, greed for some luxuries that I cannot afford. Like a person to stand beside me, perhaps a shoulder, or just the mere presence and some clingy-ness. I cannot afford any of them. It does mean a lot when you came and be so kind to me. But I cannot take it from you, I don't want to take advantage of you, occupying your thoughts, your time and your space. If anything, I just want you to be happy, to be of less worry, especially of me. You should be doing great things and doing fun things, not spending time with me.
You ask me if you should wait...if I want you to wait. Selfishly, yes, I want you to wait, to be there for me, who would want their special someone who be strolling off somewhere but I cannot promise you anything, I can barely give you anything. The last thing I want is for this to get worse. Yes, I would like to have you in my winter, share some secrets with you, be around and be nice to you, I won't mind sharing my space with you, staying up late to hear you talk...but these I can't afford.
So we are somehow lost but not so lost. Thus we spend our time together in prayer, and knowing each other. So we will learn and grow and wait. That's the sweetest thing, we will wait.
It brings fear to me. That I may be just as selfish right here, right now. Leaving with such courage that I finally mustered, regardless of wherever it came from, hollow or not, refusing to fall back on anything and so unwilling to even prepare some form of safety net. I did not expect you. I did not expect you. I really didn't.
Yes I do secretly want a lot of things, greed for some luxuries that I cannot afford. Like a person to stand beside me, perhaps a shoulder, or just the mere presence and some clingy-ness. I cannot afford any of them. It does mean a lot when you came and be so kind to me. But I cannot take it from you, I don't want to take advantage of you, occupying your thoughts, your time and your space. If anything, I just want you to be happy, to be of less worry, especially of me. You should be doing great things and doing fun things, not spending time with me.
You ask me if you should wait...if I want you to wait. Selfishly, yes, I want you to wait, to be there for me, who would want their special someone who be strolling off somewhere but I cannot promise you anything, I can barely give you anything. The last thing I want is for this to get worse. Yes, I would like to have you in my winter, share some secrets with you, be around and be nice to you, I won't mind sharing my space with you, staying up late to hear you talk...but these I can't afford.
So we are somehow lost but not so lost. Thus we spend our time together in prayer, and knowing each other. So we will learn and grow and wait. That's the sweetest thing, we will wait.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Back at me
Painful irony. I used to laugh at people for all of their misfortune and everything that comes in exactly at the worst timing. Not at any person particularly, probably just the sacarcsm of event. How things that evolve around us play a silly embarassing joke back at us, and how human turns out to be so helpless and dumb founded. Who knows that somehow it would turn its target on me. Not so funny now isn't it. Actually it still is, and not for the first time I found myself smiling painfully at my reflection.
What a strange place this is. What strange circumstances am I in. There is just so much things that I might have do them in such different way. I do wonder if it is the environment that push me to such an extend that I have no control and choice, or is it just me giving in to the helplessness that crawls in. Yes, I am uncontrollably emotional at times, it is not easy at all to be at a foreign piece of land with nothing familiar with you. Not one piece of my life feels in place with these people and places. No name rings a bell, no voice that tempt me to turn around to see and certainly no place there is that I can call home.
What am I doing here? Why am I even here? I should be at home. These changes and sceneries and people and places and every bit of strange detail is making things so complicated. Why do people say things and feel things and want things so foreign and weird?! What is wrong with me...
I want home...I just want to go home.
What a strange place this is. What strange circumstances am I in. There is just so much things that I might have do them in such different way. I do wonder if it is the environment that push me to such an extend that I have no control and choice, or is it just me giving in to the helplessness that crawls in. Yes, I am uncontrollably emotional at times, it is not easy at all to be at a foreign piece of land with nothing familiar with you. Not one piece of my life feels in place with these people and places. No name rings a bell, no voice that tempt me to turn around to see and certainly no place there is that I can call home.
What am I doing here? Why am I even here? I should be at home. These changes and sceneries and people and places and every bit of strange detail is making things so complicated. Why do people say things and feel things and want things so foreign and weird?! What is wrong with me...
I want home...I just want to go home.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Life here, right now
You know what.. when I finally get to sign in to my private accounts in facebook and my blog and all other wesites that I am familiar with, there is one slight moment when I feel like I am back at home, but then the door opened and closed and some random uni students walk in...reminding me I am not. Thousands miles away from home. I tend to have a weird thought that I have really good recovery system and great protection mechanism in me, get what I mean? Like if I fall down, I don't get the painful feeling for such a long time, and until the pain finally sinks in I am already recovered almost at least 60%. Yea, crap isn't it.
The thing is it's just 2 weeks since I left home, and I am already thinking about planning to go home at the end of this year. I mean, it is february and I am planning november stuff. I don't think the part about leaving my A4 at home even registered in my brain. I know leaving Joshua definitely made a mark somewhere...but I am already anticipating seeing him again, like it is only a day away till I can go home. Anyhow, life in New Zealand is not too bad. My days are practically filled with going to uni, walking, chores, television and proud to say reading chapters of the Bible each day. Though I still can't find any church as vibrant or a church that I can be as "at home with" as TOG, one thing I know for sure is that God has never left me. He has been with me, on the plane, carrying overweight luggages and while I was stumbling all the way to New Zealand.
I miss home. There is no denial of it. Every piece of reminder can practically draw tears to my eyes, like when the sing How Great Is Our God in church last sunday, I was battling tears down my throat. And I keep missing Joshua, the little guy who bring smiles to me even though we have the least means of communication. I know there are years to go, I will have to come back and finish my studies...but I have always have this determination so deeply within me, that this is a journey, I will walk through it in such courage, finish it with grace and go home, bringing pride to all those who are waiting for me. I am just so sure that I will go home, that is the thing that I think about everyday when I walk from home to school and school to home.
Wait for me, will you? I will be home in awhile.
buckets of tears and misses,
vava
The thing is it's just 2 weeks since I left home, and I am already thinking about planning to go home at the end of this year. I mean, it is february and I am planning november stuff. I don't think the part about leaving my A4 at home even registered in my brain. I know leaving Joshua definitely made a mark somewhere...but I am already anticipating seeing him again, like it is only a day away till I can go home. Anyhow, life in New Zealand is not too bad. My days are practically filled with going to uni, walking, chores, television and proud to say reading chapters of the Bible each day. Though I still can't find any church as vibrant or a church that I can be as "at home with" as TOG, one thing I know for sure is that God has never left me. He has been with me, on the plane, carrying overweight luggages and while I was stumbling all the way to New Zealand.
I miss home. There is no denial of it. Every piece of reminder can practically draw tears to my eyes, like when the sing How Great Is Our God in church last sunday, I was battling tears down my throat. And I keep missing Joshua, the little guy who bring smiles to me even though we have the least means of communication. I know there are years to go, I will have to come back and finish my studies...but I have always have this determination so deeply within me, that this is a journey, I will walk through it in such courage, finish it with grace and go home, bringing pride to all those who are waiting for me. I am just so sure that I will go home, that is the thing that I think about everyday when I walk from home to school and school to home.
Wait for me, will you? I will be home in awhile.
buckets of tears and misses,
vava
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Ministry of Food
For those who don't already know, I am a fan of Jamie Oliver. He is just that kind of person whom you see in TV and feels like you have known him all your life from watching his show. Anyhow, I think he's a great person.
Hmm...so how does this relate to the ministry of food. Ministry of food is a temporary ministry set up by the British government during the Second World War, their main duties being rationing food. So, what they did is more than distributing potatoes and bread. The ministry actually go to the extend of distributing recipes on preparing edible healthy yummy food from the limited resources for the English households. Impressive isn't it?
So what is happening in our world right now? Losing wetlands, clean drinking water, farming land and even the ocean to pollution is bigger a problem than most of us are aware of. If Jesus doesn't come back for another 50 years, some serious amount of people will be dying out of hunger, thirst and diseases caused by the lack of food, water and other resources that are keeping our ungrateful butts alive. No land, no ocean, no clean water resources, no unpolluted farm land means no output of agriculture, no food, no drinking water, no water for daily use, no wood for furniture, no feathers for pillows, no leather for couch...look around you, how many of the things around you are made of the resources that we are polluting? Make a list and shock yourselves.
Though what we can do is not really that much related to Jamie's Ministry of Food as he is promoting for families and people to cook proper meals. However, let's look at it this way, if we can cook our own meals, it means to me that we can have a better control of ration of food, allocation of expenses, cut down the use of take out food containers, the costs and resources needed to go to the diners. I know my explanation is not good enough to convince people who save up resources but it does mean something if only we make an effort to just save a bit of energy and resources we have each day.
I suddenly believe in rationing everything we spend, and things we use. It does leads to a big sum of number. The voltage we are saving by decreasing the use of an electrical equipment from each household of the nation. The water we are saving by turning the tap off while brushing teeth everyday accumilated in a year. It does matters if we could all just take one step to save the creations or whatever that are left.
Think green. Suck it up and save some resources, people.
With lots of love,
Eva
Hmm...so how does this relate to the ministry of food. Ministry of food is a temporary ministry set up by the British government during the Second World War, their main duties being rationing food. So, what they did is more than distributing potatoes and bread. The ministry actually go to the extend of distributing recipes on preparing edible healthy yummy food from the limited resources for the English households. Impressive isn't it?
So what is happening in our world right now? Losing wetlands, clean drinking water, farming land and even the ocean to pollution is bigger a problem than most of us are aware of. If Jesus doesn't come back for another 50 years, some serious amount of people will be dying out of hunger, thirst and diseases caused by the lack of food, water and other resources that are keeping our ungrateful butts alive. No land, no ocean, no clean water resources, no unpolluted farm land means no output of agriculture, no food, no drinking water, no water for daily use, no wood for furniture, no feathers for pillows, no leather for couch...look around you, how many of the things around you are made of the resources that we are polluting? Make a list and shock yourselves.
Though what we can do is not really that much related to Jamie's Ministry of Food as he is promoting for families and people to cook proper meals. However, let's look at it this way, if we can cook our own meals, it means to me that we can have a better control of ration of food, allocation of expenses, cut down the use of take out food containers, the costs and resources needed to go to the diners. I know my explanation is not good enough to convince people who save up resources but it does mean something if only we make an effort to just save a bit of energy and resources we have each day.
I suddenly believe in rationing everything we spend, and things we use. It does leads to a big sum of number. The voltage we are saving by decreasing the use of an electrical equipment from each household of the nation. The water we are saving by turning the tap off while brushing teeth everyday accumilated in a year. It does matters if we could all just take one step to save the creations or whatever that are left.
Think green. Suck it up and save some resources, people.
With lots of love,
Eva
Friday, February 6, 2009
Introducing Plastic's Half Brother
It is called Polystyrene. Sounds familiar? Yes, it is typically white in color, comes in the forms of disposable coffee cups and packaging material, and are made of expanded polystyrene beads.
It seems to be highly convenient to use them and throw them away right after you are done with your take-out food or coffee and tea but do you know that polystyrene beads are actually loose molecules that break off easily, meaning as your plastic spoon scratches the surface of your polystyrene rice box, molecules of polystyrene beads come off and stick to your spoon. So, you eat them along with your rice or noodles and whatever other stuff that goes in your mouth. And no, human cannot digest plastics, they stay in your body until you die, and decompose so much later than your corpse does. Fantastic, isn't it?
Polystyrene that survives from your lunch which is then discarded does not biodegrade and is resistance to photolysis. It floats on water and blows in the wind. In other words, you drink them and breathe them in. Other than that, they are a major part of marine debris, meaning fishes, prawns and crabs which do not know better, eat them and we eat the seafood. Yum.
.......................................................................................................................................
What I'm trying to say here is that it's not cool to hold a cuppa drink or a plate of food in polystyrene anymore. It grosses people off that you are contributing to the murder of mother earth and somehow, yourself, being a part of this world. Do your part, bring your own cup for coffee and reusable food containers for take out food. Think green. Not polystyrene.
Hugging a tree,
Eva
Sunday, February 1, 2009
The Weird Connection
I just made a freakish ingenius discovery about myself, that is my weight and immune system seems to have a magically connection. Yea yea, I know they talk about it all the time, and I read them from everywhere. It's probably my fever that makes me think it's such a big deal.
You see, it's like the self-adjust thingy in economics. When Eva's healthy and happy, she eats all kind of stuff, yummy stuff...and she keeps going and going like nothing can stop her, so she gains that little bump on the tummy. Little does she know, those things are corrupting her immune system. So, she falls sick, like now, and lose her cheerful appetite. Therefore, her high metabolism eats on the extra fat she gain as her back bouncing recovery takes place at the same time. Thus, Eva finds herself slim and healthy again. And the circle continues.
Haha...how wonderful. Opps..hehe...It's the fever again. I really should go get some rest and fight off this drowsy heaty fever. Ditto.
Take care, babies,
Eva
You see, it's like the self-adjust thingy in economics. When Eva's healthy and happy, she eats all kind of stuff, yummy stuff...and she keeps going and going like nothing can stop her, so she gains that little bump on the tummy. Little does she know, those things are corrupting her immune system. So, she falls sick, like now, and lose her cheerful appetite. Therefore, her high metabolism eats on the extra fat she gain as her back bouncing recovery takes place at the same time. Thus, Eva finds herself slim and healthy again. And the circle continues.
Haha...how wonderful. Opps..hehe...It's the fever again. I really should go get some rest and fight off this drowsy heaty fever. Ditto.
Take care, babies,
Eva
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Love unconditionally
I just figured this out in bed. Beside me was my cousins, the people whom I grew up with running around the village in grandma's house, the place where we got lost and I started crying and they all cried along. I realised that I so love them, and it surpassses the diferences after we grew up. No matter what we are doing now, what we will be doing in the future. When we are together we are just a bunch kids who laugh out so loud its almost vulgar.
I can't even see the time that we might grow old and be too business like. I guess beyond the things that, we have the bunch of "dude, where's my car" blurrness in us, and we shared oh so many memories that are impossible to share with other people.
I love you guys. Let's do the sleepover thing more often. LOL.
Gong Hei Fatt Choi,
Wa wa
I can't even see the time that we might grow old and be too business like. I guess beyond the things that, we have the bunch of "dude, where's my car" blurrness in us, and we shared oh so many memories that are impossible to share with other people.
I love you guys. Let's do the sleepover thing more often. LOL.
Gong Hei Fatt Choi,
Wa wa
Monday, January 26, 2009
My New Year Wishes
My buddies has been singing the song all I want for Christmas just now, so that song kind of stuck in my head. How I wish I can complete the sentence as well, like all I want for this new year is...
But the thing is, I don't know how to put it in words. How am I supposed to say my wishes is actually for a fairly good year even though I have no idea how to judge if it is good or bad since I am leaving and there are so many things left unsure. Yes, I'll be leaving for study. Yes, it can be temporary. And yes, as much as the percentage of it being temporary, the percentage of staying there for a possible career is just as high. No, I won't be gone for full three years, there will be breaks. Yes, the breaks are usually 2 to 3 months long and no, I am not sure if I will be back for all 3 months every year. Yes, I am ready to go off, and no, I am not sure if I am 100% mentally and emotionally ready. Yes, I am taking an interesting course. But no, I have not had any in depth classes on my majors. Yes, I do have a handful of people whom I will dearly miss. No, I am not sure if our relationship will stay that way.
I know I am greedy, and if you want me to list down the things I want for new year I won't miss out listing in a PSP, iPhone with 3G and a designer bag. But above those things that I am not sure if I can get, I think I just want a good year. A generally good year. That it goes smooth sailing. Even though I am so unsure, one thing I can be sure is that, there's a person who knows better, and even before I am there He is already there waiting for me to do the leap of faith.
Turning impossible to I M Possible with His strength,
Eva
But the thing is, I don't know how to put it in words. How am I supposed to say my wishes is actually for a fairly good year even though I have no idea how to judge if it is good or bad since I am leaving and there are so many things left unsure. Yes, I'll be leaving for study. Yes, it can be temporary. And yes, as much as the percentage of it being temporary, the percentage of staying there for a possible career is just as high. No, I won't be gone for full three years, there will be breaks. Yes, the breaks are usually 2 to 3 months long and no, I am not sure if I will be back for all 3 months every year. Yes, I am ready to go off, and no, I am not sure if I am 100% mentally and emotionally ready. Yes, I am taking an interesting course. But no, I have not had any in depth classes on my majors. Yes, I do have a handful of people whom I will dearly miss. No, I am not sure if our relationship will stay that way.
I know I am greedy, and if you want me to list down the things I want for new year I won't miss out listing in a PSP, iPhone with 3G and a designer bag. But above those things that I am not sure if I can get, I think I just want a good year. A generally good year. That it goes smooth sailing. Even though I am so unsure, one thing I can be sure is that, there's a person who knows better, and even before I am there He is already there waiting for me to do the leap of faith.
Turning impossible to I M Possible with His strength,
Eva
Friday, January 23, 2009
There are stars tonight.
There were stars tonight. Looking at them, seems like I was seeing some old friends, can't help smiling at them, even for a quick glimpse. I went out just now, alone, for supper. It was a familiar joint for me, something that I have been having and once craved for when I was young. I used to sing to my dad and lure him into cycling to get those yummy curry rice for me around midnight when we were still in the old house.
There was solitude tonight. I don't care if other people think it is dangerous to go out alone at night at the wee hours. Mum was asleep. And it is like back then, when I spend time with myself a lot, enjoying my own company, just me..and me. A little rebellious, from sneaking out in mum's car. But it seems so familiar, like my old self sweeping through. I am myself again. The one who sits in the moonlight blogging alone.
Then there was a funny old friend. Simpleton, we chatted for a while and bid goodbye. What jolly good company. Though it was a while, it makes me remember how good it is to be just simple and content. We don't really need all that much anyway.
What a night, a beautiful night, meeting all of you, my old friends. Nothing beats being myself, and knowing that it is all enough.
Finally home,
Eva
There was solitude tonight. I don't care if other people think it is dangerous to go out alone at night at the wee hours. Mum was asleep. And it is like back then, when I spend time with myself a lot, enjoying my own company, just me..and me. A little rebellious, from sneaking out in mum's car. But it seems so familiar, like my old self sweeping through. I am myself again. The one who sits in the moonlight blogging alone.
Then there was a funny old friend. Simpleton, we chatted for a while and bid goodbye. What jolly good company. Though it was a while, it makes me remember how good it is to be just simple and content. We don't really need all that much anyway.
What a night, a beautiful night, meeting all of you, my old friends. Nothing beats being myself, and knowing that it is all enough.
Finally home,
Eva
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